Goodbye Mr. Big
Goodbye Mr. Big
I spent nearly 7 years with this man... This is my journal entry, of our ending.
B… cheated on me (met her in August and we were together until the second week of September) He had one of his typical rants (if life isn’t all about him he shuts down, but he would always come back)- we saw each other off and on for a few weeks-and then one day he left as usual, no drama, no breakup, and I just never heard from him again.
I texted a few times and got ignored. I sent a lawn birthday display 1.5 weeks after, because I worried his day wouldn’t be special. It never got acknowledged. After my birthday, 4 weeks later came and past, I sent him a pissy text thanking him for my non- existent birthday wishes. I didn’t know at that point he was dating someone- but they must have been having problems- because he answered me right away and showed up at my house 2 days later!
He was clearly looking for sex, and I said I wouldn’t if he were having sex with someone else ( as per our “previous agreement” while we had some time apart). He said “well, I don’t know what to tell you”…and stupid me… (that was my first mistake). I became the other woman for 5 weeks (that was my second mistake) and it was the worst 5 weeks of my existence. He was good at it too…secret text codes- private meetings. If he texted the number 2 that meant he was with her. UGH! And it wasn’t just about sex he wanted me to take days of work to spend with him. Altho, we never did anything but sit on our ass watching TV.
He had random moments of guilt- but always came back.
It was Thanksgiving and I was with my family and he was with his- with HER! I decided at that moment, I was going to live my life too. I started dating a really nice guy. The day of our 3rd date- he snapped. He thought, if I went on this date- he would lose me forever. Calls- texts, tears..Begging. I cut the date short- for us to talk but he went out with her.
I pushed the issue and told him to decide. They had been having some issues, I guess, and didn’t see each other for a few days. He was going to go and end things- “but may have to spend the night, if he drank too much” (this from a guy who never drinks). I told him if he did spend the night- don’t bother.
Apparently, she kicked him to the curb (was going back to her husband, yes she was also married)- so I got him back. He did, however, see her at least 3 times that I know about after we got “officially” back together. He had told me he randomly met her at Jewel one day- when in reality, she was one of the many woman he kept adding to facebook, that I had an issue with him doing. They were all “old childhood friends” he told me, but in reality he never knew her….or the many other woman he kept adding and posting to. I found this out after we were back together.
We tried counseling, but after 3 sessions- I saw the pity in the counselors eyes and he didn’t like what she had to say. She told me in my private session- If I don’t want to help myself- she can’t help me.
I was told to “let it go”- “get over it”. They had more sleepovers in 10 weeks- then we did in 6 years. Which I was told would change after we got back together- but never did. She made over his bedroom- got rid of every memory of me and his late wife (which I never could) They basically “played house”. She told me he spent tons of money on her. She had him “eating out of her hand”. All in 10 weeks?? My six years amounted to SHIT!
I have hurt 3 different men I attempted to date every time he came back into my life and I couldn’t stay away. This man is a cheater and a player and a phony. He is a liar and not a very nice person underneath all the charm. He will ALWAYS use your faults to his advantage and still, when you KNOW that, make you feel like it’s still ALL YOUR ISSUE.
He has charm early on- but he is truly a bottom feeder. Anger, bitterness, laziness, rudeness (but will call out anyone else if they have a momentary lapse into his regular ways). He can cuddle and watch TV (laziness)- just don’t expect any true romance in any way- after the honeymoon stage. Just make sure you feed him and clean his house- OW told me that makes him a happy man and THAT is how I should have taken care of my man.
He doesn’t have a solid job. And if a girl tickles his fancy or he suddenly wants to get laid—time off work is no problem. He is looking for a sugar Mama. He thinks he is all that and a bag- but he is really just a boat anchor that will drown you.
I know I am worth so much more love, devotion, time and dedication. I could write a novel of my patience and sacrifice.
I know others look at me with pity- and I am embarrassed for what I have become. I have given too much and accepted too little in return.
It’s my turn. Goodbye asshole. You beat me down. You wrecked me. I deserve more.