The Path Way
The Path Way
Hi guys. Here are my conclusions about this topic. There is one thing in common with all of those that are here. We’ve all experienced it, and we don’t want to experience it again. Moving forward, there are two paths to healing. The right one, in principle, and the wrong one, in principal.
The wrong one in principle is to keep rehearsing and reminding ourselves what happened to us and to blame it on her. This only defers our healing and transfers the means of our healing on to someone else. That someone else could care less about our healing. In fact they revel in our failed state of mind. It allows them to feel superior to us and to draw telepathically on our power like a psychic vampire even when they are nowhere in our environment.
The right path is this. We know what happened to us, and within a few days of being on this blog and reading the book, “It’s All About Her,” we have enough insight into the phenomenon to quit talking about it already, quit reading more examples of the same problem, over and over. Stop reinforcing our victimized state. Stop blaming her for what she did, and take full responsibility for how and why, we enabled her and invited her into our emotional space in the first place.
Here’s the reason in a sentence, and I’ll get into it a little more, later in this post. The reason is so that we could feed our own addiction to emotional attention and emotional approval. Yes, we are and have always been emotional and sexual approval addicts. That’s why we are here.
As soon as we admit this and own up to our own role in having created the whole experience, we stop blaming her and making her the one who is accountable for our pain. Instead we put it on ourselves and assume full control of the process of healing what is wrong within our own character. Until we fix it, that wide open chink in our armor will leave us vulnerable and open to repeating this sort of experience in the future.
Let me just say this, the reason we can’t get over her, is not because she is gone, but because it hurts us that she is gone. And the reason that it hurts us that she is gone is because she has taken our stash, our supply, our fix, and left us to deal with the pain that we were suppressing and hiding in discomfort before we met her. Yes, that guilt, that pain, of having been emotionally rejected in the past haunted us underneath before we met her. We just buried it and focused on what we could to stay positive until she came along.
From the time we met her, she was the remedy, and quickly became our addiction. But get this. Emotional attention and approval and this includes sexual approval, is not love. It is a patch job, a fix for the love we do not feel for ourselves in the area where we are disconnected from our authentic self.
As soon as I was ready to confront this issue within myself, days before coming upon this blog, I traced the problem back to myself. My approach to problem solving is based on a self-created mantra that I use to address all of my issues. That mantra is this. “If it’s happening to me, I’m doing it. I then look for the way in which I am doing it.
Once I started working on my addiction to attention and approval, I could see that it was an unconscious way to ward off my fear of criticism, attack and disapproval. Here is an important thing to keep in mind. We have a triune brain. There is not just one sense of self within us. We have a critical mind, and emotional sense of self and a sexual sense of self. Our emotional and sexual sense of self react and respond independently of us. Knowing this is key to healing the problem at its source as you will see.
At some point early in our life, we began to fear the pain of rejection, attack and disapproval. From that point forward, we developed an unconscious aversion to that fear and in doing this, we fragmented and disconnected from our authentic center of being, which is loving and fearless. We were no longer whole. That generated a sense of discomfort that we always suppressed afterward.
Emotional attention and emotional and sexual approval are the band aid, the patch, the fix to this discomfort and as with most pain killer medications they are very addictive. But remember, they are not love. Once you learn to heal your wounded self, you enter your true state of self-love and from that point forward, you simply do not need or desire medication or substitutes. You see them for what they are, unnecessary and disruptive pseudo love.
So, here is the approach that I used to fix the problem.
Our emotional sense of self and our sexual sense of self function unconsciously. They react independently of us, like when we walk our dog and it sees a squirrel. It takes off after it, pulling us along. Imagine your emotional or sexual sense of self as a reactionary part of you that needs to be trained like you would train your best friend, pet dog. When it runs from pain, in our case, the emotional pain we’re feeling because she’s gone, or the sexual pain we’re feeling when we’re alone and prone to medicate with porn, we need to stay aware of what we are feeling. Don’t get me wrong, if you yield to porn don’t guilt yourself for it. Just be aware afterward that it’s not fixing the underlying pain and discomfort. It’s just medicating it, like she did.
The correct approach is to focus our attention on our unconscious emotional or sexual sense of self and direct it to hold still, to track the pain and feel that pain through, until that discomfort energy charge is completely dissipated, and we are left with a calm peaceful, loving state of mind. That is the mind of our true self, and our true self love. The negative charge of un-faced and unprocessed pain may seem very strong and take several long periods to feel through and spend, but just like a battery, regardless of the charge and the duration of time that it takes to process through it, it does spend itself out as long as you are connected to it and feeling it. Make this your go to healing response until it becomes automatic.
Once you achieve that peaceful resting state of mind in all areas of your being, you become authentically whole. Remember, just remain emotionally aware and then track any pain or discomfort that you feel in your body. Connect with its emotional charge and process it through by feeling it through. Feel and heal. That’s it.
Do this until all of your unconscious reactions whether emotional or sexual are trained to face the fear, and process it through. Do this with any fear, any time, until you reach the other side of fear, which is simply calm, quiet and peaceful. That state is your self-love doing what it does. Keeping you loved and keeping you authentic.
Hope this helps.