Goodbye Dr. Hyde.
Goodbye Dr. Hyde.
You'll never see this letter, but here's the rub: It's not about YOU anymore. It's my turn.
When we met, I wanted your attention. I wanted you to want me. I now see that you never gave me anything I needed. You gave me tidbits of your attention... just enough to whet my appetite for more of you.
I wasn't crazy, I think I was desperate. (how I hate to think I let myself get so low that your tidbits were enough!)
So, now that you are gone from my home (not yours, like you have told everyone who would listen! you told people that my three homes were yours.... that your mom's home was yours... that your sister's home was yours. Did you actually think anyone believed your lies? Did you not see them rolling their eyes?) But, I digress.
You are gone from my home... you are gone from my life. I no longer have to pay your debts, buy your cigarettes, buy your alcohol, buy food for you to cook (you bragged that you were such an amazing cook, but your alcoholism was so severe that you hardly knew what you were doing. You would sit and literally watch me eat, which irritated the hell out of me, and you knew it.... or your sober self should have known that.) Again, I digress...
I no longer have to explain to friends and family that you were a cheater, a liar, a thief: that I am better off without you.
I no longer have to wonder if you are doing what you say you were going to do. When you went Christmas shopping last year, you were actually meeting another woman for a drink. Your logic behind this one? Hey, I didn't sleep with her. (Oh, so, I don't have to worry about you bringing home an STD this time? What about the other times that you had sex with other women and prostitutes?) Again, I digress.
I wish I could show you this letter and that you would read it and take it to heart, but you wouldn't. You would turn everything back on me. Blame any issues on me. Tell me we had conversations we didn't have. Tell me I didn't trust you. (you think?) Tell me I was Too Sensitive. (uh, yeah.) Then, when you think I'm actually walking away, you would change faces and say you'll get help. You'll stop drinking... you'll get counselling, you'll change. (um, no you won't)
You asked me to marry you. (really?) You wanted to tie me to you. But, you never bought a ring. In fact, you let me use a ring I already owned as an engagement ring. You probably lied and told people you bought it. In fact, when I broke the engagement off, you stole that ring, just like you stole jewelry from an ex. I forced that issue, and you suddenly "found" the ring and put it back in such an implausible place, and wanted all the glory of "finding" it. sheesh, you liar, you took it in the first place. I am so happy we never married. Lord have mercy. My life is challenging enough with paying your legal fees for your theft, for your DWI, for your debt to your ex... I am getting my finances back in order. I am paying my bills like I always did, and happily.
I have a great job... you have lost yours (again!) I actually want you to hit bottom. I want you to go to your family and have them say "no." I don't know if they will ever have the strength to do that, but you know what? That is YOUR issue now. And, theirs. Not mine.
I want you to go.
I do not want to hear from you in any form.
No emails, no texts (oh, right, you can't even pay your phone bill anymore. so sad.) no visits to my home. (the last time I know for sure you were here, you keyed a rental car that was in my driveway because of your jealousy(!?!?!) $500 later, that issue is off my plate. I have given up friendships because you have kept them. I do not want to run into you. I do not want to even hear about you.
I have an idea for you: Reinvent yourself (again) and move to another part of the state. Oh wait, you don't have a vehicle anymore (so sad.) But, when you latch onto your next supply, go to her. Leave me and my space so that I can live! Live without the risk of running into you. Live without worrying that your lies will work their way back to me. I am getting there, Michael. I am ridding my life of you. I am ridding my heart of you. I am ridding my emotions of you, and lastly I am ridding my mind of you. (Oh, and MY dogs do not miss you.)
I am strong.