Thank you for your goodbye letter. I appreciate you taking the time and trouble to write it. What I'm going to do in the following lines is the opposite of my usual behaviour:
Here is what I will not do:
- I will not cajole you into taking me back
- I will not beg for your forgiveness so I can behave badly one more time
- I will not blame you for any failure in our relationship
- I will not fight you to try and have the last word
Today I will just write to let you go. You have seen through me and I respect you for it (although I'm not sure what respect really means…). True, others have done so before but they didn't always act upon it. You are clear-sighted and brave and have decided to cut all ties.
I understand that breaking loose must be difficult, not because I am such an amazing person (deep down, I'm really quite pathetic) but because you had invested a lot in me, and had high hopes for our connection. You thought I could provide you with love, romance, friendship, enthusiasm, and all manner of things. You thought I could enliven so many aspects of your life. I'm sorry, Viola, I cannot provide any of this. What I need is for people to provide for me. I feed on other people's energies and suck them dry. You don't know me very well – perhaps that is a good thing. I drain people of their resources. All the women I've been together with have become empty shells. You are lucky you didn't get close to me for more than a few days. You never saw my fits of rage, my outbursts of jealousy, my hatred for so many people. You have never seen me do worse than smile hypocritically at someone, yet I am full of spite against humankind, I am not the positive person I seem to project. And worst of all, despite all my achievements, I do not believe in myself: I need constant validation from the outside. It is a sickness – one that cannot be cured.
Trust me, you are better off without me. You are lucky: you are talented, intelligent and thoughtful, you have a lot of inner strengths. You will probably develop in a lot of exciting ways. You will be happy and fulfilled and you will forget all about me. I on the other hand will be stuck in my web of lies and deception, my endless vortex of seduction and rejection. It sucks to be me.
Take care (I mean it),