aflynn's story

I love you, you're incredible, you're amazing - now he's gone..

He asked me out to eat when I came to his town for other business, met him at a public gathering.. all people told me was that "he likes women". That was the only warning I received but I didn't care because it was only lunch and I was not interested. I'd be one in 2 days so I really didn't care. I thought, lunch wouldn't hurt and he didn't impress me at all. I had no idea how clever he was or how he could find a way into my life. We couldn't have been more different. He is a musician, I am a corporate executive. He lives at home with his parents, I was a successful homeowner.. No, he would not have been someone that would have made it to my radar.. but we happened to be in the same place at the same time so I joined him for lunch. He seemed "innocent" enough and I was hungry. We knew many of the same people and it was JUST LUNCH. Pretty uneventful. The next day he showed up where I was late listening to a band.. and this is how it started.. 3 years ago.. my demise.. my brain taking leave.. he immediately started calling me "baby". He immediately started with saying how beautiful I was...well to make a long and painful story short we went out for a late night breakfast and he took me back to my hotel saying he needed to use the bathroom, that seemed innocent enough...except he sat down in a chair afterwards and out of his mouth came really beautiful compliments.. How beautiful I was, what an incredible person I was etc. etc.. you all know.. than he kissed me..and I wasn't used to this kind of thing.. all I kept wondering was what was he doing and that I should have asked him to leave.. I was leaving the next day. His passion and intensity over took me.. needless to say I didn't leave the next day..during that time together ( I spent 2 more days ) he told me that I was the person he was supposed to spend his life with and it was time I open myself up and allow myself to love someone.. (I told him I was not looking for that and wasn't open to it).. he wore me down with words and actions over the next two days... how stupid I was I keep thinking.. even now... how stupid.. at the end of it all just before I left he also told me he had a gf in Europe... I left crushed.. for he was going to see her for a month.. A MONTH. and he had not plans to cancel that trip after everything he had told me.. well he continued with all this talk until he got there and even while he WAS there... I saw him immediately when he got back. I flew to see him... our passion and feelings were intense.. but I could see that if everything wasn't done exactly as HE wanted it, if I didn't dress as he preferred and act exactly as he wanted he went SILENT or got ANGRY. He used silence as an abusive technique.. and to get what he wanted. Withholding attention got him what he wanted I'm embarrassed to admit.. for a few months I ended it from the end of 2010-2011 but we got back together again.. and that lasted until mid -2012 when he accused me of stalking him AFTER I broke up with him and blocked all ways of contact from him.. This was pretty messed up.. I ended up being in touch with 2 other women he did this to and we all went through the same thing.. he took our hearts, souls, our money and whatever else he could get from us.. and he always ended up acting crazy.. he even faked a disease... seeking sympathy.. he'd do anything to get what he wanted... and it was always all about him... he had no remorse for causing mental or physical harm.. none.. nothing... his lack of remorse was scary..it continues to be.. and the pain he leaves behind is deep... as much as we all know about him.. a few of us continue to say it was a love like no other even though it was a love that never existed.. It still hurts... it still causes pain knowing I will once again have to block all contact again... and I don't know when that pain will go away.. we became in touch again end of 2012 to now.. and for the first 3 months (3 months seems to be the amount of time he can fake it) everything was amazing.. I thought maybe he truly had an awakening/change.. he simply got better at the game.. better with the written word and better with the verbal con.. better at telling me exactly what he thought I wanted to hear and WHAM I was drawn in again.. for the first 45 days or so I maintained control over my emotions but at some point he drew me in again.. now all I remember are more tears than smiles.. and all the things I went through.. I wrote it all down in a journal by date.. I ENCOURAGE you ALL to write down EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION with your N.. every feeling you have as a result.. so that you can re-read it and remember how it was, not how you wish to think it was.. These people have a way of making you feel like you are their goddess one minute and a piece of crap the next.. it is a form of control because they have absolutely no self esteem or confidence.. so control is all they have going for them.. Don't remember things falsely.. record everything by date/time. WRITE IT DOWN.. when they call/text and what is said.. and WHEN THEY DON'T.. When they use silence as abuse.. Because normal people don't do that.. and they are not normal.. they are professional abusers... manipulators, con-artists and you are the prey.. they are PREDATORS... I still have to write my goodbye letter... I won't send it to him because he won't care..I'm going to block him again... and that will be that and it will feel like my heart is being torn out once again.. but I'll heal like I did before... I'll survive.. he'll stay where he is.. and charm someone else.. he's 55 going to be 56 years old... living in his parents house, not making a living, conning and cheating and living a false life pretending to be a follower of God preaching the bible. He is always right and the world is always wrong.. Meanwhile I'll go on as we all will living real lives while these people are in fantasy land.. remember.. write it down and remember.. to keep your logic with you.. when your heart kicks in.. It's going to be hard.. it's hard now... but it'll get easier... I'm thankful for this forum...