Aaaargh!!! How do you deal with your anger?

A lot of you wouldn't believe me when I said I'm totally over my Narc. But I am. There is still a little bit of lingering anger, but I am not driven and engulfed by it. I think information and knowledge and social networks that you build up while you are calm, is the best resource you can fall back on when you are not. Some of you know my story. I e-mailed my ex to tell him I will not engage him romantically or sexually again, if I come back it's only professional. If he can't agree to that and respect that I don't come back. So then he stopped his regular e-mails and begun his silent treatment. A part of me is panicking, "gosh, is he angry? Will he withdraw the job offer? what is he thinking? why won't he talk to me?" But even as my heart aches at the possibilities, I know he's just playing his game. And I know he is waiting for me to panic, and then apologize to him, and accept whatever perversion he demands. And so even as I panic, I am able to laugh at myself, at my situation, oh the little games they play! They are so predictable it's ... funny. Because he can wait all his life, he can extend his silent treatment indefinitely. I really want that job, but I don't care how he reacts about my rejection, I don't care if he is tearing up his house, swearing at his furniture, starving himself, drinking himself to a coma. I just don't care. And knowing I have so much more control than he, just made my day. The smug satisfaction is slightly addictive, and it's easy to replace my out-of-control righteous indignant with it.

When I realized the ex-Psych was feeding off my anger, I was determined to make him go hungry. I vented my anger to my friends-to people I TRUSTED-and to a therapist-NOT to him. In other words, I didn't give him what he wanted so much. He WANTED me to see me crazy with anger, especially when I met his girlfriend-but I've NEVER given that satisfaction. Sometimes the withholding itself is pleasurable. I also used humor. The ex-P wanted to deprive me of my sense of humor... and he found himself the object of ridicule. Humor kept my anger clothed in a very passive-aggressive, funny to everybody but him kind of way. Besides, laughter is good for you.

Including some of his blood (he cut himself shaving) and some of his hair (which is falling out, ha ha) and stuck pins in it (you can guess where). I went out into the woods and yelled. I castrated my pillow with my teeth. I beat up the sofa. I kicked trees (I`m sorry about that, I love trees). I did nasty things to a pair of socks of his I found at the bottom of my washing basket. I wrote it all down. Every time I felt mad (OR sad, sick, scared) I journalled. The journal now shows a strong trend AWAY from anger and pain, and yours will too. Keep up the good work, anger is part of healing.

Don't forget the voodoo doll!

About a month ago i seriously just lost it at my narc. i started screaming i literally was hitting and screaming i was going to kill him. ha ha afterwards I was covered in bruises (self inflicted). That when it hit me. Wow i have completely lost it and no one is worth this pain. My baby got scared and was crying. This is no way to live.

Take that energy and use it for good! Nothing good comes from being destructive. As Joni Mitchell wrote.......... Everything comes and goes.......... Stay calm, keep it real.........and never let him get the best of you, he doesn't deserve it, nor did he earn it. It comes down to you.it all comes down to you.

Sounds good in theory.. But you won't win!, Hunter

I think there was a Narc Meeting or Convention today because it seems they are crawling out of the woodwork tonight! Dulcinea, there will come a point when you will just LAUGH. Tonight, I actually laughed when I saw that he text. What I did to help with the anger and anxiety? Mom and I joined the gym. We go 3-4 times a week and before I get on the treadmill, I think of him and i get MAD. Best workout ever! hang in there!

I found pounding away on a pillow (while picturing her face) was quite therapeutic! Definitely maintain your NC because he doesn't deserve the time of day from you!! Long walks are good too, any kind of exercise...and venting here of course! xx, Rose

Go grab yourself a glass wine (if you drink) and then sit down...and breathe. I personally think you are doing ALL the correct things: 1) NC 2) venting to us. NC for sure, because we all know that would be his wet dream - to know that you are upset. So do not give him that satisfaction. Also because you know how they are the masters of twisting, he will only come back and try to make you look like the irrational one. (...hey...that gives me an idea, I should buy my ex Twister for Xmas, darn I'm smart!) Vent, Vent , Vent! I did just this thing last night. I wanted to rip one strip my ex on one side and then continue down the other when my son told me that Daddy bought another gaming system and games etc...to the tune of $500 + ...even though he is tens of thousands of dollars in support arrears. Nope! Shutting my mouth and vented to my mom and then my lawyer. So you keep on venting...and loudly if you need to. We are here and understand the frustrations of the crazymaking. Keep the faith and you are doing wonderfully!