You are a narcissist. This is the last time I will indulge you and make this all about you. You are a compulsive liar, always bending the truth to serve you. You always have an end goal in mind and manipulate me and everyone else to get yourself there. You are back and forth and up and down and all over the place. You are toxic.
You hurt me without even trying. Every day with you had some sort of dramatic catastrophe that got in the way of life. We couldn’t plan for things or save for things because your immediate emergency and lack of sight past the current moment caused me to live in constant stress and survival mode.
You owned the rights to problems in our relationship. I couldn’t get sick without being told it was gross. I couldn’t have a bad day without being told I was annoying. I couldn’t plan anything without being told I was boring and lacked spontaneity.
I couldn’t talk to you. Period. I was interrupted, belittled, yelled at. When I stood up for myself, you went into self-destruct mode. Many tiny arguments spiraled into a suicide threat, your best tactic to get me back on your side.
After your car accident, you became addicted to pain medication, causing even more distance between us than was already were. I was your caregiver, and you were the victim. The victim mentality was your favorite. You prefer pity to accomplishment. Even on the days you didn’t deserve it, I was there for you. I put my soul aside to make your life easier, to the point where I almost lost it all together.
When I finally realized things wouldn’t change, I offered you a separation, which you had been threatening for weeks. This caused you to go to court and lie, telling them I physically and emotionally hurt you, and getting me kicked out of my house. I will never forget the day that a police officer and a detective told me I needed to get out or go to jail. After a year of being your nurse, maid, cook, driver, and spouse, the final slap in my face was a court order telling me I was abusive. That was that ultimate irony. That was unforgivable.
Despite your admission of guilt and promises for change, I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t live this dance another day. I can’t trust or believe you, and that’s not going to change. You are not going to change.
The only thing that will change is me. I can choose to move on. I can choose to start over and live my life again. I can choose to have peace and clarity rather than chaos and guilt. I can take control back and live the life I always imagined. I lost sight of that life during my time with you and pretended that I didn’t need it. Well now I know I can have it, and I couldn’t feel happier.
And no, it’s not because of you.
See you never,