Aaghstruck's Story
Aaghstruck's Story
I am a married woman of 31 years to an amazing man who is very loving and kind to me. About three years ago an acquaintance introduced me and my husband to a married man and his wife. We became friends with him and his wife. Before long me and this man were spending more time with each other engaging in “spiritual discussions”. I loved having these discussions with him as I have been on a spiritual journey since 2000. Early into this friendship he told me he was “sent to me to be my spiritual teacher". I was thrilled to have this “older and wiser” charming man assist me on my spiritual journey. Lunches and meeting times between the two of us became more frequent. I trusted him explicitly. He often would tell me I needed to trust him and tell him all of my fears and insecurities in order for him to understand me better. He was so charming and would often refer to himself as "a mystery man" saying “someday you will know who I am”. He dropped names of Hollywood friends and painted himself to be on the “fast track”. He drove a very nice, sporty car and would talk about being MORE than financially secure. He was a very successful EVERYTHING. He became my N.
To make a long story short ….. I was in an emotional affair with him for 3 three years causing much pain to my husband and children. My marriage was challenged in many ways. I had never felt so empty in my life. All the lies (which he actually thought I believed ... heehee) and the build ups of himself are nothing but laughable really. The many questions I asked him, which he somehow would NEVER answer, along with much self doubt caused a constant pit in my stomach and literally stripped me of the JOY and PEACE I used to have.
I feel like I have truly been poisoned by this man. He lied, deceived and manipulated me many times!! He was very good at his “CHARMING, CARING and LOVING” ways in order to convince me of his love. There is NO CONTACT between us anymore.
More often than I like, I find myself riding the ANNOYING roller coaster of “is he” or “isn’t he” a Narcissist. Stupid ride because in my heart and gut I KNOW he is!! My mind gets in the way by tricking me into doubting my gut feelings. I am angry that I seem to be having such a difficult time getting him out of my head! WHY does it still feel that he is INSIDE my head taunting me?? I hate thinking he has really sunk his claws that deep into me that I can’t get them out. I hate putting my husband through all of this "recovery” I'm going through.
It helps so much to read other peoples’ experiences with their N and to realize that I am not alone in all of this. I feel stupid that I would let any of this happen to me. Prior to all of this I didn’t understand much about Narcissists and how they work!!! Not anymore. Lately I have read a lot about N’s. I was the perfect target! I NEVER should have opened my heart to this man and trusted that he was my friend. Narcissists really cannot be friends! What heartache they cause!
I welcome any suggestions!
Positions of Power
Narcissists are the drug
Thank you 58 and going
Your friend
PS
Never doubt my willingness to