Thinking about Hope

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#1 Nov 8 - 9PM
aurora
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Thinking about Hope

Hi everyone

over the last week or so Ive been thinking a lot about hope.
More importantly I have been FEELING hope.
Nothing major, just a gentle shift in the way hope has started to manifest itself back into my life.
Where I live spring has sprung and there is much joy in seeing all the hard work I put in over the tireless hours of autumn and winter finally come into bloom.
Its also helped me to realise the changes I have made within myself - and whilst none of them have been easy, its been really satisfying to look back over the time since I found this site and how it helped me reframe my experience and change some of my faulty thinking habits and ways of being in the world.
Ive started to see beauty again where before everything was fear and negativity and ugliness. But Ive also started to become so much more emotionally aware of the dangers we all face with narcs in the world, and how important it is to truly 'know thyself' and develop the emotional armour required to deflect the attacks of those who wish to steal our light, our love, our experience of the world and the many blessings of being human. For me that 'chink' from my family history was a desperate need to 'be seen' by those who mattered to me. It made me so vulnerable to attack because of that small child within who just wanted to be loved and cherished and recognised purely in their own right for being who they were. That turned into a great big open wound, which meant I may as well of been walking around with a big sign on my forehead saying 'hey - use me, I need to feel needed and loved just to feel worthy - doesn't matter how crappy you treat me'. Im still working through this stuff, but things seem much lighter and I can laugh and join in with life again, rather than just be an observer on autopilot behind the glass window, wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
Im not saying my life is perfect - I still have days where I sit in front of the television with a massive tub of icecream feeling sorry for myself. I HATE the way narcs impact on people's lives and the damage they do, but Ive become so much more positive about the strength of the human spirit and resilience and ability to heal we can all have from this dreadful disease we are surrounded by. I wont ever 'feel sorry' for the narc that crossed my path, but I have started to think how truly empty and colourless their pathetic little lives are. Without a real sense of themselves, without true friends, the experience of unconditional love and the humanity of authentic feelings (both the nice ones and the not so nice ones), it must be a dull experience - which is why they pick on us, to try and suck us dry of our humanity.
In the country I live in, a recent massive social media campaign was started to cancel the visa of a visiting 'dating tips expert' - the ones Lisa mentions on this site - that teach men a whole range of misogynistic and dehumanising ways to pick up women. Thankfully our Immigration Minister cancelled this idiots visa and he went scurrying back to whatever country he came from. Small steps, but the start of a bigger recognition that these methods are harmful to both women and men, and wont be tolerated.
Anyhow, I just wanted to stop by and say hi and thank you all once again for being so supportive.

Nov 8 - 11PM
ambrandon7
ambrandon7's picture

Thank you for your

Nov 10 - 4AM (Reply to #2)
aurora
aurora's picture

Ambrandon Its a long journey