Greetings from 3.5 years NC; Engaged & Healthier than ever

Hello fellow survivors of narcs; i havent stopped by in a while as healing is still a 24/7 process that keeps u busy & focused but I hope to bring some inspiration to those struggling. I still owe everything to Lisa Scott & the mods here & will never forget them. Going NC in a world that caters to these personas & also claims we "forgive" everyone & accept their abuse.. Which is, as u learn here, the exact opposite of what u should be doing.

I have to say being w the N feels foriegn to me now. It feels like another life or a different person, i can hardly remember who thay girl was when i was with him. I feel like ive grown x a billion since then. Post N, i had a car accident, went NC w my mom, and had to move (the 8th time in 8 years) to say i was experience PTSD is an understatement. It was rough. Nightmares, angry outbursts, loss of friends (my choice). I have been lucky. God blessed me w a non-narc who was a crying shoulder for me post breakup. Altho they recommend on here to wait 2 yrs, for me it just didnt work like that. He has been extemely supportive & gentle w me while I was experiencing these symptoms. At times, i was as abusive as the N towards him, but it was out of my control. We got through it and are getting married in August.

When i was still w N, a psychic had told me i would have to chpose btw 2 men (N and current) and to go w the latter, that i would have a long married & 2 kids. So i feel like my fiance was my fate & did help save my life.

with PTSD came an eyes-wide-open approach to all the suffering in the world. At times, it was too much. I didnt care to hear my gf stress about her wedding -- all i could think about was how small our problems were compared to other people in the world. Most people dont think like that in this country. With this deep empathy came immense gratitude for my own life, and problems, and blessings. As angry as I was with so many people, humility came over me and eased it as time went on.

I was NC w my mom for over a year. I called her when I got engaged and she said "um, u know my birthday was yesterday right?". Typical Narc response. But the most amazing thing happened, i wasnt mad. Or shocked. I was reminded of how immensely disordered she is. And always has been. Only now i know why & have a name to put to it. I prefer to be LC w my mother. Although she has caused me pain, she lives in another state and I have come to terms w the fact that i love her. Maybe i shouldnt, maybe its the little girl inside of me, but i do. I cant stand her most the time but I am able to toletate her when needed. This is a personal choice & works for me. Not for everyone. If she acts up, i now confidently say "mom im gonna go now, ill call u another time". Boundaries are up.

With men and friends i have no tolerance for narcs. I have ax'ed every single one of them out of my life. Its enough to deal w/ my mother, i will not willingly engage w N people. I still avoid them like the plague, but no longer feel the need to explain why.

With this empathy & gratitude came a whole other lifestyle change as well. Last year, after exposing myself to some Netflix documentaties, i became vegetarian & eventually went full vegan. I have never felt better.

Along with PTSD came whats called Adrenal Fatigue, and i developed severe allergies for the first time in my life. My body was on fight or flight, inflammation overload. I was a mess. Acne, weight gain, runny nose. I was exhausted. For the past 2 years ive been getting my health in order. I do weekly yoga, drink green smoothies everyday, and eat only whole foods. This summer I want to grow my garden w fruits & veggies to save some $$.

Again, i know this wont be everyones story. WE ARE ALL ON OUR OWN JOURNEY. we all accept things & move on at different paces. If this post can help one person only, or inspire one, mission accomplished. I remember starting this journey -- starting w this site -- and it was the best thing i EVER did. I couldnt have done it without the amazing, smart, strong women on here.

Forever grateful.
XxXx brinamarie