Please Help Me
Please Help Me
Hi I have been doing a lot of research to try and understand the past year of my life. I got out of a relationship with a man, who I am now believing to be a N, and plan to start therapy to try and heal. But I have really enjoyed reading the advice from those who have been in my shoes. I think what I really am looking for is understanding. I am not sure what happened or what I went through and I am not getting the closure I need from him. I dated right after we ended it which I think almost helped me end it. But recently have realized I am too hurt and in too much pain to stay in a new relationship. I really would like some input on what you all think this was N or something else. I am a mess inside, starting to blame myself, and just needing to understand. I also wanted to see if anyone else has had these things happen to them. I am going to list out the things he did. Any advice is completely cherished. I just really want to get my own closure as to knowing what happened or what he is. Thank you so much.
All these things happened towards middle/end of relationship. It slowly crept up I cant tell you when it happened:
He would call me "Bella 1" and "Bella 2" and ask for his happy gf "Bella 1" to come back or ask "Bella 2" if she has seen his nice gf
He then transitioned from this into calling me Mary and telling her to bring Bella back as well as changed my name to Mary in his phone.
Called me a cunt, ignorant, child, piece of shit, bitch, sociopath, crazy, "almost" his perfect girl
My degree is in psy/child development. He told me he would never take his "future kids" to see me if I was a counselor bc idk what im doing.
He was condescending- would put me down I felt like a child by the end of the relationship. At the beginning I felt beautiful and sexy. I don't understand what switched.
Threatened to cheat bc "I deserved to know what the real worlds like"
Towards the end of our relationship he constantly ended the relationship saying im not the girl for him. That I used to be and that I need to go back to how I used to be-which I have been the same all along.
Said he isn't going to treat me right bc I don't deserve it.
Didn't have the urge to do romantic things for me anymore and never will so I need to deal with it
Very manipulative and controlling
"If you're not going to sleep with me I will find someone else who will." He never cheated but I didn't feel like I could trust him
He wouldn't do the little intimate or sweet things he knew meant a lot to me. It had to be him wanting to not me asking.
Used to say I had the softest skin, then a year later tell me I have rough hands. Little stuff like this making me feel bad I didn't even realize
We were long distance and mentioned "having two gfs" just to see if he could agree to get me to do it. Which I didn't so he moved onto something else that bothered me-his exs. Once he found out they bothered me he started texting them-of course this is all slow and over time
said after break up he should have "not stick his dick in crazy"
Bery sexually aggressive-I did stuff I prob wouldn't do with someone else; almost felt like I had to.
Said I did nothing for him when I constantly showered him with love and little notes or gifts and cleaned and did his laundry when I flew out and flew out to him every month
Would almost enjoy touching me when I was upset bc I would cry and say don't touch me and he would do it anyway.
And then after all this, he begs for me back, said he will go to counseling admits to everything. And then a few months down the road when I try and start to forgive and be his friend its back to the same shit. I don't know how to explain it but I literally feel like my head is going to explode. Im so confused. I loved him. I was going to move to him. And somehow I become the bad guy for respecting myself. yet part of me still wants to be with him. it is so confusing.
It is so weird when you are in the relationship and don't realize it all. Listing it out I almost become disappointed in myself for letting it happen. But its so sneaky how it appeared just kept building over time. I kept allowing it so he kept pushing harder until he crossed a line and I told him if he ended it one more time I will stay true to that-which he did. But over these past 6 months I have of course become the bad guy-which I always was. Everything was always turned on me. I tried to contact him to talk as friends but he made it clear he hasn't changed. He said im trying to ruin the happiness he has finally gotten to after being so down from the break up. And that I need to stop talking to him. I feel like I gave him his "power" back but man im just so tired I barely care. My soul is so tired.