the 48 rules of power - law 36 - to ignore is the best revenge

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#1 Apr 2 - 10AM
dudette
dudette's picture

the 48 rules of power - law 36 - to ignore is the best revenge

also known as the narc and psychoppath's bible....

Law 36 - "disdain what you cannot have, indifference is the best form of revenge...."

compare, contract and discuss ;-)

Apr 2 - 8PM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

How about Law 32?

"Play to people's fantasies." Isn't this how the Narc started their relationship with all of us and continued to play us? Wow! is all I can say about this list. Wish I'd known about it before I met him so I could use it against him. Do any of you fantasize that you could lure them in the way they did you and turn the tables on them to have the control and make them squirm? Would it even work with them?
Apr 2 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Smitten Kitten

I don't think it would work...they'd be bored, they like a challenge and to be in control, you'd be too much work...they're lazy...they'd just walk away... You can't affect them...they only know two feelings, FEAR and RAGE... In order to use this against them, there would have to be a primary attachement. They don't attach.
Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #20)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

But if they're lazy, why do

But if they're lazy, why do they like a challenge? That implies work and energy spent to procure supply, which we know they are capable of when they are targeting a new source. When they ARE happy (as in satisfied, because they can never be truly happy) with the supply we're giving them and not experiencing fear or rage, what are they feeling at that point? Don't we have SOME effect some of the time?
Apr 3 - 12AM (Reply to #22)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

But you know...I've been at this a little longer?

I've been at this for a while...I do remember wanting to run him over then hitting reverse and doing it again... Not expecting you to be there just yet if you're new to just discovering? Back then, forget turning tables, you rip the table apart and beat him with each piece... That is actually healthy and about normal when it's all new...and there will be a rollercoaster ride of emotions...so don't knock yourself if you're not chanting peace love and light yet... I haven't had a bad moment in a while, but it was no joke getting here as you will see... But we're all here to support you. Sometimes I forget what stage someone's at. Hugs!
Apr 3 - 12PM (Reply to #24)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks for your support. Yes,

Thanks for your support. Yes, I am still getting around the CD that the guy I fell in love with doesn't even exist. That it was all an act in the beginning and none of it was real. Even though my head knows better, based on everything he did to me and everything I've been reading for how many weeks now, there's a part of me that is still in denial and clings to a shred of hope. I know it's ridiculous and there is no hope, he will never change or be different. I'm just still struggling to let go of my illusions and wrap my head around how screwed up a person has to be to do those things. I read "Missing the Narcissist" and it is so true. My heart still wants and misses "Pretend Guy" but not the asshole he really is. And I am so there with wanting to beat him with a table! On Friday I was having a particularly bad day as far as he's concerned and it's a good thing I'm 3,000 miles away, because I was so angry I wanted to hunt him down and beat the shit out of him! This coming Tuesday I will be 3 weeks NC, and though I KNOW I will not initiate anything with him, not because I'm that strong, but because I absolutely refuse to give him that satisfaction, but I'm still wanting him to TRY and contact me. I'm still feeling incredibly rejected in favor of the new GF, even though I know it's not "me" he rejected, it's just the way he is and would be with anybody, but it still feels that way right now. I'd like to believe it's at least pissing him off and driving him crazy that I haven't caved yet.
Apr 3 - 3PM (Reply to #25)
Journey
Journey's picture

Smitten

He really doesn't exist. The guy you loved was created by your willingness to see him and his manipulation and control to present to you what you wanted to see in order to snare whatever he wanted or needed from you. I say that from complete experience here and not as a criticism at all. You have only been no contact 3 weeks... that might not be enough time for him to even notice there has been a change in your view of him and depending on how much supply he is getting now he might not even care. I am sorry that sounds so harsh. My exN left me and went directly into another relationship too and it drove me insane with obsessive thoughts about them together. Thing is, your healing will come only when you no longer care what effect your actions (or your non actions such as no contact) have on his mind which doesn't work the same way our does anyway, so thinking as if it does is pointless. No matter how much we try to imagine what they think about us now or how they feel we can never fathom the truth of his experience. They just don't care beyond the moment of supply and that is what we can not relate to, but that reality is what we must grasp in order to stop ourselves from doing or not doing anything anymore in order to reach them or to cause an effect or reaction to us. I think that is why it is so hard to let go. With most people there would be a reaction or some kind of closure. These guys leave us as if what we had never existed at all - OMG what a mind fuck that is for us to endure. They might be able to remain fond of people from their past and who've they've professed to love, but they can not truly remain connected as a lover or as a friend to anyone in a reciprocal way. Mine has a son and I think he loves him, but I wonder about how deep even that connection really goes since he lives his life with the motto of remaining unattached. I understand the feeling of rejection you feel, but it is so vital that you realize he doesn't really even see you, nor can he value what you represent as a person now or while still involved with him beyond his immediate gratification. His involvement with new girlfriend also does not go deeper than this. It is not personal that he is with her instead of you. It is normal to miss 'the good guy' we loved. I miss him every day but I have also come to a point where I know there might as well have been a funeral because no matter how much I've mourned him, he is never coming back to life. I find it really helps me to see him as a ghost who at times haunts me still, but who I see now as only a reminder of who I thought he was. The CD is lessening with this perspective. ((hugs))

Journey on...

Apr 4 - 3PM (Reply to #26)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Journey

Yes, all of what you say is true and I know that some day, when I reach the indifference stage, I will truly be over him. Right now I'm not even close to that. I love Pretend Guy and I hate Actual Guy. I still cry at some point every single day ever since the BIG D&D 9 weeks ago. I guess that wasn't the absolute final one though which was 3 weeks ago and started the NC, because he still contacted me afterwards to be friends, but really just to heap more abuse on me as he emotionally tortured me with the details of his new relationship. Friends don't treat friends that way. And still his memory haunts me morning and night, all day long. Although I'm finding I have blocks of time, albeit small, where I realize I was thinking of something other than him. At least it's not every second of the day like it used to be so things are getting better, if slowly.
Apr 5 - 1AM (Reply to #27)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Smitten

I can totally relate. I pray to be released from this obsessive thought of him. He is not worth it! I also retain a tiny shred of hope that he actually loved me, but over the last three months, the desire to actually be with him has lessened greatly, because he is so unhealthy it is not so attractive and would stress me out to even think about a second chance. It is an awful place though - I still love him (the non idiot part) and I know too much now to ever be happy with him again. But I miss the hell out of him on a primal level - we bonded on some level and I do not think it will break - but maybe psychic bonds do break... How to not take the rejection personally is a huge challenge. He pretty much hid me for 10 years at his house and is proudly flashing a trashy lady publicly after a few months... How is that not personal...
Apr 3 - 12AM (Reply to #23)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Michele115

I'm going to add this one to the list I created last week......... Back then, forget turning tables, you rip the table apart and beat him with each piece
Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #21)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Smitten

And how long do they work? First fifteen minutes once they score? Then what? The challenge is like addiction, junkies keep going at it trying to achieve the ultimate high...that's why one is too many and a million is never enough. Same with the narcs...yea, for a bit, they have "energy" to get their high, after that...same amount of energy and love we give to our toasters. They are never happy you are right...what are they feeling, I dunno, I guess like a toaster feels when there is bread in it? I've never been a narc, I can only go by all that I've read which was extensive...but I guess there is room for questioning as NONE of what we "belive" has been "proven" other than our victim status, and what the shrinks say? BUT maybe they could be cured...I dunno...it's all open to variables I guess...what is concrete is our PAIN...I don't think we have any effect other than that of a drug...I think they react to the same endorphins we do love creates a high, but for them, the high is probably tied more to the "ACT" of "SEX" the chemicals created as a result of orgasm, not necessarily a bond...seriously, Feed the Ego and let him orgasm...we are tools...to acheive an means just like toasters serve a purpose...
Apr 2 - 7PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My personal opinion

For me, I came across this book the other day, a friend was talking about it. While I note we are more and more following into a narcissistic society. I feel I have learned and know my enemy enough. I don't want a manual on how to implement a hostile takeover...I want to focus more on love and light... I think what we fill our minds with also colors our moods, actions and lives. That's just my two cents...I want to radiate towards the positive. I know enough about him...I want to focus more on me. AND while I see the merits of "knowing how the enemy operates" it's my hope that by getting to a positive place, I won't attract anymore enemies and will oushine them with my light to where they can't really touch me...Light is always more powerful than darkness.
Apr 2 - 7PM
kgirl
kgirl's picture

Wow...my N sure has this

Wow...my N sure has this down! I should read the other 47 rules....or maybe not :)
Apr 2 - 6PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Um... disturbing

to know how sophisticated their tools are and that I got played... could barely read this, still hurts to know truth
Apr 2 - 11AM
I don t get it ...
I don t get it I just don t's picture

Can work both ways

I'm familiar with this book, you'll find it in the political science section of the book store. Required reading at University. I used it myself when dealing with bully and N. "indifference is the best form of revenge" Yes, and by doing the NC thing, we are showing them that we are indifferent. Even though we may be freaking out, they don't know that...they only hear the silence. Take the book, all those 48 Rules Of Power, and use them to escape these nut jobs
Apr 2 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

wOw

This is the Narcissist bible! I think my ex N owns this book! What you wrote "Even though we may be freaking out, they don't know that...they only hear the silence." Yes! And that is empowering! Its just fine and dandy for our N's to cut us off, ignore us and show us indifference... But we do it to them? Forgetaboutit! Narcissist's HATE to be ignored. It kills them. My ex-ass got desperate and it was fun to see him squirm. Silence is DEAFENING to them! It screams loudly in their ear, "you no longer matter!".
Apr 2 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

wOw

This is the Narcissist bible! What you wrote "Even though we may be freaking out, they don't know that...they only hear the silence." Yes! And that is empowering! Its just fine and dandy for our N's to cut us off, ignore us and show us indifference... But we do it to them? Forgetaboutit! Narcissist's HATE to be ignored. It kills them. My ex-ass got desperate and it was fun to see him squirm. Silence is DEAFENING to them! It screams loudly in their ear, "you no longer matter!".
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Nice!!!!

I totally agree with this, NC is the way to go. Infuriates them more than anything else and it give us the chance to break the cycle of abuse and brainwashing. God bless, Goldie
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
dudette
dudette's picture

So true!!!!

in fact, before I deleted my FB account, I posted law 36 as my favourite quote, which then went on my public page (even visible to those who were not my friends anymore) and changed my pic to a big no trespassing sign.... just in case the narc had a little peep - he'll so know I am onto him LOL.... But you are so right, we can use this book against them as it seems that all their behaviours are a reflection of those rules rules for the loser and the inadequate..... Law 36 reminds me everyday of NC and also gives me the reason behind the silent treatment and the stone face that I got from N....
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
I don t get it ...
I don t get it I just don t's picture

Link and comments

It really is a great book...for the CIA or Army War College! I will tell you that some of this 48 will sicken you, but you really can use to basic ideas to deal with those that are mean, cruel, and N's too. It saved me from a serious bully a number of years ago...and has worked well with the N too. The link below is an overview of the book, as well as a listing of all 48. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_48_Laws_of_Power
Apr 3 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
Finally Faced It
Finally Faced It's picture

That list.

Reading that list made me physically ill. That is no way to live...
Apr 2 - 10AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I like Law 19...

It's "Know your opponent. Don't get the wrong person angry." Ns/Ps don't really KNOW us, do they?
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
dudette
dudette's picture

ha ha Susan! here is another....control the options

Law 31: Get others to play with the cards you deal. (The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favour whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of the dilemma: they are gored wherever they turn. Note: this is a different view on my idea of re-framing questions. The questions are re-framed so well that the girl has no option.) Effing b,loody assholes!!!!!
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Controlling the options

I think that's why the ex-P (as in psychopath, NO he was is NOT a professor of psychology) doesn't contact me. It's a no-win situation. He'd be exposed to ridicule. Since he got tenure, he's surrounded by colleagues who remember what happened 11 years ago. And I'd ignore him or respond with "LOL." Besides, I was the one who left town WITHOUT telling him. I did the final discard, not him. It's not as if he lost his professorship&jumped ship... no, he got stuck like Brer Rabbit with the tar baby. Oh... and his parents live with him. Lucky guy.
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
dudette
dudette's picture

susan

you made me laugh, thank you !
Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Laugher is HEALING

You are MOST WELCOME! Besides, laughter releases the good hormones and keeps the immune system in tip-top shape (and if I laugh too hard, it triggers my asthma- so it's a mix) In an odd way, I think the ex-P WANTED his outrageous behavior to trigger a firing, so he could pack up&move on... to a place where nobody would know him, he'd play the victim, talk about how some hysterical, love-crazed student seduced him, he lost a meaningful job at a cream of the crop college... but NO. He impregnated the girlfriend around the time I left, his parents moved in.. and he got tenure. He didn't get a chance to move to a place where NOBODY knew about the final D&D. Even the professor with whom he shares an office remembers it! He saw part of it while he was trying to study&correct papers&we were arguing right in front of him! It's not as if he's in a den of friendliness. Not to mention the cougars&coyotes that sometimes wander onto campus. He was paranoid because I'd casually mention how the coyotes were NICE to me, and unlike him, wouldn't attack me.* *I once told him that if I were like Circe, I would've turned him into a puppy (his first name is Hebrew for dog)... and our relationship would've been perfect. I could've met his needs with puppy chow, he would've licked my face... good times all around. Unfortunately, I never did learn what shamans call "animal transformation."
Apr 3 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

where can I see these rules?

are they posted here?
Apr 3 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

oh

lol, i just saw the link...above