Lorin's Story

After an amazing, dazzling beautiful idolation period that lasted 2 years, I finally, finally opening my heart completely to my N. He'd had some financial problems and had finally found a great new job. At last, I could see away we could be together.

It was a that point, when he "had" me that things changed.
It was subtle. I was just a bit confused, but I wrote it off to demands from his new job and normal relationship cycles.

One day out of the blue, he told me that his wife--you know the crazy one, the one who he was adamant had agreed they would be splitting as soon as the kids were a bit older --had caught him holding hands with another OW at a neighborhood party.

Now he was desperate and an outcast in own home. At first he said he'd be moving out. Afterall, that's what he'd said would happen hundreds of times.

We met for what I thought was a normal lunch 2 days later and my beloved laid it on me. We could have casual sex and things wouldn't be that different because we would "continue to talk" WTF? In the mean time he had to try to worm his way back into his wife's heart.

His lies got sloppy. He insisted the hand holding incident was platonic. WTF? A hot summer night, after midnight, he'd been drinking all day. What do you think?

I didn't go along with his plan to make me second string. I could see that since I had fallen for him, I was no longer a challenge and that he craved the excitement of wooing a new supply, in this case recycling his wife. But I didn't blame myself. I could see there was nothing I could do. But I hoped that if she ultimately rejected him, he would return to me.

For two weeks I picked his brain and tried to understand what was going on, but I couldn't make sense out of it. I was devastated!

When he saw I wasn't going to easily morph into second string, only then did he say he couldn't lead me on by sharing tidbits about how his efforts to renew ties with his wife weren't going well. Only then did he say, "It wouldn't be fair to keep you hanging on." Of course I only pieced this chronology together well after the fact.

When I called him 2 weeks later on a sultry summer Friday night when everyone was with family and friends and I was alone, to tell him I wanted to end contact, he dissed me by saying he couldn't talk, he had people waiting for him", meaning his family.

We hung up and I thought, "Well, I am a person, and he's trying to keep me waiting for him"

I had an insight, a premonition. I could just see that this could go on for a long time. That he'd keep me hanging with crumbs if I let him.

So I texted him the following note:

"Oh one more thing sweetheart, fuck off and die. You think yr so pshyco savey, then u r surprised I don't want you to call me. Well wake up and smell the coffee asshole. You play w my heart w all kinds of mixed messages, not up for that so toodles and asta la vista baby..

Ps good luck gettin it together w the woman you were just realizing wasn't for u when she got pregnant. 20 years and plenty of nastyness later u decide to put yr heart into this?...more like knocking yr head against a wall. again g'luck w that.. Well u know u can always pick up some girl at a party.. Apparently still haven't lost yr touch.

Its because I once had all yr attention but you r no longer giving it to me that way...and I'm trying to heal, and just when I have the wind at my back and my life feels full and moving forward you call. Which reminds me of the loss..we no longer share intimacies and I can skip the small talk. Tell Fritzy (a pejoritive of his brother's name, Franz) how busy you are...leave me alone."

Wow did that feel good.

Later that night I called his land line. He was brief and cold and mean and I never spoke with him again. Instead he gave my coordinates to his wife.

I believe she suffers from Borderline PD. She sent me 6 mos of sick nasty, nasty vitriolic texts somehow blaming me for his wondering. I got to see the lies he told her about me through her words... fat, a whore, never meant anything to him, that I was with many men from POF while seeing him.

Wow. What a punch to the stomach. From beloved to meaningless whore in 2 weeks. Lying about me and setting me up to be brutalized.

Can you believe I was so brainwashed by the love bug that initially I was saying to myself, "Wll, he had to tell her that stuff, because she's so crazy, and its the only way he could stay with his kids." Now i have a good idea that he played a big roll in driving her crazy all these years.

It's good to get it out. Seeing all the clues in type, B & W, it's pretty obvious he was a Narc all right. Lovebomb. D & D as soon as your hooked. No closure. Plenty of lies. AAGGHHhhhh!!

This forum and many, many baby steps towards health are helping me heal. Thank you all!!! Comments very welcome.