After 17 years...I get it

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#1 Oct 12 - 7AM
suzanne
suzanne's picture

After 17 years...I get it

This board (as many feel) is a God sent life saver!

Thanks to this place, I am in the process, have a therapist, lawyer and 3 great friends for support.

I am literally frozen with fear and anxiety. I can't imagine life any other way, I dream of it, but can't wrap my head around it after 17 loooooong years of trying to be perfect and being a servant and crossing moral boundries thinking if I just keep trying, I can make him happy. WOW, my eyes are open now.

How did you finally leave...I mean physically go. He never married me, we have a dd together and a lot of stuff in a fancy house that I hate being in now.

The therapist said swift and without warning, move out while he is at work and she is at school...that seems great in my head, now to do it. What will I tell her, 11 is a vulnerable age and she adores him. Fear and anxiety are only good for weight loss. Please share your advice and experience to inspire my path to happiness. I know you guys get it. Thank God for you.

Oct 12 - 1PM
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My husband and I were both

My husband and I were both living together as he filed for divorce. We were being stubborn about who was going to leave. I didnt want to uproot my children. Then after a fight one night and many weeks of silence and tension I realized I had to go. The tension was killing me and my kids. He can be so cruel. Anyway, I called a mover and the minute he left for work I started moving. I was finsihed before my kids got out of school. I got everything I wanted. Orginally I thought I wanted to stay in house, but I would have been miserable there with all our memories and stuff around. Now he wants out of the house cause its too expensive. Ha Ha! He was so set on living there! Now I rent a house and am away from any memories of him. I think this helps. Good luck!
Oct 12 - 9AM
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I left him once before the

I left him once before the divorce. It was after an argument he started in which he raged at me. I said enough is enough. I packed the car with some things and drove away. It was very hard, but I knew I had to save my life. I came back after a few weeks because I hadnt planned it well enough in advance. I couldnt make it financially. Then he abandoned me, so I was left without shelter or a penny in my pocket anyway. I should have stayed gone the first time. It's taken awhile, but I am putting my life together and I'm ok. It's good you have a therapist and will be financially ok. Make a good, safe plan. Get your supports in place. Follow your plan. The first step of getting away is the hardest. But you are saving your life and the life of your child. Do what your therapist says. Good luck.
Oct 12 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Hangman11
Hangman11's picture

I left before too

I left my husband and stayed at my father's several times during the past two years and then would go back after a few days. This past summer when I first believed we had "agreed" we were getting a divorce, I told my sis-n-law and she told another of her brothers..then N found out I had told them. He became furious and literally had the locks changed on me while I was at home, said I "no longer lived there, etc"...do you believe I even went back for a month after that experience! I cannot believe the hold this guy has on my psyche, this morning I am sitting here wondering why this didn't work out...I am soooo confused!
Oct 12 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

suzanne

get out now get your child into THERAPY!!!!! the therapist will help her understand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.