22 Days NC... Personal Record Broken!!! Anxious Today, very anxious (WTF)

14 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jun 11 - 1PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

22 Days NC... Personal Record Broken!!! Anxious Today, very anxious (WTF)

Hi dear forum friends...
As those of you who have been here awhile know, I have been trying to extricate myself from this relationship for over a year. I have gone back and back for more of hte same for what seems forever with this man. I have finally licked the bottom of the proverbial barrel and decided to finally, finally stick with NC. It really is the only way.
I will not deny I have wanted to call him on no fewer that one million occasions over the past three weeks. But... my desire to break away from the sick cycle we've spun in for 4 crazy years.
All I have to do is think about being snuggled up together on that fateful Sunday morning knowing he was sumultaneously recieving texts about dinner that night with another woman who was texting "I wish I were waking up to your kisses..."
NEVER AGAIN will I allow myself to be in that situation with THAT MAN!!! Nobody gets to break my heart the way he did. Shame on me for KNOWING what he is and continuing to go back with hope that he would somehow be different.
He is a coward and a pig and will do this again and again and again and again....
When I feel weak and miss him, I pull out the list of really crummy things he has done over the years and find another burst of strength to push through.
The list (just want to type it out...)

- The Lies
- The hurtful criticisms and lack of compliments
- Other Women - Always other women
- Anger, Rage, Devalue
- Telling me HOW to Respond and talk to him (you should just say it this way....) Or as he'd say, Just act like dream girl...
- NEVER introduced me to his daughters (ever)
- Silent Treatment
- Going Dark (Whenever he took his f'ed up solo trips to France, or rode his bike 100's of miles, etc.) he would be out of touch for days at a time.
- Lies, lies, lies, lies,
- Brags, brag, name drops, social climber
- ALL ABOUT HIM... ALWAYS........
- Criticized beautiful gifts I've given him.
- Withheld sex and affection
- Multiple Personalities... Never knew what I'd get.
- Unwilling to make any kind of commitment to our future.

The list goes on an on and on... I lost touch with the strong, fun, funny person I am while consumed with this IDIOT...

He really does have an evil soul. He derives pleasure by inflicting pain onto others.

I want time to pass so this feeling can be exorcized from my soul.

Tough day... This too shall pass..
xoxo
FreeMe

Jun 11 - 2PM
Learningthehardway
Learningthehardway's picture

You're not licking the bottom of the barrel.....

Jun 11 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
FreeMe (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LTH... Thank you-

Jun 11 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
Learningthehardway
Learningthehardway's picture

DITTTTOOO

Jun 11 - 2PM
Laci423
Laci423's picture

FreeMe

Jun 11 - 2PM
lettinggoNP44
lettinggoNP44's picture

It started with one day at a time...

Jun 11 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
FreeMe (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Awww... Thank you lettinggoNP44

Jun 11 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Outstanding letting go, and Free,

spinning

Jun 11 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
FreeMe (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

(not)Spinning...

Jun 11 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Learningthehardway
Learningthehardway's picture

I need to meet that woman!!!!

Jun 11 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
spinning
spinning's picture

I know, LL, pretend

spinning

Jun 11 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Learningthehardway
Learningthehardway's picture

question.

Jun 12 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
ItsFinallytime
ItsFinallytime's picture

LTHW, you saiid that he has

Jun 13 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Janie53
Janie53's picture

Itsfinallytime