The ADD/Narcissist connection

Ok ladies (and gents), I have been up to my eyeballs in research looking for the connection between anxiety disorders, and why Narcissists seem to single out people that have them. This is some of the stuff I am putting together, and there is still much work to be done , but I am rather excited about it all.

Also bear in mind that I have absolutely NO credentials to support my findings other than being an ADD sufferer that has to date been a shining beacon for Narc attack.
I also cannot speak for other people who suffer anxiety disorders, and realize there are also sub-categories that exist within the spectrum, so I am my own guinea pig here.
With my own ADD which is predominately inattentive, I know I have been this way as long as I can remember. I remember at 4 years old I often analyzed my own thought patterns, and at this point have no idea how common or uncommon this is for a child that young to do. But the interesting thing was while I was observing my thought patterns, what was I observing it with? It had to be another thought pattern.

As a child I was the fixer, the distraction when anybody was being targeted by our resident Narc (dad). I was a clown, an attention grabber, a protector, and I did it very well. Where was my real self while I was hurling myself in the path of the oncoming train? My real self did not matter to me at all. It was relegated to the back seat while I played my role within the family structure. I never even realized that I thought this way about myself until I was about 32 (I am 42 now).

I did not have learning difficulties per se, I simply learned to teach myself. My mind ran at warp speed, and as long as I could find the bigger picture, I could work the solution back to the problem. This is common for ADD sufferers. The education system works backwards for a mind like mine, but I did figure out how to make it work for me. But it is the warp speed that sometimes misses the details and so we are accused of not paying attention. Actually I find that some of the detail is not necessary so I simply don’t add it because I assumed other people thought like I did. An example is solving math equations. I could not follow the steps set out that a normal thinking person needs, my mind connects dots, and a seven step equation was solved in three. My teachers always marked me down for not showing my workings, even though the solution was nearly always correct. I agonized over trying to include those steps and my maths got worse instead of better by trying to do it the correct way.

Anyway I have included some of this info for people who know little of the disorder. Interestingly for me, I was a very good problem solver and an excellent lateral thinker...always outside the box. Always hyper vigilant, I could sense danger, knew when I needed to intervene, and knew how other people were feeling. I could even absorb some of their pain....enter the empath connection. Also if one was to line up the symptoms of PTSD and ADD, the similarities are striking.

So being so hypersensitive, I was very easily hurt, but very rarely showed that pain on the outside. It all got internalized. So what we have here is a personality type that is highly likely to internalize everything, sponges up other people’s pain, and feels a need to solve /fix things. BUT while I was solving, fixing, helping everyone else, it was never for myself. If I was under attack, I simply internalized it, rather than defend myself. Sounds like a narcissists dream? In actual fact, it is. It also seems to me that it is the polar opposite of the narcissist. It is like having two extremes of personality type, and when you close the circle, there is these two types facing off. (Incidentally, it also fits the co-dependent model, but be aware there are different version of this model and I do not agree with all of them)

On the outside I appear confident, centered and having my shit together. I am not acting, I just don’t worry about some outside aesthetics that a lot of people get wrapped up in. This is why I wanted to make the distinction before between self esteem and self. My self esteem was fine, but I had very little connection with self. Also some of the quirks of an ADD person needs to be addressed here. I can talk over the top of people, because I have probably arrived at a solution faster so simply feel the need to explain my view. I am not saying it is always right, I do love intelligent debate. I am aware I do this so try to be mindful of it, but get me wound up, I find it very difficult to pull myself up. I can listen to up to 4 separate conversations at the same time, so while I may be talking to one person, I will suddenly bounce off, comment in someone else’s conversation and bounce back to the first person. I have noticed the confusion and hurt in the other person when I do this, as they assume I am not paying attention to them. I am, I am just paying attention to everything around me. Suffice to say this drives a Narc absolutely bonkers when they demand undivided attention. I am a daydreamer of the highest order. I can do it while still listening to someone, but it also appears to them that I am not paying attention. My daughter would often complain that I was not paying attention to her yet I could repeat back everything that she had said to me. However when in hyper-focus mode, it requires a bomb to be dropped on my head before anyone can get my attention, and I get annoyed with anyone that does this. I have had to learn how to control that. Why am I including these quirky behaviors? Because on the outside they can appear to be very similar to Narcissism, but are actually for quite the opposite reasons.

So let’s have another look at the narcissist. They are the externalizers. They will not own anything, will not let anything inside them, so must project outwards at all times. Recently I had the opportunity to ask a Narcissist what had “happened” to them, appealing to the victim that exists in every Narcissist. This is what he said in a very, very brief moment of clarity.

Narc: I am running through a field, and am trying to find the end of it, but everything inside is going too fast. I can’t find the end of the field.
Me: Are you alone?
Narc: Yes but I am scared because I can’t get it to stop, it is going too fast. But outside everything is going sooo slow, it is going too slow.
Me: So what do you do?
Narc: I have to push everything inside to the outside.
Me: To make the outside go fast?
Narc: to make the outside the same as the inside. I have to become the robot.
Me: why do you have to become the robot?
Narc: Because nobody wants to be the robot, I have to become it.

This conversation only continued for a couple more minutes and the Narc reappeared and basically nailed the door shut. For a moment my heart cried for the child that had to do that, but not for the monster it had become.

So, in all of this, the big question for me is why did my personality go off in one direction, and the Narcs go off in the other. Is it a defense mechanism that have fired in different ways? Is there a genetic predisposition to go one way or the other? The mind boggles. Feel free, all and sundry to pick this to pieces, get the thinking caps on and let me know your thoughts, and ask for me to clarify if you have questions.

Just as a footnote, I have come across the notion that the Hindus believe that ADHD is not a disorder but evidence of Holy souls. I do need to do more research on this though.