During the earliest parts of our relationship I loved you with my whole heart, body, and soul. I had been emotionally closed off to my ex-fiance, who came before you. I was still carrying scars from a previous relationship in which I was cheated on for many years. I deeply regret holding these feelings back from my ex-fiance. For you, there was none of that. I remember the day I packed up the ring, and sent it back to him. The day I let go of my pain, my scars, the day I decided that you were the one for me, and chose not to let my past hold me back any longer. You had me, all of me. It felt amazing.
How stupid I feel to realize it was all a farce. That my heart and soul had opened up to a ghost. How stupid I feel to realize that the moment I opened my heart up to you fully and completely, you plunged a knife right in, and twisted, and pulled, then convinced me that I was stabbing myself. I am so angry at myself for allowing the abuse to go on for so long. I am furious at you for being so horrible, for denying the abuse, for your fake tears, for apologizing yet continuing to pour salt into my wounds.
I want to know the truth. I want to know the full depth of your deception. Do you have any awareness of your abusive behavior? Do you really find a way to justify the cheating? The horrible insults, the screaming? The yelling? The pressuring me to have sex with you when I was sick or had a migraine, and using the bible to try and convince me it was my duty? Sick.
I still want to open your eyes. I still want you to admit you have NPD. I want you to get better, if not for me, then for the next woman you pursue. I am worried for your future girlfriends. I wish I could warn them all. But, in the end, I am broken, I am lost. You are who you are. I miss who I was before I met you. My light has been extinguished, my laughter silenced, my hope for the future jaded...crumbling. I let you in, and now I'm choosing to let you go.
I want to move on, to leave you behind, to learn, to love, and to laugh again. I pray for your healing, I pray for mine. Never again will you, or anyone like you be a part of my life.