2nd day of no contact

I'm a mess, so sad and crying. I was angry for week and I felt strong, now I just so sad. I'm doing replaying situations in head maybe I should have said or done this, maybe he would still be with me. I'm sick in my stomach, because I can hardly believe the lies he told me.
I do want to contact him to tell him I'm sorry for being angry, I even find myself thinking I can be the other woman.] Just all these sick thoughts, who am I? I only smoked some pot in college, he is a full fledged drug addict. I saw him steal articles from stores, I don't never have done anything like that, and when I would address it, he would say You just think you better than me.
And the porn on the computer, craiglist site, tons of porn in the car that I just found out about. He would beg me to go to church with him, and I would go. And he would get prayer for the cancer which he doesn't have. Why would I even want to talk to him? Why do I want him to say he even cared about me? I know if I saw him tonight I would sleep with him, just because that was our one good place, loving and tender in the process, but rarely held me in his arms afterwards. I hurt so bad, I know I'm making the right decision not to be with him or contact him. I read the articles on narc he fits the classic mold, but then I think I saw some compassion. I am just a mess.