The actual goodbye letter

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#1 Sep 11 - 4PM
chattyirish's picture

The actual goodbye letter

Scary. This was my letter to him before I ever laid eyes on this forum . The ACTUAl final note to him. I always thought a narcissist was someone who looked in the mirror to much. I had no idea. After trolling these forums for the past several days, I realize now what I was dealing with. I have felt pathetic for a long time, and probably should be embarressed to post this here, but its part of my healing process.

This is a copy of the email exchange taht occurred after he moved out and I figured out he had been cheating on me- again. The names have been xxx'ed to protect the guilty and the embarrassed. Would love to hear feedback because I am now convinced he is a raging N.

From: xxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, September 05, 2012 12:15 PM
To: xxxx
Subject: RE: question

I have decided that you don’t get off this easy. You hurt me and now I get to tell you how I feel. This is not fighting, its telling it like it is.

You are missing the point. It’s not that you left, it’s how you left.

You don’t get to skirt the issue and act like things would have ended badly anyway. Yes- breakups always hurt, but when you find out that someone left you for someone else and they were lying to your face (I should have been used to it) they put you in a rage.
Yes- I wanted you to leave or change your behavior that weekend; I left all of your laundry done so you could make a clean sweep and there would be nothing left to come back for. But I wanted you to leave. I wanted to be out of the reach of your awful, awful torment. And I hadn’t even come to the cheating conclusion yet because I am always so naïve. It didn’t have to end this badly. You could have left weeks earlier –the second you decided you wanted to see her. Instead, you chose to stay here and inflict pain on me. You chose the wrong way.

You are a natural born liar. Your life has gone off so many cliffs because you never ever do the right thing. You always choose the wrong thing, the wrong situation, the easy way out, the scam, the lie, the easy money, the next girl, the thrill of the cheat, the new thing, the secret, and another lie.. You try and make up for wrong doings, but you always take the wrong path; again and again and again. You are such a shell that it’s hard to look at you and recognize the man that you could have been and maybe once were.

Do you even realize that you hid everything from me? You kept secrets to the point that you brought your phone into the bathroom with you. You made sure it was always face down so I wouldn’t happen to see any messages pop up. You locked it and made up a bull shit story about your friends using it to text! It must take a lot of energy to lie and cover things up like that. It took almost eight years for you to introduce me to your parents! You keep your life in these little fragments. I assume now that its so no one can ever see the awful truth of what you are. Honesty is a lot easier. And if you didn’t love me, I don’t know why you stayed.

When I say I love you deeply, it’s true. Don’t mistake my loving you for wanting you in my life because you are POISON. It breaks my heart to see what you have turned into. I would give anything to see you happy. But I wouldn’t be with you and suffer your emotional abuse again You almost singlehandedly ruined my life. You drug me down psychologically, emotionally and physically to the point I almost don’t recognize myself. But I allowed you to do it; I gave you that power over me.

Yes, I will move on and I will find happiness again. This awful sting will get a little better over the weeks and months. Then I will find someone else and work on having a healthy relationship with someone who is not a certified sociopath. You should check out this link to confirm your diagnosis. It pretty much describes you to a tee.

I would have done anything for you. I would have given anything to see you happy, but you are your own worst enemy. You will continue on this path because you are self destructive and won’t let anyone in. If you ever want to change, get some serious help. You need to dig out all of the crap in your life that has turned you into this and throw it away.

So enjoy your new fling. I am sure you are manic right now with infatuation. That’s how you always get. Then in a while you will tire of her and move on to the next one. You will do this until you are old and alone.

All done now… got it all off my chest. Well most of it. I could have gone on and on, but its pointless. I am sorry if this came out ugly, but you left a whole wake of ugly in your path. You left me bitter and broken. But I will bounce back.

I will always love something in you and will never truly turn my back on you. If you find yourself needing my help some day down the road, I will not deny you.

So good luck and I hope you find better days. I know I will.

From: xxxx
Sent: Wednesday, September 05, 2012 7:11 AM
To: xxxxxxx
Subject: Re: question

I chose not to fight with you and continue to do so.

I am sorry it ended badly between us but there was no way that wasn't going to happen.

Be well

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 4, 2012, at 11:00 PM, xxxxxxwrote:
Tell yourself whatever makes you feel better. No remorse. A natural born cheater. Always was and always will be. Enjoy it while it lasts. Btw. It was just a hunch until now. Just a guess that you confirmed by not denying it.
Have a fabulous time

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 4, 2012, at 9:09 PM, xxxxx wrote:
I saw the texts but refused to get into a texting battle with you. You are looking at the last 8 years as if they were something we should have cherished but in reality they were so wrong. I hurt you and then the vicious cycle was created. I did not plan for my life to take the turns it took (all bad ones and some over cliffs) but they occurred, either to me or I allowed them to happen.

You and I stopped communicating a long time ago, we were just going through the motions. You did however mention making “a big change” and because of your employment challenges I thought you might just have to or want to pick up and move. Then we got to the point where we both just gave up. Then you went away for the weekend and had the house cleaner than I have ever seen, every bit of laundry done and the picture of you and I gone. The message was clear. I know this sucks and I am sorry that we did not kill this or cure it a long, long time ago.

Things are not going well for me and they are going to get uglier soon so you will be far better off moving on with your life. You have a lot to offer to someone and you can have a clean start. I don’t want to continue to hurt you and it seemed inevitable. There was no future for you with me, just a forever struggle, financially and emotionally.

We have said good bye far too many times, I am sorry that you are hurting once again. You will hurt but then you will move on and be far better off. I love you as well and that is one reason this is the best solution.


From: xxxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2012 5:46 PM
Subject: RE: question

There is no need to email me back. I just wanted to know if you got my messages. The man I know would never been so cruel as not to respond in some kind, even to say sorry things ended so badly.
Like I said, I wanted you to look at me and tell me you were sorry for the betrayal you dished out. I wanted you to think back to a time when someone did it to you and recognize and remember the pain and total devastation it leaves. Remember how it changed who you were inside and how you couldn’t eat or sleep or breathe. I thought I deserved that from you, but you obviously didn’t. You couldn’t break away from xxxxx or your “bad week” to write a text to me.

For some reason that I cannot figure out, I still love you deeply. That is why this has destroyed me so much. I know my part in our growing apart, but I would never have been so cruel to you and you should have been man enough to own up to what you did to me. But, I should have been smart enough to expect it from you.

So, in fact your non answers were your answers, as I feared. There is nothing left to say then.

Although I will always love you, I guess this is good bye.


From: xxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2012 3:53 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: Re: question

I have had an extremely bad week. I will email you tonight

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 4, 2012, at 2:28 PM, xxxxx wrote:
Please do me the favor of answering me. My phone was changed to imessage last week so my texting is messed up.

Did you receive my texts and ignore them (its ok- it is your choice)

Or- did you not receive them.

Please let me know if not received or ignored.

Sep 12 - 3AM
Portia's picture

The Long Goodbye

Sep 12 - 3AM
Lovely1's picture

Great letter. I did one

Sep 11 - 10PM
Emma's picture

Please don't get me

Sep 12 - 3AM (Reply to #2)
chattyirish's picture

email ping pong... probably.

Sep 12 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
spinning's picture

Close the door, now, chatty,


Sep 12 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
chattyirish's picture

Closing the door :-)