They are tricky!

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 28 - 12PM
Lotsofmovement
Lotsofmovement's picture

They are tricky!

I thought he was the one. It feels like a kick to the gut that my intuition was so wrong, that the one and only time I thought I had met my soul mate, he was really the worst person I ever met. He was exciting, he was entertaining, he was funny! Very very charismatic.

He seemed shy, he hated being at my house, I thought, how cute...he's uncomfortable. hahaha. NO! he was a control freak!

He was romantic. He always wanted to go out, always had something for us to do.....I thought....how sweet, he cares! No!! He couldn't be alone with me, or intimate, or listen to me talk at all, so he found a million things for us to do so we didn't have to talk.

He was insecure. I thought that was cute too! He said he had been cheated on and worried. That seemed so vulnerable and cute. But he was really manipulating me.

Sex was my first real clue that something was off. It took me months to figure it out though. He had no clue how to have sex, seemed terrified of it actually. didn't know how to touch me at all! And guess what? I found that intriguing. Sometimes I wish I had found this site sooner, heard these stories sooner. He didn't like to kiss, and sex always had to be his way, he even had trouble keeping it up.

I did know deep down, there was something wrong. Normal men, if a girl were to pull them in for a kiss, or try to pull them into the shower, or try to initiate sex, they would love it. Not him, if you threw him off, did something he didn't initiate, he would literally...run....away. He played everything cool, but he was awkward. it was very tricky....very tricky. Like seeing an apple, biting into it and tasting onion. Everyone else sees apple, but you keep tasting onion!

There were weird things and then there were mean things. Telling me he didn't want sex unless I dressed up. Telling me, literally, his way or the highway. And I thought...he's trying to be assertive. I didn't think he was serious.

He told me my stories were boring, often yawned when I spoke. Argued everything I said was wrong. When I got my Master's degree, he told me it wasn't even in an important subject. If I was reading a novel, he would tell me to learn something new! Read a real book! If I read non-fiction, he would say, be creative, read a real book! I always laughed, I really really wanted to believe he was trying to be funny. He always laughed, he would say he was kidding, but he wore me down. I never lost nor gained weight, but he often asked if i had gained weight. Many back-handed compliments, like, "if you lost 10 lbs, you'd be perfect."

I have a daughter. Once, he asked me, when I was gonna get rid of her. Then he laughed. I convinced myself he was just stupid sometimes.

I told him how another kid was annoying me, the way the little boy treated adults. He told me, "Isn't it weird people think other people's kids are annoying, but don't notice their own kids are annoying?"

When I got upset and demanded to talk about things, he would disappear for days. Shut off his phone, refuse to pick up or answer. It's so funny to think about how he would say, "Don't call me, I'll call you..hahah" and I believed he was joking! but he wasn't.

I am trying not to be hard on myself. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had and I knew something was wrong. Just took me a long time....too long...

I'm over it. I feel better, I feel clear. The depression I had for nearly a year vanished! I don't have a fight in my head every morning. I don't have to feel shitty that the man I love acts like I'm not good enough or calls and makes me listen to him talk and then needs to hang up when I have something to say. Or that I knew...I knew that if I ever needed him, he would NOT be around. It was scary to live like that, scary to love someone like that.

I read these stories to remind myself that he isn't going to ever really apologize. I received a Generic apology, he says he knows it's him and he loses friends and can't keep a relationship because of these things, but then when I ask to talk, he ignores me again. I guess I should be thankful. There is something about him that is mesmerizing, it really tricks you even if you think you are prepared.

I read once that men like this can make you feel lucky to do their dishes, or clean their sinks all the while belittling you, robbing you of your dignity.

tricky tricky!

Kate

Nov 28 - 4PM
Tigiangel
Tigiangel's picture

So many similarities .....

Nov 28 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Lotsofmovement
Lotsofmovement's picture

crazy!!

Nov 28 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Tigiangel
Tigiangel's picture

Tricky....my meaning...

Nov 28 - 1PM
ItsFinallytime
ItsFinallytime's picture

Welcome to the forum, LOM. I

Nov 28 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Lotsofmovement
Lotsofmovement's picture

interesting

Nov 28 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
Tigiangel
Tigiangel's picture

I hear ya....

Nov 28 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

Lotsofmovement

Nov 28 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
talktothehand
talktothehand's picture

Lotsofmovement