"3 mnths is too long to be upset over a relationship!"

everyone. It would be great if my family and friends would stop making comments that are insensitive regarding MY emotions. However, I see that i have to fake it with them and say "fine" or "great" and muster up a few moments of fake perkiness when they call. It really is annoying that at times like this when you need friends and family the most, they are the ones criticizing me ... hence making me feel worse. Again, thanks to you all for understanding and sharing your experiences. Jessika

Jessika, My Aunt used to say this stuff to me and would actually get very frustrated with me. I felt that when she called I couldnt be honest about my feelings, because I would come away from the conversation feeling worse about myself. Then I realized that I need to vent feelings with safe and supportive people. My Aunt never had this experience so she couldnt relate. It's not that she didnt love me. So, now when I talk to her, I keep it light. I vent here and in counselling and other friends who have gone through divorce or similar situations. And sometimes, and with certain people..when they ask "how are you?", they just want to hear "I'm fine, how are you?"

Many hugs to you! I had a friend react much the same way, like everyone else here as said unless they've been a victim there is no understanding this. I remember watching a documentary about abused women and it was amazing how many years some of them stayed. My then husband couldn't understand why they would stay that long but I could. You get worn down, feel so useless and hopeless that getting out doesn't seem like an option. 3 months or more doesn't matter how long it takes for you to finally move on just as long as you do. Everyone has their own pace as to when they are ready, don't let anyone rush you. She just doesn't get it because luckily for her she's never gotten involved with one of these psychos. I don't wish one of these psychos on anyone either but I wish they would be more empathetic. I would definitely not discuss the situation with her any longer. I had to cut my friend off for a time because she was making me feel like I was the crazy one. You don't need that.

Some people who have never been involved with a Narcissist, who've never experienced the twisted dance, don't understand. The after-affects of being taken by surprise is so devastating that they have no idea how bad it can be. The simple truth is that unless they have compassion and understanding, they're going to be frustrated that their, "Oh, just get over it, already!" comments are NOT helpful. They might be clueless but it doesn't diminish the truth that this kind of pain goes so deep, that it takes a lot of work to "GET OVER IT"! I just caught the last 15 minutes of Prime Time last night. It was about a Narcissist Pyschopath who evidently killed his first wife and was married to his second. She was being interviewed about how he roped her in. If not for the first wife's SISTERS who knew what he was like telling her about him, she may have ended up like wife number 1. This stuff is real, and anybody who dismisses it, diminishes it, pooh-poohs it or ignores it, is a fool. The trauma and pain goes deep....very deep. We are fighting for our very lives. If the N isn't a "killer" physically, he's a predator emotionally. The emotional abuse is so horrible, without help, your life can never be the same. We have to fight this with everything we've got. I'm so sorry they don't understand about what happened to you. We DO. Barbara is right....you may have to go No Contact on those who don't "get it". Hugs, neveragain

you may need to go NC on family and friends until they realize this was a PATHOLOGICAL man and it's a different relationship with healing... NOT just a 'bad break up.' http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/02/when-your-friends-family-dont-get-it-about-narcissist http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/healing-and-forgiveness.html It's NOT up to them how long it takes. It takes what it takes. Is she a psychologist? Has she studied victims of pathologicals? No - she's just heaping more abuse on you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

Often my children play games on line (Xbox 360) and whenever a new person joins the game they all cry “oh what a “newbe”! I asked my children why they call these players’ newbes and they explain to me “Dad, they just don’t get it or know how to play right”. So whenever jessika I tried to explain what’s it like being involved with someone who has pathological traits others just don’t get it! Oh, what newbes these people are is what I now tell myself. Unless you get involved with someone that suffers from a cluster b disorder it almost impossible to explain the emotional destruction and chaos these people can cause someone in a very short time period. It doesn’t matter if you are with this person for 2 months or 2 years because the outcome is always the same. We are left stressed out! We are left feeling emotionally drained. We are left with no closure! We are left with more questions then answers! And we are also left abused emotionally psychologically and sometimes physically. Newbes just don’t get it and for some reason don't understand the pathological disorder person anymore then we did before we met ours. I still try from time to time to explain this pathological nature to “Newbes” but I don’t put a lot of effort into it like I did in the beginning for what I now understand more is really what is important to me and what I understand about it! But also with the same train of thought, I also hope they stay Newbes and never meet one of these people themselves. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

Girl, I totally understand! I am sorry you've been invalidated this way...it does feel abusive when it's happening, doesn't it? I have a close relative that has done this, one of only a couple of people who know that my ex was an N. Just the other day, she was doing it again. She has this new-age attitude that we are what we put out to the universe, basically. This only serves to make it feel like it's my fault this bad thing happened to me. Also, she knows some of my avenues of support are via forums, blogs, websites,etc... She actually said, "Doesn't it just keep you in that "MODE" (whatever that means), when you're around it, and always talking about it?? She thinks it's BAD for me to come on here and keep talking discussing the issue. That just was a huge slap in the face! I told her that doing these things has actually KEPT me from going back to my exN. She was just like...hmmm, okay...? She didn't get it. And the reality is, virtually nobody does, unless they are an incredibly compassionate person, or have been through it. I decided enough is enough, and I won't be mentioning it to her anymore.

So sorry to hear about your sister's reaction. People who have not been involved with a narcissist just don't get it. They never will. That's precisely why I started this on-line support group. Only we know what it's like and only we can relate to each other on this. I wish it were different, but it's not. Your sister is trying in her own strange way to help. Just remember that. She doesn't mean to upset you. She simply doesn't get it. Hang in there and keep talking to us because we get it and we're here for you. Big Hugs, Lisa

Hey Jess, hang in there. That would have upset me too - I have a friend that is like "don't worry about move on he isn't worth it" but has no understanding of the damage they cause. A member on here was saying she was with her N for 6 months and doesn't understand why she feels the way she feels. They are terrible people who really rip us apart and make us doubt ourselves! We are all here for you!

bad relationship? I get that sort of reaction from my friends and family too. It's not a bad relationship-it's worst!having a relationship with a pyschopath or a narcissist is a nightmare!! Unless you have had a relationship with these types of people-it's hard for others to understand or fathom. Take as much time as you need to heal,councilling is good and so is comming here.