27 hrs and 23 minutes NC and I'm now shaking and in panic mode

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Sep 29 - 5PM (Reply to #19)
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Happy 1

Could not have put this better myself. The bit about the house thing rings very true with me. He went through all my cupboards and said you can tell a lot about a person from their cupboards! Admittedly, they are not very tidy - but I will always prefer to spend time with my friends and family than tidy a cupboard. He spent lots of time on his house and it was characterless - that probably says a lot about HIM. But I found myself taking days off work to try and clean up, make meals etc. Your last sentence says it all. Hugs.
Sep 29 - 8PM (Reply to #20)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Alibi 10

You know what's even sadder about this is my house is so spotless when he came over and what does he do? He gets a broom and starts sweeping at nothing. I have cleaned it top to bottom just for him and he will try to find something wrong. He has made comments like I would have to be a lot cleaner if we lived together (that's not gonna happen). He had me doing something for him on his boat a few weeks ago. He had me wipe off a ledge that he had taken a piece of wood off to stain. He looked at what I had done and said 'you know it's not to my standards'. I just said 'it is mine' and left it. I'm so sick of how they will take what we do for them and belittle and turn it around so nothing we do is good enough. I'm very tired of the crap I've been putting up with. Meanwhile, his house is messier than mine and very dusty. I've never said a word about it and don't put him down. I leave all that for him!
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Oh. My. GOD!!

This is what your weekends with him are like????? It is all I can do to not get up and kick something on your behalf!! Happy . . . what you are describing is HUMILIATING honey!! OMG. And you are going to great lengths to be humiliated, you are craving this humiliation?? Because it has a few moments of relief. I ordered a pizza the other night. My dog has manners, but he STARES at me when I eat and sometimes I can't handle it. So I took the pizza and went in my bedroom so I wouldn't have to deal with his face staring at me. I felt guilty (never said I wasn't co-dependent) and after I had my slices, I gave my dog the crusts. He was SO happy to get my crusts. He acted like I just set the pizza down in front of him and poured him a bowl of beer and said "It's all yours, buddy!" That's what you sound like with this "man". You are abasing yourself! He's not so much humiliating you . . . YOU are humiliating yourself by participating in this. Just to get a few scraps :( . That is so sad. You are SO much more than this. It's your inner belief that you are NOT worth more that is the problem here. Otherwise you'd have kicked this moron to the curb a long time ago, Happy! The problem ends up always lying within us. In the final analysis, it isn't really the Narc after all. It's that we are happy and grateful for SCRAPS, when we are perfectly deserving of more :( Hang in there girl. Think about what I'm saying. I've been that grateful scrap begging girl too, and there is a much better life after this, I promise you.
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you Briseis!

I know I have very little faith in myself anymore and I guess I do feel this is all I can get. But I guess I'm tired of the scraps he's been giving me. I'm tired of him showing me absolutely no respect at all. He will write his ex girlfriend in another State and tell her all of his problems and talk about what is happening in his life and he will discuss nothing with me. I mean NOTHING! I am not happy and I don't see anything that he is proving me. He gives me no love or support. He knows absolutely nothing in my life and doesn't ask. He just plain doesn't care. He truly only cares about himself and his drama has been my constant worry and drama. I'm sick of it!! I love your pizza story with your dog. Your dog is more caring and happy than my N. Sad but true! Thanks B! I hope I can get through this panic I'm feeling right now. I can't concentrate or really sit still right now.
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
shortway
shortway's picture

"I've been that grateful

"I've been that grateful scrap begging girl too, and there is a much better life after this, I promise you" OMG good analysis..We are waiting for the scraps!!!!sooo true!
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

shortway

Maybe the scraps will be good enough for someone else now. I'm getting very tired of them myself. It's all very tiring and unbelievable.
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
shortway
shortway's picture

Yepp..you will get

Yepp..you will get tired...read my story under shortways story and you will see what i had to go through..mayb you can give me some words...nooone has commented yet....Yes don't get sucked back in..I only had to because I was being nice to him and he was eating me alive!!!!..SO I had to do it for myself..My analysis was like a boxing match..when he just beat me down,then all of a sudden he turned around and I got up stumbling and delivered a KO..This may not be good for others to do,but it helped me sooo much..I finally told him how it was!!..Now I can stand on my feet,got my power back,self-esteem..I'm not desperate anymore..I can see their conversations on FB..because he is now in a relationship with the person he cheated on me with..and he is starting his sick games with her..i saw he wrote something like"you'll never listen to me"...and is already starting his controlling behavior because she is going to mexico...They've only been seeing each other for 3 weeks..She can have fun with that!!! You and I are freeeee!!!!!!
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

shortway,

I will definitely read your story. I completely can relate to what you just said he wrote to his gilfriend... 'you'll never listen to me'. Mine says all the time that I'm a child and don't listen to him. WTF are they??? I'm very tired of this crap and they can think it's as normal as they want. It's not for me.
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
shortway
shortway's picture

They are beyond

They are beyond children..They are dysfunctional...I am starting to think that mine since he had a pill problem with his bad back,that this is the first time he has been off them,that I am actually seeing his REAL self..and tht he is very very messed up...he's been hiding under the pills..He is a toxic,saddistic,terrible person..You have no idea the words he used..i would never repeat them..He said one of the things he liked me for in the beginning was because I don't put up w/crap..yeah well thats right!!..He is now 31 dating a 23 yr old ..shows his maturity level..these men are children not us,they are sick in many ways..we got caught up in their wrath..you are detoxing from it as well as i am...we will be clean of it soon:)
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #17)
Sherbear
Sherbear's picture

Shortway

Mine had a pill addiction as well and detoxed when I was with him....he also he was an alcoholic and wanted to be sober but that didn't last...I think he is clean of the pills ( he is a single parent with 3 kids now) but I know he is drinking again. But yes, I am seeing his true self....very evil way of thinking, very dark, always had problems....just drama....that's all he creates and then portrays an image that he is trying to be a good dad and christian and single parent and woe is me and he is a victim and blah and blah and blah..... just over it. Mine was never verbally abusive jsut emotionally, by disappearring and never following thru with anything.....he only spit the psycho word at me when I blocked him on FB. But one time is enough, I know is a liar and cheater and user and blood sucking ameoba....he won't change. And he is already pulling the same crap with his ow.....she is obviously goo goo ga ga over him and he says they are just friends and she is cool that they don't have a relationship, because of where he is in his life....that is sooo disturbing to me.....she is headed for the same heartbreak. She is obviously hooked and he is choosing to see what he wants to see, a friendship, and already doesn't give a shit that she is obviously in love with him.... ugh....disgusting.... Gonna go read your story.....stay strong.
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

shortway

I'm hoping that we detox quickly knowing what they are and how bad they are. I think mine has been taking bi-polar meds. I have spoken to his ex-wife about it and she said he was bi-polar and an N. She said she wish he would stay on his meds. She also said she thinks I'm good for him. This may be true but HE is NOT NOT NOT good for me. His self centered ego has been very draining of me. He has no clue what I'm ever thinking or what is going on in my life. I'm hoping my job on Monday is a true distraction for this horrible time. That yours is dating a 23 year old when he is 31 says a lot. I can totally see mine doing that. Mine is 40 and thinks he's 20. He thinks he looks 20 also! Sick men!!
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
shortway
shortway's picture

I"m detoxed I think..I'm at

I"m detoxed I think..I'm at the point I don't want to know what he is doing..I asked my friend to change the FB passwords,I sent him those emails..The girl he is seeing is going away for a week,and he will sit there alone..I hope he suffers..I honestly do..I hope he suffers with the picture of the guy I am seeing..This isn't out of immaturity..this is out of the fact that he made me suffer so much..can you imagine being cheated on,almost walking in on it,and then the person ripping you up on top of that pain..all when I had to meet my new bosses in europe for a new job..I looked in the mirror and I saw a different person..I saw this woman on oprah who was emotionally beaten down by a man...I don't see her anymore when I look in the mirror!!!!..I am back..:)..
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Good for you shortway! I

Good for you shortway! I hear you on the cheating and you are lucky to be done. Your N deserves to be treated like sh-t and I hope his new girlfriends dumps him which would be great! That she's going to Mexico will upset him a lot and he will punish her. ...let's see... he will probably cheat on HER. It's a sick cycle and they are children!
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #14)
shortway
shortway's picture

Oh yes happy..this is his

Oh yes happy..this is his biggest fear..He HATES when I went away..I went to a casino with my sister one night when I let him live at my house an I texted him and asked what he was doing..he said he "was out"..i called my mother and she said"he is upstairs..Just trying to ruin my time,mess with me..Then I went to vegas and we weren't eveen together,he posted stuff on facebook making fun of my pictures and the fact I had time to be on facebook..because he said"you must not be having fun..So yes, this is his biggest nightmare..her away..Enjoy it N..Sit,stew,suffer!
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #15)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

shortway! That's very true!

shortway! That's very true! They want complete control of us and don't have it when we go away with girlfriends. I remember mine dumped me for another woman for 3 months when I went on a cruise with a girlfriend. They SUCK!!
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #16)
shortway
shortway's picture

He did?omg sometimes I think

He did?omg sometimes I think we all dated the same guy on here...lol...Like clearly mine can't be THAT hurt a girl he's only known for 3 weeks is going away..it's not even possible.control control control
Sep 29 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
shortway
shortway's picture

I"m here with you now,,only

I"m here with you now,,only a step further along..The only thing that helped me was taking back control..He used all sort of tactics with me and won..But he got me when I was already down,when he cheated..So on top of that I had to hear put-downs...But like I said in my post..When they least expect it slam him with"I am not here anymore,I am not your friend,we are done."etc..I really think this helps..Before going NC..Because you are getting your power back before NC..That's been my saving grace..Now I"m feeling better.I can get through the day...he has had all sorts of things to say to me during this,but after that..it was the first time he didn't have anything to say..Own your power...:)
Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

shortway

I hear you and I am not sure about saying anything at all to him. I'm just content being silent right now. I know I get sucked back in when we communicate. I have a lot of things I want to say to him and he's cheated on me more than once. I currently think he's screwing around on me with someone in his office. He cannot be trusted and I will never ever trust him. What kind of relationship is that anyway? He's a huge man horror. He's not even that good looking but he sure thinks he is. I wish I could just keep my anger towards him!!