My sorry tale (Female narc)
My sorry tale (Female narc)
Hey all, this is my story.
It all began through a dating site in October of 2015. After initial contact and arranging to meet for drinks, she sent me a picture of herself in a bra (in case I couldn't remember what she looked like). She was pretty damn hot!
We hit it off pretty well during the date and shared a cab home, with me dropping her off at her place and then continuing on alone to mine.
I had just gotten into bed when I received a text message from her asking if I'd like to go to her place and watch a movie. Mind you it was already about 1am! Who could refuse such an offer?
I got to hers and we jumped into bed and she promptly fell asleep! Unbeknownst to me at the time she was taking some heavy duty sleeping pills.
Next morning we woke up and i was surprised when her 18 year old daughter entered the room to ask her mom a question. She didn't seem too surprised to find me there.
With hindsight I can see a number of red flags here already, but what did I know then?
Anyway, the relationship builds until we are both dating and having regular sex with each other (which was mind blowing - the word 'No' didn't seem to exist in her vocabulary).
Fast forward to late January 2016 and she tells me she has been called in to work afternoon shift on the coming Saturday. A little unusual but she is a nurse and does work shift.
Come Saturday evening and I'm at home when I receive a text message from a friend saying he has seen her at a restaurant that night - he even sent me pictures of her with some guy.
I am stunned that she has lied to me.
Next day I go to her place and confront her about this. She gets all defensive and says that they are only friends and the reason she didn't tell me about the date was because she didn't know how I'd react.
She did sleep at his place though.
Anyway, she distracts me by taking me into her bedroom and having her wicked way with me. (I know, I'm weak). I stupidly give her another chance. (More red flags)
Now it's May 2016 and she says she is having a girls night out - so of course I'm not invited, but I do pick her up afterwards and she's at a guy's place with 3 girlfriends and about 4 guys. A little strange but hey, I trust her right?
After this I start getting a gut feeling that something's not quite right, so I decide to have a look through her cell phone. Sure enough she's organised to go to dinner with some guy she met on her 'girls night'.
I make sure that I turn up at her place about 10 minutes before he's due to pick her up. She's in a panic and tells some bullshit story about how she's oganised to have dinner with her girlfriend at the last minute and that I'd better go now as she has to leave. Then her story changes to that she's being picked up by a 'friend'. I leave and notice a sports car sitting out the front of her place with a guy sitting in the driver's seat.
I drove around the corner and saw her come running out and into this car about 2 minutes after I left.
I follow them and pull up next to them at a set of traffic lights and wave to them. She doesn't even glance sideways at me - he stupidly waves.
Next day I confront her about this - how dare I follow her; nothing is going on; you are being silly; he's just a friend etc etc.
Again I look through her cell while she's in the shower and see numerous texts to her girlfriend about this new guy, how he's recently divorced from a sexless marriage, how my GF would be willing to 'break him in' and how she hasn't told me yet.
I beat her to the punch and tell her it's over between us and to basically 'get the fuck out!'
3 weeks later she's back with how she misses me, that she made a mistake and that we should catch up etc etc. Once again I stupidly relent and agree to see her. Drinks at my place followed by a night of great sex and she's back in my life - telling tales of how she does not find him physically attractive, that he's too old for her at 64 (22 years older than her).
All I care about is that she's back in my life. Woohoo!
It all starts again after a few weeks. Same guy again. She says that they're only friends, that he's a really lovely, gentle person, that she'd really hate to hurt him. By the way, his divorce has come through and his part of the settlement is about $2 million.
He's always buying her clothes and expensive gifts and dinners and drinks for her and all her friends. She boasts about how she and her friends never need to dip into their pockets when they're out with him.
After a few more months of this and her sleeping at his place (doing the usual narcs disappearing tricks) I again boot her arse to the curb.
All is well for about 4 months and my life is back on track without her - then the texting starts again.
I miss you, I want to see you, I'm breaking it off with him, he is too old, I've always loved you. (You can see where this is going).
Enter Captain Stupid once more! "Sure you can come back, as long as you finish it with him" I say. She assures me that it's over this time for good. While at my place once again, she's showing me texts from him stating how devastated he is, professing his undying love for her and what qualities attracted him to her. She also states how much of a loser he is and also the physical qualities he possesses that turn her off. She also makes it a point to tell me that she only slept with him twice and how she was glad it was quickly over. Unlike between her and I where it's so much better when you actually love someone.
This time about a week passes when she tells me she has to go to a party her friends are having for her birthday. Once again, I'm not invited but she will see me on the day after. She tells me this on a Wednesday, the pre-planned party the moves from the coming Saturday to the Friday because not everyone can make it. (Again the alarm bells are ringing)
She assures me that she will sleep at her girlfriends place.
I talk to her on Thursday morning and she assures me that she will call me back later that day. The weekend passes and it's now Tuesday and still no word from her. I look at her FaceBook page (we aren't friends on there) and see pictures she's posted of her and him with captions 'my handsome partner and I'; and 'thanks for the great party my gorgeous man'. Nice!
I text her to see what's going on and within a few hours she calls. I give her an absolute ear full about how much of a liar and cheat she is - her response? 'Sometimes you have to follow your heart' and 'you can tell when there's no future with someone'. I ask her if she was lying all those times she told me that she loved me and she says that she did at the time (a quick emotional change in less that a week!)
I tell her to leave me the hell alone and hand up on her. Just to re-iterate i send her a text calling her out and also goodbye.
She replies the next day with some lame rubbish about how she's sorry that I feel this way and that I'm right because people shouldn't be with someone they feel such disdain for. She ends it with "I wish you all the best" and to "take care".
Anyway, I've since gone NC and haven't felt a pang of regret since. This website and the book 'It's all about her' have helped tremendously.
Throughout our relationship I now notice a number of 'red flags', such as name calling - calling me a 'c#$t' for no reason, making embarrassing comments to her mother in front of me about her parents' sex lives, her abuse of legal drugs (pain killers, anti-depressants, alcohol, sleeping pills), her failed relationships, her constant sleeping and lack of desire to do anything. (I must say though, that the sex never waned between us and was always 'on' and fantastic.) She also stated how she always likes to remain friends with her exes and how she has never gone out with nasty men.
I still wonder if she actually was a narc or if I just imagined it. I guess she had me pretty well trained. I'm glad I realised what she actually was after only about a year and a half. I truly feel sorry for her new victim - he wil actually be a total basket case by the time she's finished with him, and more than likely pretty poor as well.