Good bye J

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#1 November 28, 2013 - 1:16pm
layla2727's picture

Good bye J

I just joined and this is going to feel really good to get this out there and have other people read. I actually sent my exN a different version of this. I didn't use the word Narcissist and took out all the foul language. I needed to confront him about his problems. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone unless I confronted him. and I cant lie, I had hope he would realize his faults and change. now I know better. but here it goes.

You have a control problem. It is your way or the highway. I don’t think you are incapable of saying you are sorry if you realize you are wrong. But you are incapable of seeing 95% of your faults.

Remember that time on the couch you said I had the most fucked up family you have ever heard of? Then told me you wondered how I turned out the way I did? And I got upset and YOU BLAMED ME for getting upset because you said you were trying to give me a compliment. A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. I should be grateful that you loved me despite my fucked up family??? JACOB, REALLY? IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME, YOU WOULDN’T CARE!!! YOU WOULDN’T THROW IT IN MY FACE AT ALL! YOU WOULD HOLD ME AND TELL ME YOU WERE SORRY I EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH! You put me and my family down and then say I am too sensitive. You can put down things about me that I can help. If I am lazy, you can put me down for that. But you cannot put me down for something I cannot help and then compliment me for it. It doesn’t work that way. You also said you were glad I didn’t have a dad because you didn’t have to deal with him. HOW FUCKING SELFISH IS THAT. And yes, you admitted that was selfish. So you admit it is selfish so that way you can get away with saying it? Um no, doesn’t work like that. That is an emotional pain I have dealt with my whole life. Instead of caring about my feelings, you see how that loss benefits you. That is fucked up. YOU NEVER EVEN TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE SORRY ABOUT IT. You don’t care that it has bothered me, you just see how it makes things easier for you. DID I EVER SAY I WAS GLAD YOUR MOTHER WAS NOT IN YOUR LIFE? Hell no. I wouldn’t dare. Whether you want to admit it or not, the fact your mother is not there is painful. I would never insult you that way. And if I could fix that relationship for you, I would. You, however, would keep that severance between me and my father so that it would benefit you.
And no you haven’t always been ‘bad” to me. yes you did shower me with affection and you acted like I walked on water sometimes and mostly in front of other people. I guess that was what I was holding on to for so long. I really did love that side of you. Unfortunately most of the time you were snapping at me and making “jokes” that put me down.

When we started dating I was reading this book that said to RUN from a man that had a bad relationship with his mother. Because if he doesn’t respect his mother, he would not respect any woman. I was hoping you would be the exception to this rule. I was dead wrong. You do not respect women at all.

And if YOU HAVE MORE MONEY THAN ALL OF US BITCHES, why were you so concerned about how much I was going to spend on the shopping trip that YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE ME ON. You were mad because I called you out for misleading you Dad. So you had to suck it up and spend money on your “pampered and spoiled ass girlfriend” that you would have rather just saved in YOUR bank account. AND THEN YOU TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE YOU SAY YOU WERE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING NICE? Im not an idiot Jacob. YOU NEVER WANTED TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I CALLED YOU OUT ON A FUCKING LIE TO YOUR DAD. And that’s why we wont work. I wont submit to you. I will call you out when you mislead people and I will call you out when you lie or when you put me down. How in the hell could I be spoiled? I PAY MY OWN BILLS, I BOUGHT MY OWN HOUSE (WHICH YOUR FATHER HELPED YOU WITH), GOT MYSELF THROUGH COLLEGE BY WORKING 3 JOBS (WHICH YOUR FATHER PUT YOU THROUGH), CUT MY OWN DAMN GRASS, BUY MY OWN FUCKING CLOTHES (EXCEPT THE “SHOPPING SPREE” YOU SENT ME ON SO THAT EVERYONE COULD SEE), AND COOK MY OWN DAMN FOOD. I DON’T PAY FOR EXPENSIVE HAIRCUTS, BUY DESIGNER BRAND CLOTHES, GET FUCKING PEDICURES, OR DO ANY OF THAT SHIT. I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YOU WANT TO CALL ME FUCKING PAMPERED. FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

And then when I have called you out for you being so fucking cheap and not wanting to do ANYTHING, YOU MAKE IT MY FAULT BECAUSE YOU ARE BUYING ME A HOUSE AND ME A RING. I DON’T WANT A FUCKING HOUSE OR A RING FROM YOU. And when I was blinded and I did want those things from you, a modest house and modest ring would have done me just fine. If it meant you not pinching every fucking penny so that you could keep up with Joneses and not have to work all the goddamn time, I would have been fine with a double wide trailer and a tiny ring. YOU ARE SLAVING YOURSELF AWAY AND STACKING UP YOUR BANK ACCOUNT FOR YOURSELF. NOT ME. NOT ANY OTHER “DYNAMITE WOMAN” YOU THINK YOU WILL FIND. IT IS ALL FOR YOU.

And what about the time you said if we got a divorce you would prove me an unfit mother and take my kids? FUCKING REALLY? And then you say you are joking so that you can get away with saying it. These things resonate in my head. Normal people don’t joke about these things. First of all, I won’t get a divorce. And if I realize my husband is controlling and manipulative WHEN IT IS TOO LATE, MY KIDS ARE STAYING WITH ME. sorry sweetheart, IT IS a woman’s world when it comes to that. No amount of money or manipulation would ever prove me an unfit mother. Just a couple of recorded phone converstaions could easily prove you an emotionally abusive boyfriend.

They always say the beginning is the best it is going to get. That is why this is over. You say that there would be things you would “let me” do if we got married that I couldn’t do before. This is bullshit. If you really thought I was worth the investment, you would be propositioning me now and showing me how you planned to invest in me and the future mother of your children. You didn’t do it before, so what in the hell do you think would lead me to believe you would do it if we got married. You would still be just as tight and stingy but probably moreso because you would expect me to listen to you.

And that weekend that Wilder was baptized? You fucking manipulated me to believe my mom was being a pain in the ass. You made me think that weekend was about Wilder. No, that weekend was about YOU giving YOUR dad a motorcycle. God forbid I see my mother that I NEVER SEE. Just another way to make things easier for YOU and ISOLATE ME but cutting her out?? YOU couldn’t wait to get there so YOU made me feel guilty about keeping you out later than you wanted to be. It wasn’t about WILDER. It was about YOU.
And what about the countless times you told me I needed you and no one else? You wanted me to depend on you and you only so that I didn’t have anyone to turn to when you were a controlling and manipulative asshole. Everyone needs other people. And not just their significant other. Did I ever say anything like that to you? Hell no. you need your dad and your need your brother and you need your friends. Would I ever try to pull you away from them and make you think I was all you needed. Fuck no. because that is FUCKING SICK.

Im sure you think I am a crazy bitch right now for all of this. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. 95% of people on this earth would agree with everything I have to say to you. The other 5% are controlling and manipulative just like you. That’s right Jacob. I have talked to people about our situation. And If I hadn’t, I don’t know that I would have found a way out because I would have stayed wrapped up in your controlling world. I will never tell you who, but a few people who are closest to you told me that it would probably be best to leave you alone. They told me this a long time ago. They have watched you control and manipulative every woman in every relationship you have ever been in.

I know what is going to happen. One of two things. The first is most likely and most probable. You will end up with some weak and feeble girl who needs you to control her and manipulate her to feel like she is worth something. Remember the first time I really left you and I told you that you would find a strong and independent woman? I take that back. completely. You cant handle an strong woman. You need someone submissive. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THERE WAS A REASON YOU ATTRACT TRASH? And you are never going to fully love her because you will not respect her. She will have your kids and you will completely disrespect her and dream of taking your children away. AND IF SHE HAS AN OUNCE OF STRENGTH SHE WILL LEAVE YOU. AND ONE DAY YOU WILL SEE THAT I AM RIGHT. You got lucky with me baby. And Jordan. I heard she was a good girl but got tired of your shit too. The other possibility is that you realize you have a control problem and you work on it. Then you might have a chance at a healthy relationship with someone you genuinely love because you will respect her. So good luck. I sure do hope you can see your faults and maybe have a chance.

I am not a typical 24 year old who is struggling between being a girl and a woman. I know exactly what I want and I am going to get it. You, however, are a typical arrogant and controlling 31 year old who has not been married for a reason. Talk about a roller coaster of emotion.
This was definitely a blessing and disguise and not some bad fight. DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN. AND STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME. and DESPITE your control issue I do wish you the best.