Empatheticmale's Goodbye Letter
Empatheticmale's Goodbye Letter
I apologise for this being so long, but there was alot to come to terms with. I hope it helps others in recognising the signs. I'm still reeling at how I let this happen to me but I am setting new boundaries and have found a way to love myself. Take care everyone.
The better part of me would like to say that I hope this letter reaches you in good health, but to be honest I hope your life is shit. I hope that you are struggling in your life now I am no longer about to help you out and I hope the house is a mess and the garden overgrown like when I first arrived on the scene.
Now I know the secrets of your narcissism and the fact that I have been totally duped by you, I can think of nothing good to say about you or the sham of our 15 month ‘relationship’ that we supposedly had. I cannot believe how much shit I put up with from you in my quest to offer you my endless love and affection. I knew deep down that there was something quite wrong with you, but I had no idea to what extent or that I was being totally fucked-over. The fact that you are a psychologist threw me a curve ball for sure.
In retrospect all the signs were there, well there for anyone that knows anything about narcs, you even had the fucking audacity to use reverse-psychology occasionally, or to drop little hints telling me about the random disciplining techniques you use on your own son or how another of your sick fucking academic psychology friends did so with his partner every day for over a year before coming clean. And I’m sure you were using Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques on me too as I’d suddenly find myself doing something I wouldn’t normally want to do, without even considering why I’d started it.
You were right that your neighbours think you are odd and I should have listened to them. I knew something was wrong when we realised your dog had disappeared for good and you showed no emotion bar a pursing of your bottom lip. That dog would have loved you to the end of the earth but was only allowed to show you when you allowed it, just like with me.
If only your friends really knew what you think about them. You have no compassion despite the lengths you go to, to suggest otherwise. You organise those huge parties not for others as you suggest, but for yourself, for your own gratification.
And as for the anti-bullying mentorship at your university, BULLSHIT. All you were after was more recognition for your CV and a smokescreen for your own misdeeds. You had no compassion for those poor people at all, you just bitched about everyone that came to you with their problems because in your sick mind you didn’t give a shit about the losers who were wasting your time.
So how many more lives will you devastate in your quest for self-indulgence? People like you should be taken out of society so that the people who care don’t have their lives destroyed. You are a sick woman. How much of it were you aware of? The rages, the hours of verbal abuse and the complete lack of any compassion or acceptance of any blame whatsoever. Do you really think that is normal?
You are a manipulative, deceitful, selfish bitch and the “kind and considerate” qualities that you portray to others is pure fabrication – how many times did I hear that bullshit phrase of yours, you believe in nothing of the sort because you are so tied-up with massaging your own ridiculous ego. And that phrase “benefit of the doubt” was just as I expected, a ruse to attempt to get me to give you carte blanche to do what the fuck you wanted and to trust you. TRUST? You don’t know the fucking meaning.
You throw your money around as false gestures of generosity but they always require something in return and are nothing compared to what you spend on yourself and considering your huge salary. You go to great lengths to buy second-hand toys and clothes for your son on eBay or get them given to you from friends so that you can save even more money for yourself. This was perfectly illustrated in Paris when, after another argument over your shit attitude towards me that nearly had you leaving me to stay in another hotel, you went out alone and bought yourself a Picasso print that is worth more than my car and then even had the fucking nerve to make me feel guilty for not being there.
You even made a huge deal about sacrificing your Christmas with your son by ‘letting’ him stay with his father’s family for the whole of Christmas as it would be better for HIM. But in reality it was just so you could stay in Venice on your own all week, seeking attention in restaurants and bars and doing exactly what you wanted instead of having to do things for others. I should have spotted this as a red flag a mile away. Who the fuck CHOOSES to spend Christmas alone?!!
I guess you have gone back to your pathetic ways of having the gardener that you went out of your way not to introduce me to, around to flirt-with in an attempt to help fill the void that is your self-esteem. And the cleaner too so you can bitch about her. Now I’ve gone you can lust after whoever you like without upsetting my feelings or feel the need to tell me that I am insecure. And you can walk about topless in the garden in view of passers-by now, if that’s how fucking pathetic you really need to be to boost your ego.
Good luck to you and your thousands of Instagram followers – are you really such a desperate loser that you need nearly four thousand people to validate you on a daily basis?!! Fuck you have a problem.
And yes, the first counsellor was right in saying that my feelings that something was wrong with you were valid. And the second counsellor knows exactly what you were up to too. She recognised the narcissism and dropped hints that I should consider getting out of the relationship. But I loved you so much I would have done ANYTHING to try to make you feel loved and happy. But now I possess the real knowledge about you I will NEVER let you anywhere near me again.
And your poor son will grow up to be fucked-up too and already exhibits traits of narcissism when in large groups of people. That boy loved me but you drove me away – it must have been so hard for you to lose a little bit of his attention to me, despite the fact you found both him and me hard work and me ‘high maintenance’.
Well listen-up bitch, relationships take work from both sides, but I forget, you understand nothing of this do you and you took no blame whatsoever? What the hell DO you understand? Entitlement, superiority, selfishness, manipulation, criticism, brainwashing and the projection of your own shit onto me.
That’s all a pretty ugly picture to paint, like your character, ugly, mean and fucked-up.
But I have walked away with my head held high. It feels great knowing that I rejected YOU before you had a chance to really fuck my life up, like you did for nine years with your son’s poor father. Just remember that next time you think of me. I rejected YOU. How does that sit with your fucking ego?
We had five ‘holidays’ together and all of them were fucking awful, ending with you hurling abuse at me and threatening to leave to find your own hotel if you couldn’t get your own way or because I challenged your selfish ideas of what holidays ‘together’ should entail. Spending half of it on your own would be considered pretty fucking odd to just about anyone else on the planet – I should have bailed on you after the first debacle.
When I left you on our final holiday in Australia you had no compassion for me at all, you just passed all the blame onto me, screamed into my face within earshot of your parents while shaking my arm so it looked like I was causing all the trouble. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me to have to leave you two and find my way back to the UK? I spent 3 days walking around the city in a daze waiting for my re-scheduled flight, waiting in vain for a call from you to apologise, doubting my own sanity and trying to hold-it-together until I could get home. Of course, I have asked you this before but all you could do was scream at me down the phone accusing me of running-away and blaming it all on my issues until I was in tears. You are a fucked-up, mean bitch and I despise you.
How many times did I throw my whole being into attempting to make you feel loved? I slept with my phone by my bed every night and would have driven an hour to you at any point if I thought I could have made you happy, but you continually kicked me back to the ground with your hatred and abuse knowing that I’d get back up to try again. I loved you with my whole heart and you knew it, but you sucked all the life and ambition out of me, left me feeling destroyed, completely rejected and worthless, full of sadness, empty of love and so confused that I even told you that I was experiencing short-term memory loss. You told me to go and get checked out.
Now I have had some time to heal and rediscover myself, I know that I am a wonderfully-giving human being with an immense amount to offer someone who will reciprocate the love, care and support that I can offer.
So these are the things you have sacrificed by trying to fuck me over: you no longer have my undivided attention, you no longer have me to tell you that I love you, to be there for you whenever you need or want me, to tell you how beautiful, intelligent and sexy you are, to keep you warm when you are cold, to be with you when you are lonely, to give you massages without any expectation of one in return, to fulfil your wildest sexual desires, to tell you how wonderfully-creative you are, to look after your son so you have time to yourself, to cook every Sunday so you can groom your Instagram followers, to pretend your arse isn’t getting fat, to pretend I enjoy your company, to put up with your morning grumpiness, your snoring, your snotty-nosed hay fever, your attention-seeking, your criticisms and put-me-downs, your conceitedness, your arrogance, your rejections, your bullshit lies and deceit , your abuse, your temper, your anger, your rages and your violence.
You accused me of being weak and pathetic while under your evil control, but time and distance has done wonders for my self-esteem and I now feel strong like when we first met. I won’t be trapped in your web of deceit any longer.
I no longer even recognise your existence so don’t even think about contacting me again for a reaction, EVER, I will have nothing to do with you, ever again. I have set new boundaries in my life and have blocked every possible way of you contacting me. If anything does gets through it will be deleted immediately without any attention from me. And if I ever hear of anyone considering a relationship with you I will warn them.
It’s over, whatever IT was.
Fuck off and screw someone else’s life up. In fact no, don’t. I wouldn’t want to wish that heartache on anyone.
I would like to reveal your pathetic excuse-for-a-life to everyone you know and wish you a sad and unfulfilled lonely existence with your big salary, big house and big garden, but I can’t. I still have compassion and empathy and I can’t wish that on you despite the hell you put me through.
I hear that there is no cure for a narc and that makes me sad for you. And the anger I am dealing with now I will channel into the positive aspects of my life and happiness that are developing with every day that I am away from you.
You will never experience the love I thought we had or understand the sadness I feel for you now, but there is nothing more I can do for you now but let you continue with your ridiculous and immature life of hatred, jealousy, manipulation and attention-seeking.
You do it well.
I pity you and your hollow existence.