Alias's Story

I met this person just over 12mths ago on a dating site...we talked on the phone for hours, had common interests (horses) and seem to hit it off..he would text me and want to meet but I was in no rush..the first warning sign was a comment "why be on a dating webiste if you arent going to date...its not a talking website!". This I blew off as an off the cuff remark..eventually we did meet, had two dates and all seemed great until out of the blue I get a text saying "we are too much a like, its better to end it now than have more pain later"..I should have taken this as a warning. So I responded with thats ok if thats how you feel and left it. Two days later another text saying he was wrong and lets catch up. There were a few inconsistencies I questioned him about such as his real age and the status of his marriage which, at being questioned, he got angry....so I left things alone again. Eventually I found out he was seperating from his wife, however they were still sharing the same house until it was sold...hmmm

To cut it short...his wife was still in his life, it was bitter but not over, he would spend time with me but then make arrangements to see me and stand me up, not answer my calls, when I did get to speak to him and arrange to discuss he would leave me notes saying it was over and goodbye, I went to confront him and he would accuse me of being a "bunny boiler"...I let him stay with me for 2 weeks when things were really bad with his wife and he went out one night and didnt come back becuase he had decided to try once more to make his marriage work...the day before my birthday...four days later he was leaving notes in my letterbox...I stayed strong even though there were numerous messages...I moved on to another relationship, that didnt work either.

I then allow him back into my life....he tells me everything I want to hear...and vows to show me he is a decent man...he comes along to a horse show to support me supposedly and spends the whole time flirting with another women. When I confront him he gets angry, blames me and runs away.....all the time still having dramas with his wife...which also meant our relationship had to stay hidden, so as not to give her any ammo. I would speend hours helping him with his horses but never recieved assistance in return.

I move on again and stay strong, ignoring all contact until I get a call saying he needs the favour I had promised him - I had promised if his wife threatened to take or harm his horses he could hide them at my place, he needed to hide his pride and joy. This was his way back in....

I stayed strong for as long as I could...he did a good job of being the person he wanted me to believe he was...but basically it ended up with alot of hollow promises from him and me doing everything I possibly could to help him, make his life easier, buying him things and pleasing him...to my own detriment. The sex was getting increasingly more dominating and degrading...and self satisfying for him....I didnt exist...and if I dared question anything then he would get angry, leave, ignore me, shut me out aand then tell me it was all my fault.

Even my job is a problem for him..and he even up until yesterday threw this in my face.

There is so much more that has gone on....but it just seems so pointless even writing it.....but where its at now....I recently had surgery, he made it clear there was no way he would even drop me at the hospital let alone look after my horses....so I had to take a cab and pay someone to babysit. He then breaks the relationship off with me via text while I am sitting there waiting for my surgery and baits me into a nasty arguement...which made my blood pressure go thru the roof...He sent me texts asking how it went etc which I ignored and even though he knew when I was getting out, I still had to catch a taxi to go home to an empty house...but to him he did enough just sending me a text....after standing up to him, copping his anger and insults, being used again I am distancing myself - however we had just started a business together and I have been good up until yesterday keeping communication based only on business.....but his constant provaction and lies and everything else got to me....when he tells me he is going out of his way to fix this and that it is all my fault...how he has done so much for me but all I ever do is spit it at him and get angry.

This person has NEVER been there to help when I am sick, when I need support, and if by chance he actually has forced himself to do something for me he makes me pay for it emotionally for weeks,he has broken off the relationship probably every two weeks if we have been together...I can actually start to read the signs now and know when it is brewing....the one and only time I told him it was over he dished out so much abuse, threatened me with retraining orders, told me I was psycho, turned up at my house twice demanding his things...and not that it matters but told all his friends and the incestuous neighbourhood he lives in what a psycho c*#t I am...nice.

So why cant I just let go.....now its all there in black and white....why am I still so miserable....the hopes the dreams the things we planned....we could of had it all...I am in my forties..never married, and always on my own....relationships are something I have never been good at....how is it ever going to change...