In a relationship with an NPD fiancé...

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#1 Nov 3 - 10PM
Vivi
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In a relationship with an NPD fiancé...

Hello,
Here is my story. I have been for almost 8 years in a serious relationship with this man who, I realized this week-end, is afflicted with NPD. My story is so typical after reading many stories similar to mine, that I feel a sense of shame for not having had the clearness of mind to realize this sooner.
It was love at first sight, I was in my mid- 40's, recently divorced from a man who also suffered from a milder version of NPD, more of a "selfish jerk" really! I also had full custody of my teenage son.
B. was attractive, intelligent, charming and financially successful. We had a 3 months of passionate relationship when I started to sense that something was amiss. Turns out that he was still seing is ex-girlfriend. We broke up, he put the blame on me even though he was the one who lied. I was devastated but moved on. Well, he pursued me for 2 years, even when I was with somebody else, he ended up being "best friend" with him. I noticed as a friend that he had a growing drinking problem. It is a touchy subject for me, because a few years before I had lost my 40 years old brother to alcoholism. So I felt sorry for B., saw him struggling with his sadness over his previous divorce ( with of course a lot of manipulation from his part) and probably had the sense somehow that I could rescue him.
As soon as I became very vulnerable ( lost my job and broke up with my boyfriend) we ended up together again, this time for good! I had never stopped loving him, so I just gave him another chance. He had 3 teenagers and they needed stability and I had my son.
Ensue the most traumatic and stressful 4 years of my life ( and my life had been full stressful before him)! To make a long story short, both my parents ended up being diagnosted and dying from terrible disease, and they lived in Europe, we had 4 teenagers at home, I started a business, we moved 3 times, meanwhile B. was doing COKE!!. I should have seen the signs, but I could not fathom that a man in his 50's could be using this drug.I was engaged to an addict.I Went to alanon meetings, therapy... He ended up going to rehab, relapsing, being arrested, drinking more...ect then he had a heart attack. He is now off the coke, just finally quit drinking, I had put all our hardship on the count of his addiction problems but now our relationship his deteriorating at great speed.
To begin with, after catching my breath, I am coming to the realization that I feel used, I am now completly financially dep :upsidedown:endant on him (so is my college son), everything resolves around him and he is either in a state of rage or depression, blaming everybody else for his failures, nothing brings on more his rage than when he sees I am unhappy. He stills puts me on a pedestal but has zero interest in my feelings.
I still love him, feel compassion for him but I feel like I am loosing my ability to be '"happy", and I have been blessed with a very positive personality, but I feel crushed and trapped.
So here is the "precipice", I feel like leaving him is probably the best solution for my sanity except I am exhausted and have absolutly zero resources to take care of myself and my sonfinancially . He has verbally, and a few times physically ,abused me and treats me like an object.
I am not sure where to begin my "recovery " journey. Maybe this is a first step. Thanks for listening.

Nov 4 - 10AM
Viola22
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Dear Vivi

Nov 4 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
Vivi
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Legal advice?

Nov 4 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Viola22
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I meant in terms of

Nov 4 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
Vivi
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Thanks

Nov 5 - 3AM (Reply to #5)
Viola22
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Just look under Share your story