Still so confused

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#1 Sep 3 - 1PM
atlmel
atlmel's picture

Still so confused

I still don't know if he's actually a narc, but viewing the 'relationship' in these terms has helped me.
I first met him at a party I was throwing through a friend of a friend. I didn't talk to him until the end, when we shared stories of studying abroad. I didn't think much of it until he friended me on fb and started messaging me. We contined like that for about a month. Our first date was epic and lasted 12hours; ended with a couple beers. I had never felt so smitten after a first date. It was a complete high. After that we had a few more dates. I noticed a few red flags, but ignored them because he made me feel so great. I recall on the third date he told me that his mother was aweful (giving a very vague reason why) and how he hated his brothers gf (stated one particular instance that deemed fer aweful as well). I thought maybe he was a bit of a chauvanist, but he seemed to respect me, and I liked the fact that he confided in me as well. I felt special. I also started noticing that he didn't have anything nice to say about anyone else but himself; being gracious to our waiter, but the snickering to me that he seemed too "nerdy" to be working there. He gave me superficial compliments, which I ate up due to my low self esteem. He also told me of how he wasn't friends with alot of people from his hometown anymore because he'd moved on (also leaving him isolated while living with his parents).
While we were dating, he was looking for a job. Eventually he found one an hour away. He drunkenly told me that he wouldn't take it unless I would come visit him (a comment that seemed a bit off/ early, but still flattering). I told him I was fine with going with the flow until he moved, when I would need something more serious.
The day before he left, I was sick. He told me he didn't want to be sick his first day. I asked if he wanted to grab a coffee in the morning before leaving, to which he never responded. In the morning I left a message wishing all the best (thinking that was it, he was done with me). He left me a voice mail saying how sorry he was that missed me, and updated me on his day. We continued to text eachother for a month and call on weekends. He would constantly invite me for a visit, but then cancel or not respond to me.
Eventually I did visit. It was a little awkward, and I was very nervous. He is this very charming and go looking guy, while I'm shy and awkward. His friends were very nice to me, but it felt off. He made a comment to his friends about hitting on a girl and being rejected, which he laughed off (I assumed he was talking about an old memory). His roomate was this beautiful friendly girl who was long distance with her own bf while finishing school. He practically ignored me while she was in the room (I assumed I wass sensitive or imagining it). We said our goodbyes, and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks.
I left him a voicemail asking him to call, which he didn't respond. I left him a text asking him what was up, and that if it was over to not let it simply fade out. He responded with a generic message about not being able to do long distance. I thanked him for the message and wished him the best. I didn't hear from him until 2 months later.
Apparently a friend promted him to do it. We had a casual conversation like nothing was wrong. When I asked him why he was in contact with me, he got angry to which I apologised. We talked more. I stated that it hurt that he broke up with me via text. He got angry at me again. I apologised again. We kept talking. He gave me more superficial compliments and told me that he still liked me and that I meant so much to him. We flirted.
I made a remark about the last time we were intimate, and he got angry at me and ignored me. I then went a little crazy, definitely something I'm not proud of, and sent him like 5 messages in a row asking him to forgive me and not hate me. I felt crazy. He messaged me the next night saying his phone died and that he was seeing someone now, and that if I wasn't over it, it wasn't his problem because it was only a month (not true) and he blocked me. That was almost 4 months ago.
I am starting to feel better. I'm now dating a really nice guy. My new relationship did not start out as exciting as my last one. It's a more stable kind of feeling. I see them as completely different types of people. However, I'm still getting bouts of anger and depression. Due to this I am going to therapy. My therapist says to ignore those feelings because they are just an excuse. I agree with her to some extent, but it hasn't done much for healing. No one understands why I still get upset. I don't either. It was only a 3 month relationship (with extended contact). I've been rejected before in longer relationships, and took some time to get over it; but this feels different. It feels like I'll never excape this feel, and am doomed to just deal with it forever. I've done some browsing and thought maybe he has some narcissitic qualities. Or maybe it was just the first time I put myself out there like that. Or maybe I misread the situation. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

Sep 3 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville. If you

Sep 3 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
atlmel
atlmel's picture

Talking to him was addictive.