Post No-Contact: Last Weekend
Post No-Contact: Last Weekend
Hi, I am very new to this site and forum. I have posted my story in the "Share Your Story" section.
No Contact with my ex happened in stages to this current stage where I have her totally blocked. I changed my email address, my mobile phone number, disconnected my landline and continued blocking her on social media. In the last 6 weeks I have only caved in once when I unblocked her and checked her facebook page where she was lovebombing her newest 'victim'. I felt like rubbish and quickly reblocked her and have stayed strong since.
In this time-frame I have been taking time out for myself, processing the memories and sorting through so much cognitive dissonance. I have been getting slowly to a better place.
And then last weekend happened.....
It's been a relief to not worry that any phone call or the next email coming into the In-box will be by my ex. Maybe I was redolent in my thoughts that she gave up and was having great supply from her newest source/s. That she would not affect me again. I was wrong.
Around 11pm Saturday night I was taking the rubbish out and decided on a whim to check my letterbox. There was an envelop addressed to me with no return address. Just a "To Petar" at the front. I opened it and it was from my ex. It was a long torrid and soul destroying read. After reading it for the third time I opened up my wine stockpile and didn't remember much of what happened next and had a bad hangover on Sunday.
She lives 45 minutes away from me by public transport and she decided to come all this way to my place to leave a demoralizing letter that crippled my progress. I have not been in contact with her since. Nor do I want to.
Her letter started off with "I still love you Petar". And then she came with a vocal blade in the next paragraph to say "I need to tell you that I had been unfaithful to you throughout the relationship", where she listed more times that I knew. She stated to me that her trip to Cambodia was where she hooked up with a fellow traveler and had sex. She revealed she cheated on me with not one but two friends, now ex friends. She revealed that she had an ongoing sexual relationship with her kid's ex husband each time she went to see them.
The letter continues and she goes on to say that she never had a man end the relationship the way I did. She said she was hurt and could not believe I would hurt her and lie to her. Now that is some projection. She wished me "happiness" and that "I would forever be in her heart". She said she was however "happier now that she was not with a mentally unhinged man".
My ex ended the letter by saying the following "You deserve to know the truth, and I hope we can become friends sometime down the line".
I have since destroyed that letter. I needed to 'vent' somewhat here. She sure has a interesting way of showing 'love'.
Now I am back to the drawing board, trying to delete what I read from my own mind. Something deep within me has changed and that relates to trust.