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5 days NC

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#1 Aug 5 - 12AM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

5 days NC

he tried three times tonite to call and one email...he does seem worried if I am ok as I have been having health issues...

but what got me was.... he was so concerned yet, didnt call until late...(when gf goes to bed) and then put in the email he has to wake up early, then calls me 30 min later.
just wearing.

I am having some health issues- that i need NO stress so I can get better.... thus why I have had to be NC with him. despite needing him to work on the project. I just cannot have all the turmoil that goes with him.

he seems confused by this as he feels we were working on things.... and we were re the project
, but then things really sunk in and then I needed to focus only on me and surround myself with supportive friends.

at one point tonite I did hope (the old him) would call me, so thankfully when he did I was on the phone with a friend and then another called soon after-

I just dont know if he is now going to threaten not to do the work.... because he sees this as me ignoring him....
so somehow to save the project I will need to email him I suppose.... but I just cant bring myself to do that right now... like I said I really must focus on me.

it will be 5 days tomorrow. I think I will need partial contact to get the project done...but these 5 days have helped a lot. It has given me a chance to develop a new routine(not talking to him at nite) etc. a healthier routine.....and some ME time...that I so need. either way he wont be happy that I avoided him.... when I finally do contact him.... if he had sent something simple like a text I would have replied (odd how in this instance he hasnt done that) I dont think it is genuine concern for me... i think that he feels that he is concerned, but I think it is more of a panic on his part- then tomorrow he will be back with the gf and back to his life....

ah well tomorrow is another day.... and I must take care of me.

Aug 5 - 2AM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

DESTINY pls read this

been there done that exactly. I also had health issues he apparently tried to send me stupid messages trying to apease his own feeling that he is a complete bastard. because he knew he had done nothing!!!! so they finally, weakly send you a message "I hope you are ok?". Once you respond, which you want to because you are desperate in pain and ill and cant believe they dont care, they will have you. THEY DONT CARE!!!! write it on your mirror. its like the wolf saying oh your poor girl.. come into my den...and I will heal your wounds. So you go in there, and he cruely bites another piece out of you. its not real... He doesn't feel!! He wants to make himself look normal to himself or others. They know that normal people would be concerned in this situation so they try to fake compassion and worry. YOU WILL feel much worse if he sucks you in and you respond to him, and he takes you on another dance only to discard you again. ignore ignore ignore. if you have to block his email, phone, whatever or change your number. even if you look at the email. he knows you have by checking on his computer that the reciever opened the mail. Dont open it,dont respond, stay here. WE are real, he isnt. FOCUS ON YOUR HEALING, HE IS DEAD!
Aug 5 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yea- i got sucked in, in the

yea- i got sucked in, in the past when he would text etc are you ok.... it sucks sometimes how badly things have changed. even in the email....instead of it just being about me, he had things in there about him i guess the new him that jumps off the phone etc isnt working out too well ...even with me not around. I may reply because I do need him to complete a project, but it will be from a distance until this health issue resolves and even after that...5 days really has given me clarity. a really concered friend wouldnt wait until a gf goes to sleep to call...although his other calls were earlier. I dont think he can see when I read the mail....he hasnt been able to in the past. I am focusing on my healing....he acts concerned but has no clue and often would say the wrong things....and wonder why it upset me. and i have no time for that... i do miss the days I thought he was a friend ..... but that can be no more..sadly. and yes even in pain it is tough not to just answer the phone but i did that three times last nite this is just so difficult...ugh mostly because of the project -
Aug 5 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
spinning
spinning's picture

destiny, this is such great

effort on your part and I am very proud of you. It is amazing that in just five days you have some clarity and see things with new eyes. It is what makes staying in a toxic "relationship" harder and harder to do, as you are realizing. He is hoovering you big time and you haven't bitten. I think maybe God or the Universe or whatever greater good was looking out for you when he called and you were talking to a friend and then another called shortly after! That's pretty neat and it's even better that you realize that it helped you not take his call. He's probably going to continue (on his terms, of course so he can lie to the GF) to try to keep you in the supply loop. You taking this time to deal with your physical issues and take care of yourself is KEY right now. You are already much stronger and much less confused than even one week ago. This is so great! Destiny, I hope you have a great day and great narc-free weekend. You've been doing so well and the hard work will pay off in better things coming into your life as you move forward. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE MYSELF.

spinning

Aug 5 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks spinning - it was

thanks spinning - it was pretty cool that I was on the phone when the 1st call came thru, what is so odd about that call is that friend and I were talking prior and they just happened to call me back. I supposed it is hoovering- basically pleading with me to let him know I am ok- but like I said he had all day yesterday to see if I was OK....not just wait until after gf went to bed... you dont just suddenly wonder if Destiny is ok at that late hour. and as it sunk in earlier yesterday- things can never be the same now that he lied to the GF- and I dont see him in my life a year from now- dont think that can be possible.... lying to the gf to save himself... was the final straw really.... bc that limits when we can talk (and I axed friends in my life for that reason - friendship shouldnt be restricted- ) I guess in some strange way I am acting somewhat like him...taking care of me and not dealing with him- much like he did to me in the past... with this 'new' him. and yes it will be all on his terms...even now when he is contacting me...all at times that are good for him. foolnolonger- thanks for that suggestion- he hates when there is no emotion though and it is strictly business. I have to think of some sort of reply so that I dont risk the project.. I really dont even have the urge to talk to him...I associate talking to him with him jumping off the phone etc. so I avoid. I used to like his number coming up on my caller ID....now I dread it (and i told him this.... so he does know it) the odd thing is how on earth is the GF this snowed!
Aug 5 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

I know it sucks when you

I know it sucks when you have to contact them as I do on financial stuff, but keep it strictly formal by email, just a few essential lines, not phone so its all written down, and try to keep emotion out of it as far as possible.