Advice/Information From Your Therapists/Counselors Regarding NPD

33 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 10 - 6PM

anonymous

Advice/Information From Your Therapists/Counselors Regarding NPD

Hello All - I would be interested in hearing from any of you who have discussed the topice of NPD with your therapists or counselors. The reason I ask is because I find myself often thinking of him as evil or twisted or not human. But that isn't really true. He's got a human brain that happens to be disordered. It's unfortunate that the disorder so negatively impacts his life and the life of those whom he targets, but it is what it is. He has little abilty or desire to change, especially if he is also addicted to drugs and/or bi-polar (mine was all 3). So I'm curious - what do your therapists say about NPD? How do they explain it? I'm sure their advice to you all is to go NC, but are they able to explain NPD in a way that gives you peace and the acceptance that what happened is truly not your fault nor was it anything you could have controlled? Thanks.

#2 Aug 14 - 3PM

wholeagain

Therapist

My therapist had the ex pegged within minutes. I think my first three or four sessions were mostly about him, what he thought/felt/might do. I was so enmeshed that it was the ex channel all the time. I didn't even remotely realize this. Anyway she sees mostly raging narcissism but psychopathy and sadism in some areas, mostly around sex. Like some others here I have a hard time saying he's pure psychopath but maybe that's just my own denial. Or his good acting sometimes. Klarity I too see a Jungian therapist, I totally relate to the language of it. I've gotten much further with her than with my previous therapist, who I think had been totally snowed by the ex.

#3 Aug 12 - 8PM

anonymous

N vs P

As I understand it, Narcissism ultimately is a lack of empathy but not a lack of a conscience. In other words, narcissists can't put themselves in others shoes but they do feel guilt for their behavior. Psychopaths, or I guess the more appropriate term these days is Anti-Socials, lack both empathy and a conscience. They never feel guilty. So, while we're on the subject of evil - to me, narcissists seem like spoiled brats (like Kelly said, 5-year-olds) but ASPDs seem like evil sub-humans. And I know I shouldn't hold on to this ... but I still think my N was an N and not a P. Because I still want to believe at some level he felt guilty for what he did. When he dumped me, he asked me "please don't make me feel guilty." Barf.

#4 Aug 15 - 9AM (Reply to #31)

Susan32

The difference of conscience

My former boss and my grandmother are both Narcs.... and they are capable of feeling some guilt. When my N boss fired me, he DID feel bad about it in his own way, he even wanted me to work with him at this new nursing home. (No, I'm not going to do that) My N boss was a spoiled brat; he did lie to protect himself;he made promises he didn't keep. My ex-Psychopath professor didn't even feign remorse. He couldn't have said "please don't make me feel guilty." He lacked the sense of guilt. He'd say "I'm sorry you feel that way" when he reduced me to tears in front of people... but he did NOTHING to comfort me. Considering that he had quite the ego, I told him that his actions made him look bad... and it didn't register. At all. When someone here said that psychopaths can't stand people being happy... that's my former professor summed up in a nutshell.

#5 Aug 14 - 2PM (Reply to #25)

better off

Well how selfish is that?

Well how selfish is that? Please don't make me feel guilty for what I did to you?? Whatever. More like don't make me face what I really am and burst my "great guy" bubble. Don't interrupt my delusions. That's not guilt. Since we were talking about evil vs. not evil, and also immaturity, I think that cavalierly using people as you go along and not caring is one level I guess. But what yours did (and what mine did, and a bunch of others here), is SET OUT to do what he did. He played elaborate games to lure you away from your marriage, with all the BULLSHIT about not wanting to color your decisions, and do the right thing, blah blah blah, all when he was actually PURSUING YOU, and he was using tactics straight from the Art of Seduction. People who actually read that or the 48 Laws Of Power or any of that garbage (and a lot of these guys just do it naturally, but I suspect mine did a bit of research).. are EVIL. They plan to use and take advantage of a woman's goodness. A true predator, seeking a victim to consume, and throw away when they are done. When I first read the "rules" of this art of seduction, I had the sensation of the room turning sideways... I was so messed up when I realized he had planned everything he did to me. Me. After all our heartfelt conversations... he knew me better than anyone did, and yet he went right ahead and destroyed me. How could he have spent that time with me and get to know the kind of loving person I am (his favorite flavor of course!), and then do that? I called my friend who'd been trying to get me to see him for what he is, and I was sobbing, and I said, what kind of person would take advantage of me like that, take advantage of my pain? And she said, "a criminal." One thing about your story in particular, morty, that made my hair stand on end, was him saying underneath he was a cold analytical personality always doing math and figuring out the endgame... almost the exact words of mine. So bizarre. He was always talking about numbers and probabilities... in relation to people and situations! Weighing his odds. I sometimes wonder if he didn't do a lot of gambling and betting as well, just from a few stray comments of his. He was a stockbroker, so that's glorified betting anyway. Anyway, I believe in evil, and I believe they are it. I read Without Conscience by Dr Hare and then I threw up for two hours. As far as the "immature ones" go, I would highly recommend reading The Peter Pan Syndrome. I made some posts about it on here like a year ago or something. It was written in the 80's but I got it at the library. It was fascinating... more about the little boy type who want every woman to be their mother.

#6 Aug 14 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

anonymous

Hair Standing on End - Gambling

K, Better Off, now you've made my hair stand on end. The couple of times that we actually left his cave to go out on a date were to go to ... guess where .... drumroll, please .... A CASINO. And the first time we went, when he picked me up, he was thrilled with the way I looked (I looked pretty damned good if I do say so myself). He actually said he couldn't wait to go because we were going to turn heads. To think, disgustedly, at the time, I was actually fucking proud to be his arm candy. Anyway, he said several times on both casino trips that one of his life's goals was to hit a Royal Flush. While we were there, he had a ciggie hanging out of his mouth half the time and was all over me. Walking arm in arm with his hand on my ass through the casinos, giving me a sexy massage at the slots, and kissing me while playing video poker. We met a mutual friend, who saw us for the first time together as a couple, and he held on to me possessively - strongly claiming his turf. After he dumped me, he went to the same casino and then reported to me the next day that he had accomplished one of his life's goals - he had hit a Royal Flush. But since life "suck[ed] right now" (supposedly because of his depression over life being "not fair" to him because he was forced to have to "give [me] up" because of my "situation"), he couldn't enjoy his *accomplishment*. He said he was too depressed. I will read the 48 Laws of Power and the Art of Seduction. But I hope I don't puke. Some of his favorite phrases were endgame, exit strategy, upside, downside, blah blah blah and just like you said - about human beings, not spreadsheets!!! Fucking cold-hearted loser. After the D&D, my 8 year old daughter was never again referred to by name. She was "the situation". Once again, am ever grateful to you for your uncanny level of understanding. Betty will be sending your e-mail soon. Thanks Better. Appreciate it.

#7 Aug 15 - 9AM (Reply to #29)

better off

The Art of Seduction

This is from the cyberpath website, but it's just applying the same concepts to the internet... http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/12/lures-of-online-predator.html

#8 Aug 15 - 8PM (Reply to #30)

anonymous

Art of Seduction

Oh God Better Off - you were right. It's what he did exactly.

#9 Aug 15 - 9AM (Reply to #28)

better off

Upside...

Aagh... "There is no upside." Yes. Heard that expression plenty of times! (If mine gambled, I don't think it was casinos, he would make comments about sports though, about what all the latest odds were from bookies. He made it sound like he looked at that stuff just to predict what was going to happen, etc, well the odds on the championship are such and so... but sometimes I wondered if he wasn't betting on all that stuff.) Well... when it comes to them, remember, that "there is no upside" to having contact with them. Kinda funny, that's what I would tell myself on occasion if I felt like talking to him: used his own words... there is no upside.

#10 Aug 14 - 5PM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

When a teacher does it

I think my ex-Psych professor was setting out to destroy me as well. I totally understand when you say that "he knew me better than anyone did, and went right ahead and destroyed me-how could he have spent that time with me and get to know the kind of loving person I am?" After the D&D, I asked my ex-P WHY he spent so much time with me, when he didn't like me--his answer? "I'm a nice guy." My ex-P started our "relationship" saying "I'm going to cut you loose." He even said that he was going to let me down... he said these things my FRESHMAN year. One of my male friends sensed what was happening junior year and said, "He's USING you to look human. He's going to dump you." (I'm still friends with this young man, he's in law school) My ex-N boss looks downright saintly compared to my ex-P professor. My ex-N would lie, he was a bully, he was selfish... but he had SOME human feelings, SOME empathy. Can't say the same thing for my ex-P. All I can say is that I'm lucky I didn't marry my ex-P, nor did I date him. My ex-P warned me. Did he warn the OW?

#11 Aug 12 - 10PM (Reply to #24)

MsVulcan500

My take on N vs P

I see what you're saying, Morty, and I agree on the P part. But I don't think any of them feel any guilt. Disclaimer: I have had minimal experience with N/P's, and I have no formal training, and these are just my thoughts from what I have read and learned. I think N's don't intentionally set out to hurt others, it's just that they want what they want, and if you get trampled along the way, too bad. They live in the moment, they don't think ahead. They want it now (think Varuca Salt in Willie Wonka) and whatever they have to do or say to get what they want right now, they will do or say. They don't enjoy hurting others, they just don't care if they do. Now P's on the other hand, have a plan. They enjoy seeing other people hurt. They get off on it. They deliberately say mean things to hurt you, and they don't want to see anyone be happy. They will call you names or cut you down intentionally. It's all to make them feel superior and more powerful than everyone else. That's all before the physical abuse begins, and that's a whole 'nother Oprah. I also believe that a lot of N's eventually move on up the scale to become P's. They do get worse as time goes on and maybe as they get older and fresh supply is harder to come by, they get more desperate or something. I don't know. I just know I don't want to be around either of them. I'll be hitting one year here in a few weeks and will post about how my life has changed in that year.

#12 Aug 12 - 12AM

Kelly

Morty

I've been in therapy for a couple of months now. My understanding of it is that - no, they are not soulless creatures . . . They were very likely abused as infants and their emotional growth was stunted at age five or six. They love like a five or six year old. They behave in every way the way a five or six year old would, but it's confusing because often times, they can be extremely intelligent and high achievers. The mental games they play, yes, it's intentional, but I honestly believe they can't help themselves. They will make you hurt the way a five or six year old would. They are incapable of empathy or compassion. They just don't get that you exist outside of their delusional mind. They are constantly playing a game of pretend and when you go against their rules, you're out! It's shocking when it happens, because you didn't know you were playing a game! I was in a relationship with a sociopath as well - they are truly truly soulless pieces of garbage. There is a big difference between narcs and sociopaths. I'm wired a little differently because I was raised by two narcissistic parents. My warning system is broken. I have a high tolerance for B.S. and I have a tendency to want to fix people and fix situations. I was trained to be that way since birth. I also have a high level of anxiety and I'm constantly looking for "a rock." I have a lot of trouble being honest with myself about what I'm feeling and I abdicate my needs for the needs of whomever I'm with. That's not good. I'm working on that . . .

#13 Aug 12 - 8PM (Reply to #21)

anonymous

Kelly

I hear you. I struggle with the same things that you do (it's in my story). I think my biggest struggle is setting boundaries. I'm constantly trying my damndest to do everything for everyone and please everyone. My warning system is not broken - I can recognize the B.S. But I always think if I try harder, I can fix the problem. I too have trouble being honest with myself - or, I guess it would be more accurate to say that I'm honest with myself but I'm also so wrapped up in guilt that I don't let things go. I was taught from birth to NOT act on my intuition. If there has been one good thing that's come from the experience with N it's that I now at least know I have to stop silencing my inner voice and have to stop doing all for everyone. Actually putting that into action is going to be easier said than done but the first step is to admit the problem.

#14 Aug 13 - 12AM (Reply to #22)

Kelly

Morty

Yep . . . and you know what, I think I'm the same. I was definitely taught the same things as a kid and my mother really laid on the guilt. I can see the red flags, but I have to stop ignoring them and stop trying to fix things. Learning to let go . . . Thanks :)

#15 Aug 12 - 6PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

So right about the difference

My former Narc boss had SOME humanity compared to my former Psych professor. Yes, my Narc boss played games, but he had SOME human feelings. Even my Narc grandmother has SOME human feelings. My former Psych professor... now that is someone who is truly soulless. I thought I could make him human, lead him to God and Jesus. Obviously that didn't work. My mother was afraid that he'd physically hurt me... he was that bad. My former Narc boss has arrested development. For some reason, he thought he could be my supervisor at a new nursing facility that's opening up. Due to previous experience, NO WAY. Thanks to this site, I deleted his number from my cellphone. But my former Psych professor... plain EVIL compared to my former boss.

#16 Aug 11 - 2PM

hopefuljms

My therapist said basically

My therapist said basically the same thing about NPD. First she read me the list of behaviours that constitute NPD (most my exN boyfriend had) and then she explained that it is usually caused by some trauma in childhood. Abuse (either emotional of physical) or either not enough attention or too much and they are stunted in their development basically at the age of a child. This shows in their need for instant gratification, difficulty in keeping jobs and spending money they don't have. She said there isn't anything I could have done other than pay attention to the warning signs (which I didn't). They can't be helped because most of the time they don't believe the issues are theirs. They feel that everyone else is at fault. Even if they do go for help it is RARE that they can be helped which is very sad. It is the only time I feel bad for my ex. Ironically, when I last saw him in December (lucky for me he lives 4 hours away) he said "You are not the defective one". It was the only point of honesty and enlightenment in a 10 year relationship. J

#17 Aug 11 - 12PM

better off

Trust your gut

I just finished reading your story, morty... I think you are trying to suppress your real feelings, as you were trained to do all your life. I think your REAL feelings are what you said you find yourself thinking: "I find myself often thinking of him as evil or twisted or not human." That's because that's the truth! I read your history with him. He IS a twisted psychopath! With a long rotten history of abuse to others. But from what you so humbly explained about your upbringing and your life... you stuff that TRUTH... because of a very warped sense of loyalty ingrained in you by a personality disordered mother... you KNOW that your exN is twisted, but you can't bring yourself (IMO) to "feel" that way about someone you loved, and immediately rebut your own thinking with: "But that isn't really true. He's got a human brain that happens to be disordered." Whatever kind of brain he has... he has NO fucking soul. It's scary to confront the truth of these soulless creatures... it's horrifying to realize the extent of their victimization of us, that it was done ON PURPOSE, and they will do it again, and they don't love us, NEVER loved us, and can't love anyone. They can hate people though, that part works fine. You've suffered a lifetime's worth, morty... trying to be loved and accepted. The gift you can take from this is that it's time, at this point in your life, to get YOU back. I shouldn't even say "back." Since you haven't had the opportunity to truly live free of these kinds of burdens yet. But you can. You are intelligent, and compassionate, and I believe that if you are willing to look at the truth square in the face, you can emerge a whole person.

#18 Aug 11 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

anonymous

Psychopath vs Narcissist

It's one thing for me to rationalize and accept that he's NPD but I've been scared shitless to face the fact that he's probably a psychopath too. I keep trying to tell myself that he does have a conscience. But I know I'm making excuses. He doesn't. =(

#19 Aug 11 - 8PM (Reply to #16)

Susan32

Coming to terms with the past

Over the years, I haven't had happy memories of my ex-Psych professor, but I do think I was "normalizing" him. For some reason, I thought that marriage and parenthood would've turned him into a man who respects his former students. How wrong I was. I didn't idealize him, but I did normalize him, and I repressed SO MUCH. My ex-P is a psychopath, worse than a narcissist. He victimized me, his own student, ON PURPOSE, and that's what I find sickening. He took advantage of my vulnerable position (I was his subordinate), and it's disgusting. Truly disgusting. "They can hate people though"-That one still shocks me. Why would a teacher hate his students? Why did he hate me, when I did NOTHING wrong to him, except treat him with love and compassion? I don't pity him. I used to pity him. I pity his students... because he doesn't keep the mask on long with them.

#20 Aug 11 - 12PM

better off

A human brain?

[I wrote this post before reading your story, morty] A human brain? hmmm... Sorry, morty, but they ARE evil. They ARE twisted. Evil exists. Ted Bundy existed. John Wayne Gacy existed. Not everyone kills, but using manipulative psychopaths are bad. I appreciate your compassionate side, but please reserve your compassion for yourself. These people are PREDATORS and not to be pitied. You can reach that point of feeling like, well hey, it's not personal, tigers eat meat, and I am meat. Can't get pissed off at the tiger, but you definitely might want to stay away from tigers and carry a gun. But they aren't really tigers, they are people, or at least they are in people form. Their brains are definitely disordered, they do not process emotional information like normal people.. but they are still adults and they still choose to act the way they do. They KNOW they cause pain and they don't care. You can argue that they can't help not caring, but whatever. ... are they disordered or just evil? I think you can be both. Anyway, my therapist totally got it, which helped immensely and saved a lot of time. It's really not complicated, after all. They are human predators. That's it. The only way to deal with them is to not deal with them at all. Of course it isn't your fault. Nobody makes them act the way they do... and they treat EVERYONE the same way. With contempt and as something to be consumed. I would think it would be quite a stretch for YOU to be responsible for poor treatment from a drug addict, bipolar, narcissist. In what reality would a drug addict, bipolar, narcissist be a good mate? If you do want to examine yourself, then I would ask your therapist why it is you feel sorry for an abusive, drug addict, bipolar, narcissist, and why you would blame yourself, and what do you feel in your heart you deserve in a relationship? We spend too much time trying to understand THEM (though it's mind-boggling at first and it's hard not to be obsessed with it), and not enough time searching ourselves and understanding ourselves, and wanting to love ourselves, and being there for ourselves, and nurturing ourselves.

#21 Aug 11 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

anonymous

My story vs where I'm at now

Better Off - I asked Betty for your e-mail .. but in the meantime I wanted to share with you something. I ended my story bascially where I was emotionally last February, which was still devastated and trying to figure it all out. I'm in a much better place, both emotionally and intellectually now than I was then. When I wrote that he might try to open the door again, it was because I am afraid that he will, not because I want him to. And the reason that I'm afraid is because if I ignore him, he might keep pressing and I might have to get to the point of telling him to never contact me again. And I'm scared because I'm afraid he'll go off. I honestly don't think he'd ever physically abuse me, or any other woman (although, as I'm writing this, I recall him one time hitting his dog across the nose very hard when he disobeyed and this is a creature he says he loves) .... at any rate, I'm rambling. I don't want him to contact me. And I guess I know what the answer is ... if it ever got to that point, I would simply change my number and e-mail address and simply take control of the situation. Thanks for all of your great words of wisdom. I know you are right. I'll get there 100% too and I think it will be sooner rather than later. Writing my story was awesome and now I can see things much more clearly. I can read it from an objective POV and say that I am appalled.

#22 Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

better off

And the more you read other

And the more you read other people's stories, the more clear it becomes. When you read case after case of the same con job, the same luring a woman out of her marriage and then dumping her, the same techniques, tactics, the same exact words sometimes!, the same everything, the more you can see how sick they are, and how targeted you were. It's a horrible experience, but there is life after the trauma.

#23 Aug 11 - 9PM (Reply to #11)

anonymous

Manipulative all his life

PS - when your wrote, they KNOW they cause pain, he actually said he has manipulated people his entire life and not just women. He said he wasn't sure what to do about that problem and that he should work on it. He actually used that admisson to suggest it was a another reason why I should remain his best friend - "because we're so much alike and think the same way that you can call me out on stuff and unlike other people, I believe you." Wow! Better Off, you're right, I think now that he knew exactly what he was doing all along. And he never will work on it but it's not my problem. I get that.

#24 Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

better off

They do KNOW it... comparing

They do KNOW it... comparing narcs to just jerks, my husband definitely has a lack of empathy.. it's literally like a blind spot of his. I mean this in the sense that he really has a hard time understanding other people's points of view if they are different. I mean he has a hard time understanding that other people actually can and do feel differently than he does. He really "doesn't get it" and struggles with this. Like if he likes spaghetti, and you don't, he just can't understand that, and it gets really frustrating. But, he can be taught, and he does try... he doesn't WISH to cause pain. He doesn't always "get" another person's feelings (say, uh, mine), but he isn't trying to be hurtful. He's worked hard to try and figure this empathy thing out. The weird thing is that if he DOES get it, he's great. After so many years of unfeeling behavior, IMO, when I was stressed or sick, I was totally shocked that when I had a back injury, there isn't anything he wouldn't do for me. He helped so much and was so sympathetic to my serious pain. Why? He's had a back injury! He GETS that. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's true. Autistics also don't have empathy for people, but they aren't trying to hurt people either. (I don't know that my husband doesn't have some kind of autistic spectrum issue really...) Meanwhile, a narc/psycho... he doesn't have empathy either. But hurting people doesn't bother him one little bit. They will do anything to get their way. In fact, they often enjoy hurting people, as it makes them feel powerful. So I do think that evil is real, and a disorder is still not an "excuse" for evil. Autism is a disorder, yet they are not evil.

#25 Aug 11 - 10PM (Reply to #12)

better off

They make me sick. Oh,

They make me sick. Oh, yeah, we're just alike, buddy, except I have a heart and a soul. And this: "you can call me out on stuff and unlike other people, I believe you." Do you know what that statement means to a manipulator? It means he can use you to find out what he's doing wrong and correct it so he can manipulate people better. You can give him a heads-up when he's doing something NORMAL people will find strange... One thing that does still burn me up is thinking how much better mine probably is at hustling women with all the inside information he got from our "relationship." I wanted to tell the first OW I found out about that she wasn't in love with him, she was in love with ME and just thought it was him. lol

#26 Aug 11 - 9AM

janine

Therapy and NPD

I got into therapy, because I realised that the relationship with my N lover brought back pain from my childhood. With a very loving but disordered father in the background I was able to play a Narcissist at his own game, only why was I doing it? So of course both of those relationships were a topic in therapy. I never asked my therapist should I stay or leave, knowing I'd be getting there gradually. He did explain though that no therapist was ever delighted with treating NPD, that having been established so early it is almost impossible to heal. My guy had a bit of therapy after a breakdown. The diagnosis was NPD plus some borderliner and paranoia. He left treatment before it could be confirmed. This is a pattern. When badly shattered, they'll see a psychiatrist/therapist. Soon as they get better, their grandiosity (=their way of self-protection) will make them devalue the therapist and quit. And, Morty, the therapist cannot give you the peace you are looking for. It will come to you, when you have been through the healing process. Then you will have forgiven your N person and yourself. Wishing you faith and patience.

#27 Aug 11 - 12AM

inrecoverynow

therapy comments

My therapist confirmed that many NPDs' emotional development stops somewhere between 2 and later adolescence, but she had no real explanation for how they become what they are. Mine was stuck at about 16-18 emotionally. They are often damaged by a highly dysfunctional family. Mine had feuding, volatile parents who split up, and a very demanding, controlling mother. He secretly hated her and treated her terrible in her later years. My therapist said there was NOTHING I could have done to have changed him, nor did I cause him to be the way he was. She did say that you can stay married to an NPD if you have a strong enough, or even non-caring-enough attitude to give it right back to them. She used the Clintons as an example! She said that a people-pleaser, co-dependent personality would suffer forever at the hands of one. I probed at depth about the possibility of going back to him. She said that they "could" change somewhat, but they usually don't recognize that THEY HAVE A PROBLEM and don't see themselves ever at fault. And, because their emotional development is quite often stunted, they will NEVER show up as a grown up. I didn't go back but it took everything in me NOT to. I've only been divorced a few months.

#28 Aug 11 - 1AM (Reply to #7)

taking him back

The only reason I would is because of our daughter. But the rules have changed. First: 1. apologize for the mean treatment & behavior. 2. vow never to do it again. 3. Give that to me in writing, notarized. Then: 1. Show me your fiancials. Are you out of your credit card debt? Are you saving for reirement and our daughter's college? What is your business plan for growth in the next 5, 10 years? (Drinking at bars not a plan). 2. Be out of debt...and spending under control for 6 months. I MAY consider you as someone to date, court after those criteria are met.

#29 Aug 10 - 11PM

Susan32

Validation

My therapist basically summed up my "relationship" with my psychopathic professor as a power play, pure power. THAT was definitely validation! He acknowledged that there were factors like addiction (addiction to the drama) and denial. He didn't justify my ex-P's abuse, but he acknowledged that YES, I am a survivor, or I would not be enjoying the success I have now. I no longer have to see myself ONLY as a victim (tho at the time of the D&D I was definitely that) He agrees that my ex-P was more than a narcissist, but a psychopath who thrived on cruelty. So, it was validation. Very healing.

#30 Aug 10 - 7PM

Klarity Belle

Low expectations

I see a Jungian analyst, she validates me that ex n's behaviours are disordered. When he has tried gaslighting me with projection and blame usually via email, she confirms that he is full of crap - she takes a red pen and puts it right through his BS and writes above it 'Projection'. She also picks up on truths about me that the narc is using against me and says things like 'well you are totally aware that you overcompensate at times but that isn't the issue here'. I don't feel the need for this kind of validation any more. He is what he is, he will not change - I can expect Npd behaviours because thats all there is ever going to be. I share children with this idiot and so for the next 7 or so years until they are adults, I have no choice but to 'manage' him, it is damage control. Thankfully me and my girls are all LC - the girls are going for sporadic visits on their terms but not for overnights. The most important people in this situation are my 2 daughters, both have had counselling, both are becoming aware through their own experiences of who and what their father is all about. I validate their feelings about their father but am careful not to tell them information that they are just too young to know. That is basically what my therapist has been helping me to carry out. The validation from her and forums like this one are a huge support to my self recovery and empowerment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#31 Aug 10 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

klarity

I so envy your position with your girls. I have a daughter with my xN. He refuses any therapy for her. She comes back from 3 or more nights with him & has major crying meltdowns over nothing! Her school has a new counselor this year. (Last year, xN took the male counselor & principal to his monday night football vodka promotion at his high-end club. Show off.) I plan to chat with this counselor, and her new teacher, before he does. Klarity-- any advice is appreciated

1
2
next
last

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews