I need some like minded re-enforcements here...

Hi you all...
I first wanted to say that this forum has been intrinsic to my healing from my ex husband Narc. I joined over four years ago, but have been viewing for longer than that. I have been doing very well as a result of the knowledge I have gleaned from here. In 2006, the ex husband left me and my children, but it has only been the last four+ years that I truly healed from it. Before that, I would say, the first four and a half years, it was all me questioning what I did, and why I wasn't good enough and maybe I was crazy etc. Now I know better. Well, 90 percent of the time. As a result of this forum, I got counseling and realized through that, I suffered from PTSD from the time I was with the Narc and also from early childhood trauma. Counseling, and this forum has really made a difference and I am so thankful. Every now and again, I drop in when I am feeling, you know...maybe a pang to be drawn in? This time it is a result of NEEDING child support from the Narc...which now he owes 60,000. Many times he has been extradited back to the state (4 times), put in jail, and probation, only to run away from his obligations. Child support services are really no help anymore...they must not know how to investigate like us people that have been with the Narcs do? Anyway, with bits and pieces of info I had gleaned from the DA, I know now he is not with the woman he was with right after he left me. That relationship (marriage?) made twins that got taken into protective custody. Now he is with a 51 year old woman (divorced 2 or 3 times previously, and 14 years senior to the narc). I am not sure if they are married, or not, I don't care...he mentioned her as his wife last time he was extradited where we were facing the judge regarding our support case, but he is liar, so not real sure. Anyway, that last time he was extradited, and in jail 2 years ago this summer, he was released early, and one night late, he came knocking at my door, drunk, first demanding why I "throw him under the bus in court and ruin his life by constantly having him thrown in jail." Then in the next sentence saying how "he loved me, and always loved me and wants me and his children back" etc. in a drunken stupor. Hmmm, hadn't seen or heard from him in 6 years and now he is saying this? When I told him I wanted him to leave my property, he then turned quickly and said, "I never loved you, you are crazy etc" Then he noticed me shaking and said, "why you shakin'? I may have hurt you a few times but you don't have to be scared of me." Then he went on to say how he only cheated on me one time...yeah, right...that's the only one he admitted to. Anyway, my son who was 13 at the time was smart enough to call someone to have him escorted off my property...which finally he left with quite a fuss. A day later, I got some nasty emails from his woman who found me through my linked in account. I will have to include them in this thread. So, fast forwarding to two years later, now...I will often check here and there for updates on my child support case, for I have learned if I don't keep on them, that because there are so many cases, mine will slip through the cracks if I don't keep up on it and brought to the caseworkers attention. Most recently since the Ex is back in California, my state has gone in cahoots with California to locate him and what they say is that they can't locate him to get support from him, that he is probably homeless and not working and trying for disability! Ok, hmmm, I doubt that. So I take a look see at his older lady's fb page and notice a link to a "grand opening" of a BMW, Mercedes auto repair shop. I click on it and I just know in my heart that she has fronted the money and put the shop in her name and he is the mechanic, (for that is his profession) so that he won't be garnished for child support. He basically is bringing money into the shop for her by working under the table! GRRRRRR. I decide to call (blocking my number) asking about services and prices and sure enough, it is her that answers and when I ask about the mechanics she mentions the Narc by name stating that he is "THE MASTER, a master mechanic, certified (he never got certified when we were married yet lied that he was) and that he works on ALL THE MERCEDES' AND BMW's that they drive!" Ugggggg, must be so nice, living the jet settin' life in your flippin' luxury cars while I work 138889999 hours just trying to make ends meet! I am just fuming mad. I pass the info on to the DA hoping that they can sneak and catch him and maybe get me some much needed money.

So now is where a tad of the old me comes in...why the hell would some older woman want to be with a deadbeat like that? Especially when I am sure she was once in a position of needing child support? Do you all think he is being faithful and a great mate to her? My logical self with all the training and counseling is saying...she is liking that a younger guy wants to be with her, a self esteem boost, yet he is just using her for her money, credit and a place to stay. Reinforce this in my brain...I don't want to slip right back that slippery slope, I worked too hard. It isn't a desperate feeling I am having regarding the above question...just kind of floating in my head.

Here are the crazy emails she sent me a few years back...
_____,

So sorry for you! You seem to be surrounding your life and bringing your self down by basing everything around making sure ____ is in JAIL. That does not get anything resolved...do you not realize that! It only makes everything for everyone worse. Duh... Find someone who cares about you and you can live your life and move on...
I think it is completely inappropriate to contact uninvolved family members and friends via Facebook and Linkedln for your own personal benefit, but we all have different values.

Every parent deserves child support, including you, but you are a very over the top mental case.
If you ever contact any one in my family again I will file harassment charges on you.
Do your self , and especially the kids a favor! Un BITTER YOURSELF

My response:
I apologize for contacting your daughter regarding ____. I am not bitter toward ____, nor do I have any feelings of ill will toward him. I did not have him thrown in jail. He did this to himself. You do not know my situation regarding him, me, nor our children. I did what any mother would do and filed to have child support enforced. The state did the rest. Any effort I had made to get a hold of ____ through people was in hopes of getting that support without having to involve the State. Again, I apologize for contacting your daughter, but threatening to file harassment charges is a little of an extreme threat, given the fact that facebook is a public social networking site and I have the right to message anyone I choose. I do not plan on contacting your daughter again and she is free to block me if she feels in anyway uncomfortable. Regarding LinkedIn--it was you who looked at my profile, I was just contacting you. Again, you have absolutely no clue of what my life was like with ____, but obviously seeing that he has never made an effort to OFFER to provide for his biological children without having to be garnished from the state of Oregon, might just give you a clue into his true nature and character. Also not knowing me and who I am, doesn't qualify one to put me into the category of Mental Case.

Hers: With your background of hunting and pecking (contacting family members and friends on facebook; including (narc's mom's) friends) pretty sure that is inaccurate info that I viewed you first, because I simply don't care, and not to mention I will not accept you as a contact... sorry you had such a bad relationship, but that is not the case here. So mind your own f....ing business, don't ever contact anyone in my family again, respectfully! That is completely inappropriate to contact my daughter..be an adult.

Not saying I condone everything , but you seem to be a very obsessive person regarding Mike. I'm sorry he is not involved in the boy's lives, maybe a reason for that!

My response:
Wow. Obviously you still don't know anything about my situation with ____, though you claim that you do. The only people who I had ever contacted that were friends of (Narc's mom) was _____, and since I was married to ____ for nine years, she was a friend of mine too and she reached out to me as well. That was years ago, anyway. The only thing I am interested in regarding ____ is child support. The District Attorney keeps me informed regarding ____ status and the status of our case. He was the one who mentioned your name with an arrest last year in Coos Bay suggesting I try to contact ____ as well to see if I may try to get ____ to give some support voluntarily. I googled your name and something popped up, and it wasn't linked in. Possibly an affiliate site? Really, that doesn't matter.
But just to let you know he had some interesting things to say last night when he dropped by my house at 1145pm, drunk, and insisting we talk. I Unfortunately, I had to have someone escort him to leave, though he didn't want to. If I were as "obsessed" with ____, I can assure I wouldn't have insisted he leave... Quite possibly, "obsessed" with what ____ did to me and my children and why or how he could do these things to a woman he professed his undying love to a million times--would be appropriate 5,6,7 years ago, but not now.
Currently you are in a position of defending ____, enabling him, believing his manipulating and crazy making lies and words, just like I, and probably Amy were. Even the District Attorney, his probation officers, and various mental health professionals from the many rehabs ____ has been to, can call a spade a spade. They all warned me, but I chose not to believe them, regarding his manipulative, narcissistic personality. Still, I wish ____ and you, his older woman, much happiness for your futures together. ...and if you just opened a LinkedIn, how can I have been the first person that viewed it? I logged onto my account just tonight, saw a flag that people viewed my account. One being you, two weeks ago. I connected only because of that fact. It's no skin off my back if you don't connect with me.

Hers:You are a very obsessed woman, don't ever contact me or my family again. And just to let you know (Narc's mother) told me a lot about YOU! Stay out of my family's lives. **Note, Narc's family has not sent any cards, letters, notes, gifts etc, since Narc left 9 years ago, and they are well-to-do.

My response:Again, you don't even know me or my situation to make the that judgement call. (Narc's mother) doesn't even know me enough to make that call. She and you only know half truths, missing information, twisted stories to make ____ look the victim, and lies in regards to me that he has told you and her both. (Narc's mom) has had absolutely nothing to do with her grandchildren since ____ left us seven years ago. She and you have no idea what went on under my roof with ____ or in our marriage save for the crazy lies he told her to bail him out of his consequences and cause him to look the victim. In no way am I obsessed with ____, just getting the much deserved support for his biological children that are a result of our marriage. At one point I very nicely kept the door open for (Narc's parents) to have some sort of relationship with their grandchildren, sending updates and pictures. But obviously they aren't interested and that's alright...again, that is a testament to their true character along with the type of son they raised.
You can call me all the names you want, so can ____ and his family. But as these two amazing boys grow up to be outstanding men of character, not one of them can take any credit for that. That accomplishment alone will rebut any ideas you all formed or labels erroneously placed upon me by you all.
As far as staying out of your lives, it is my pleasure. I want no part of it--and replying to your emails to defend myself is not obsession. Rest assured though, I will still seek out the child support for my children from ____. It doesn't have to be that hard. All he has to do is pay if.

Hers:You are crazy, and ya you are right they don't want to.....STFU You are such a liar YDB I would never look for you anywhere. Leave me alone forever YSB.

Any responses to my thread would be so much appreciated. Sorry it was so long! ~JJ