WTF? Is she?

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#1 January 3, 2014 - 6:22pm
ajrenk
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WTF? Is she?

Hello! My therapist turn me on the this site and I've learned a lot so far.

Just posting here for some insight on my situation. It really through me for a loop.

I was dating a woman for 7 months who is an accomplished surgeon. We connected almost immediately and starting spending time together. We clicked on every level. We both felt this was really going to go somewhere. She gave me a card saying she wanted to spend the next 50 birthdays together. All great stuff. We had gone to meet each others parents and we're in love.

She has a 17 year old son who was in a boarding school for a drug problem. He had been away the first 6 months of our relationship. I knew that was hard on her.

So about 7 months in, she was able to make the trip to visit him for a weekend. She texted me from the airport saying, "she was glad I was in her life." She comes back on Monday and is not communicating. She sends me an email asking for space out of the blue. It was completely unexpected. We met a couple days later to talk and it seems that the reality of her son possibly coming home was weighing on her, but she didn't want to end things just that she needed some more time for herself. It was her idea that we'd get together a couple times a week. I was cool with that.

The next day, I got a very terse email asking that I not text, call or email her for now. So, I honored that request. About 3 weeks later she popped up saying she missed me. So we got together, had a great time and talked about her son a lot. She said she felt like she'd been a failure as a mother.

A couple weeks later, her son got a visit home for a week. I didn't expect to see them during that time since he was being reintroduced to his surroundings. She would send me updates on how things were going and some pictures. All good stuff. Then on a Saturday morning she called me crying asking me to come to her place. The night before we had gotten together for dinner while he son was visiting a friend for a couple hours. She discovered that he had taken a couple sleeping pills will with the friend and was upset because he obviously wasn't supposed to be doing that.

I hung out with them for the rest of the weekend and go to know him a bit. She was thanking me for not giving up on her and telling me was a good man I am. So the kid goes back to school and we continue to see each other. Things seems to be getting back to the way they were. She was the one initiating most of the contact to get together.

At the end of August, she asked me out on a Friday night. We had a great time like we always had. Holding hands, affectionate. We talked Saturday and she invited me to go to brunch on Sunday with two of her friends. Had a good time. When we got back to her place, she said this out the the blue, "you don't need a girlfriend with a 17 year old drug addicted son." I thought that was an odd comment. I could tell that she wanted to be alone, so I left. She texted later that evening saying how great it was to see me.

That was the last time I heard from her. Heck, she had just told me how much she loved me. The following week I sent texts and called but nothing. I sent email asking what was up and nothing. She has responded to a couple text messages with very short answers and that's it. Nothing about why she stopped communicating. I have no idea what happened. It was as if she flipped a switch and turned me off. I've been struggling with this for 3 months now. We had a pretty close relationship so I don't understand it at all. I don't care what the reason is for the behavior, some closure would be nice! I was very caring and supportive to this woman, so I can't understand why you can't even send an email or text explanation. We obviously see the world differently. How can someone who claims to love me just drop me like a hot potato?

It's been 4 months since she walked away. I've been confused and sickened. I've sent a couple respectful email messages asking her what happened, but she never responds. I've sent text messages and she will respond to them with very short answers. She never asks about me.

I am only now beginning to understand who she really is. I was really in love with her so it really hurt me. I just want to understand WHY. I just want some closure. I don't know what that's so much to ask from someone who said "I was the best thing that ever happened to them."

I started talking to a therapist to get my head around this situation. She thinks that she could be suffering from a Narcissistic disorder. Thoughts?

Thank you in advance!

January 4, 2014 - 1:08am
Krammer
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Just guessing . . .

January 4, 2014 - 12:32pm (Reply to #13)
ajrenk
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Thank you!

January 4, 2014 - 3:43pm (Reply to #16)
Done sourcing
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It sounds like she won't tell

January 5, 2014 - 1:27pm (Reply to #17)
ajrenk
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DS, Thanks for the kick in

January 4, 2014 - 12:38pm (Reply to #14)
ajrenk
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I can see your point about

January 4, 2014 - 12:45pm (Reply to #15)
ajrenk
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Another sidebar, the kid

January 4, 2014 - 12:32pm (Reply to #2)
ajrenk
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Thank you!

January 4, 2014 - 3:25pm (Reply to #3)
Krammer
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Ouch . . .

January 4, 2014 - 4:04pm (Reply to #4)
ajrenk
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Wow Cobalt thank you! That

January 4, 2014 - 5:18pm (Reply to #11)
Krammer
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Also . . .

January 4, 2014 - 5:31pm (Reply to #12)
ajrenk
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Amen Brother! Well said. I am

January 4, 2014 - 5:03pm (Reply to #5)
Krammer
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D & D . . .

January 4, 2014 - 5:34pm (Reply to #9)
ajrenk
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That's why this is so cruel.

January 4, 2014 - 6:41pm (Reply to #10)
Krammer
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Marks . . .

January 4, 2014 - 5:32pm (Reply to #6)
MsFrenchie
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Great perspective, Cobalt

January 4, 2014 - 6:47pm (Reply to #7)
Krammer
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Good point . . .

January 8, 2014 - 1:05pm (Reply to #8)
ajrenk
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I've finally decided to go NC