GiveMeWings - My Story

Hi Everybody, I found this website after doing some research trying to find out where my once perfect relationship (or so I thought) went wrong. It has been a lifesaver. I am 10 days NC and it feels like an eternity.
Here is my story.

I met Narc on a dating website. I have a terrible history of dating men that don’t treat me very well and I was conscious of not making the same mistake again. He seemed really nice and genuine, easy to talk to and I have to say the fact that he was a Police Officer attracted me also. Sparks didn’t fly on the first date for me but I did like him and thought I am going to give this a go as he seems different. Although he had lied on his profile and said that he didn’t have kids when he actually had two.
He was really full-on form the beginning, wanting to see me everyday and texting me all the time. I enjoyed hanging out with him. The first couple of weeks were fantastic apart from his overwhelming attention which I really wasn’t used to. He treated me like a princess. Said all the things I have read on here ’I have never met anyone like you’, ‘I can’t believe I met my soul mate on a dating website’ ‘I can’t wait until we start a family’ ‘I am so in love with you’. He then started to pressure and I mean really pressure me to do things sexually that I didn’t want to do. I told him in time, if I fell in love with him, I would. He kept pressuring me so after he stood me up to spend time with his ex wife I said it wasn’t working. (He has been married and divorced twice).

I should have walked away and not looked back then!

A week went by in which I saw a new dating profile he had created online where he said he was 35 rather than the 39 that he really was, I thought what a jerk and I told him so. This contact led us to getting back together.

What was I thinking!

When things were good, they were really, really good. However I had to stop being friends with my guy friends and delete my ex’s from Facebook. He would get really cold and un-emotional by any mention of my past. He would blow hot and cold and say things like ‘I’m just not feeling it at the moment’ and want some space even though the night before he was declaring his undying love for me. I loved him so much, I really enjoyed his company, I loved the thoughtful things he did for me so every time we would have an ‘episode’ I would fight really hard for the relationship

He was really black and white, there was no grey, his way was always the right way. He would sometimes explode over the smallest things. He hit his children and spoke to them terribly. I had always wanted to have children but decided I didn’t want them anymore. I can see now it was because I didn’t want to have them with him. On a couple of occasions he would f*ck up like when I found naked photos of an ex GF on his phone, we would have a fight and I would be the one begging and apologising. But on the other hand he was just so caring loving and thoughtful and looked after me so well.

We had been together on and off for 7 months. We had a really good November and December together with no ‘episodes’ and we were seriously talking about getting engaged. I have never been a jealous person, but for some reason I would occasionally check his phone. I found a fake Facebook account and he was sending messages to lots and lots of girls. I confronted him about it and he just sort of looked at me blankly, he really didn’t have anything to say. I packed all my stuff and left. I tried to call him the next day to talk about things and he wouldn’t answer my calls. I went to his house and he didn’t want to talk about it. I got on my freakin' knees and begged, absolutely begged him not to leave me. As usual he was extremely cold and unemotional and just told me to leave. I wanted to die. What I thought was a perfect man had left me shattered with no explanation.

I am a recovering alcoholic (2.5yrs sober) and I am lucky I have a great sponsor, she helped me to see that I was in a seriously co-dependent relationship and I decided to move one.

Well did the tables turn, he started calling me all the time, crying, telling me we can work it out blah, blah, blah. Yep, you guessed it, I took him back.

Things were ok for a while, I wasn’t madly in love with him like I was before but I wanted to get what we had back. I was trying to reclaim my life a little bit also and started spending time with my friends. He didn’t like this at all. We broke up and got back together a couple of times as he punished me for spending time with my friends.

I found another pic on his phone, I suspect it was a girl he met on a dating website. We broke up again. Over a period of a month I would constantly get parcels at work, things I had left at his house, but no contact from him. The arrival of these parcels would bring me to my knees. I would send him messages saying I missed him and he never responded.

He started dating a 23yr old girl (18 years younger than him). When I found this out it hurt so much I would have anxiety attacks and just want to die but I decided that the relationship was really over and I needed to move on.

I didn’t contact him for 3 weeks and then I get a call at work from him saying he misses me and can we be friends. He was still dating the 23 year old and I said no we can’t be friends. He came over that night to ‘talk’. We got back together, he swept me off my feet, again!

We were together for 3 weeks and they were great, we only had a couple of fights and that was over his jealousy. We were talking about marriage again and he was the loving attentive man I remembered him to be.

I came home from work one day and he told me to sit down, the 23yr old had been around that day to collect some wine glasses (yeah right), they kissed, he had packed all my stuff and he was going back to her.

I wanted to die, he had managed to totally destroy me this time. Words can’t explain how I feel. (I know you ladies understand though). I have lost 5kgs in 2.5 weeks and I can not stop thinking about him, he is what I think about the moment I wake up and the moment I go to sleep. I have started smoking... I have never smoked in my life. The anxiety is unbearable. I am pleased to say I have not picked up a drink though.

He may contact me again, I don’t know. I would love to go back to him, I still love him. I won’t though, not after all I have read on here. They don’t change!

Each day is getting better, I have great friends. I need to break this cycle of abuse though, I need to work out why I keep choosing men like this!