Beginning to share

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 November 7, 2017 - 7:44am

Beginning to share

Hello everyone.
First off, I’d like to thank Lisa for Writing “It’s all about her”. I’ve been trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist for three years, and as I searched for online resources to help me cope with the emotions I was going through, the amount of articles written with the male attacker in mind was rather disheartening. My ex-girlfriend was well versed at twisting arguments in her favor, enabling her to play the role of the victim. When this was coupled with the over whelming number of articles that were written from the female perspective, the effectiveness of her gaslighting increased. So, thank you Lisa. Your book has helped me to regain some of my confidence in this situation.

As I said, I have been involved with a narcissist for the past three years. In that time I have been manipulated emotionally and financially. On multiple occasions I have attempted to cut ties only to have her reinitiate contact through, texting apps, email, social media, and third parties. Every time she has managed to wiggle back into my life and reek havoc. Out last stint began four months ago, and ended this past weekend. She had been working to convince me that she is trapped in her current relationship financially, and that as soon she could afford to live on her own we would be free to pick up where we left off. Last week she had told me she had met one of my ex’s from high school, through mutual friends. The two spoke of me, and my high school girlfriend contacted me to see how I have been. It was at that time I found out that they met because my narcissistic ex girlfriend was selling the engagement ring I had bought her. When I confronted her on this she immediately began to try and shift the focus of the conversation to me talking to an ex (of about 20 years), and then to her having to consult her before selling the ring. I steered the conversation back to the topic at hand each time. I didn’t have a problem with her selling it, if she needed the money, but given her history of lying or conveniently leaving out details, I didn’t appreciate finding out she was selling the engagement ring the way I did. She refused to understand my feelings, and her take away from the experience was that if she had sold it to a stranger I wouldn’t have found out. I immediately cut contact. Since then she had tried several time to contact me, using services for my special needs son for her reasoning.

I’m committed to maintaining no contact, but I know how hard that is without support. My friends and family don’t understand the grasp that a narcissist can have on a person. The lack of understand caused me to a bottle up a lot of what I experienced. I hoping that sharing this with you guys will help me to overcome my silence so I can begin to heal.

November 8, 2017 - 6:26am

Thank you for your support.

Thank you for your support. The amount of financial manipulation is not as severe as n your case. But as a single parent and part time student, it still is something that made it hard to breath at times.

The hardest part of maintaining NC is that our children attend the same before school child care. The past two days I have made an effort to leave the house early so that I would not run into her. Have a 13 year old stay in schedule did not work so well today, and we ended up arriving at the same time as her. I did what I could to keep the interaction as brief as possible, and avoided eye contact. The worst part is that her son looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes. It appears that all that achieved was getting her download one of those texting apps so that she could belittle me. I’m hoping that in time she will tire of the situation and move on. I’m at a loss as to how else to handle things with her.

November 8, 2017 - 12:24pm (Reply to #5)

Hi Lost in Penn

I’m sorry you are so close is proximity to her! Im close, but he doesn’t know where I live or and I changed my number....that was so hard..do you ever find yourself caught up in missing her , the good parts? I’m stuck in this sick, pathetic need to contact him, and I just want him to disappear from my thoughts! I’m back with my wonderful, loving husband and I still get sick to my stomach when I think of “him.” I only have email access, and check it at least every few days. I’m glad we are over and he can’t manipulate me, so why do I torture myself? Have you ever felt that way?

-JR1331

November 9, 2017 - 6:44am (Reply to #6)

I find myself in that

I find myself in that situation often. What seem to help me the most is finding hobbies that can complete occupy my mind. It sounds lame, but what seems to work best is building LEGO models. The step by step instruction is able to keep my focus off of the negative thoughts, while the searching and asssembling of the pieces keeps me ground on the physical world around me. Perhaps you can find a hobby that benefits you in the same way.

November 7, 2017 - 10:24am

Hi there!

I am sorry about your situation, I a two months out of my abusive relationship. And as a woman, I want to say sorry! I know women can be just as narcissistic as men, I believe my ex was married and involved with female versions of himself. I also know how the money manipulation can sting. I spent close to $21,000 on my guy in 8 months, I paid for his rehab for alcohol first and the money kept being spent. He was always so grateful and said he would also pay what he owed me, but I had to stop that as it kept us entangled. I think $21,000 (and that is a conservative amount, and was money from my father's estate when he died) is a small price to pay to get away from that perpetrator. I can relate to how hard it is to remain faithful to the "NO CONTACT" rule, but I realized that I started feeling better and better and then I would email hm, and my emotional life literally fell apart, I was a mess again! Stay strong and my thoughts are with you.

-JR1331

November 8, 2017 - 6:28am (Reply to #3)

Thank you for your support.

Thank you for your support. The amount of financial manipulation is not as severe as n your case. But as a single parent and part time student, it still is something that made it hard to breath at times.

The hardest part of maintaining NC is that our children attend the same before school child care. The past two days I have made an effort to leave the house early so that I would not run into her. Have a 13 year old stay in schedule did not work so well today, and we ended up arriving at the same time as her. I did what I could to keep the interaction as brief as possible, and avoided eye contact. The worst part is that her son looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes. It appears that all that achieved was getting her download one of those texting apps so that she could belittle me. I’m hoping that in time she will tire of the situation and move on. I’m at a loss as to how else to handle things with her.

November 7, 2017 - 10:24am

Hi there!

I am sorry about your situation, I a two months out of my abusive relationship. And as a woman, I want to say sorry! I know women can be just as narcissistic as men, I believe my ex was married and involved with female versions of himself. I also know how the money manipulation can sting. I spent close to $21,000 on my guy in 8 months, I paid for his rehab for alcohol first and the money kept being spent. He was always so grateful and said he would also pay what he owed me, but I had to stop that as it kept us entangled. I think $21,000 (and that is a conservative amount, and was money from my father's estate when he died) is a small price to pay to get away from that perpetrator. I can relate to how hard it is to remain faithful to the "NO CONTACT" rule, but I realized that I started feeling better and better and then I would email hm, and my emotional life literally fell apart, I was a mess again! Stay strong and my thoughts are with you.

-JR1331

Log in or register to post comments