Alexy story

Hi everyone,
Hope this is therapeutic!
My story starts with the fact that my narc is no sorry was my husbands best friend. He basically lived at our house( lived a few streets away he moved into the same area after we purchased our house before we were married)
I have been with my husband for 6 yrs married for two and it seems now looking back that the narc was pretty much a fixed part of our relationship from the start.
We always got along and get have an instant connection. He knew the ins and out of our relationship. He would always say that he wanted someone like me a wife like me prior to anything happening. I saw him in relationships but he would never let the girlfriends he had interact with us, it would always just be him. I saw him flirt with others, inappropriately text other women while he had these other girlfriends and knew he didn't have healthy relationships.. And heard the awful things he said about the girlfriends like he was the victim..Even so, when he saw that my relationship with my husband had begun to breakdown, he made his move. I am someone who does go out of their way for ppl and I feel responsible and a deep duty and love for my friends who I consider family. So when he needed a job, I created a job for him in my business... Husband was ok with it as we considered him family. We had never been in a situation where my husband wasn't present so his first day at my work it started, the praise, the affection, the sweet words etc etc etc he used the fact that my husband isn't like that at all to his advantage. After a week of this and me saying it was out of line my husband was his best friend, he was declaring his love that had been there for 6 yrs bringing up things from yrs ago to show he remembered that I made an impact on him. He started with telling me I shouldn't trust my husband that he knew he was texting other women etc he was selling himself with all the things he knew I was struggling with with my husband, and the connection was undeniably strong, he was emotional loving etc all the things my emotionally removed husband was not.... As much as I tried to put barriers up he'd work past them.
We then entered into the roller coaster something I'm not proud of. We laughed, I felt loved on a pedestal yet hesitant and guilty at the circumstances, he continued to come to our house like nothing was going on, which I now look back at him loving that thrill and the fact that he "won" the competition only he seemed to have in his head with my husband. He loved me wanted me to move in with him start a family get married, the compliments and love was intense. Never had I experienced that feeling before. I was hooked. He just wanted all of me all of the time he wanted the life I had set up with my husband with him. Once he saw me separate myself from my husband emotionally even more and he felt like he literally had me hooked ( I'd do his shopping, help pay his bills, paid him more at work, worked his role around him which meant he didn't have to do really anything- he just wanted to be with me all day, played the perfect part as a girlfriend) he slowly emerged with different characteristics. I wasn't allowed to go to the gym unless he came, he thought I looked at men all the time, I wasn't allowed to have males come into my workplace unless he was there, he'd check my phone, I wasn't allowed to talk to the males at work.. Which he slowly pushed out after two months, yet all of these rules did not apply to him and I wasn't allowed to question that. My husband stopped speaking with him( think he had a feeling that he was no good) he had to know where I was who I was talking to. He msged me constantly but I thought that he was just overly I love with me and wanted to see the positive side to it. He was building me up but still taking me down at the same time ( if that makes sense) I was happy as he was filing the emotional void I was missing. A few months went by and I found out he was texting a mutual friend but the stories of what he told me they spoke about and what she showed me weren't the same! Somehow that turned into it being my fault how date I speak about him to someone else.. Don't worry about the fact he was lying! I was told to never speak to her again and he was cruel to her who didn't understand and never spoke to her again.
I was put in a pedestal.. But my feelings were second, if I had an issue it couldn't be discussed with out it being my fault or turned on to him and how I make him feel. Few months later, he wanted to control me at work I was not allows to question him he wanted to make the rules. I had to back him up and support him. One of the staff members dared to question him and then I found out that he had been texting her ( she was also with someone else) and he threatened to tell everyone and her partner if he didn't do what he wanted. So she told me ( they were only texting for a few weeks before she cut it off which was months previous to this) again same story my fault to ask about him which i didn't .. But it was my fault because I hadn't moved in with him and made him feel unvalued.
I wasn't allowed to be upset and I never rally got over that. We continued and the highs were amazing, lows were getting worse and worse I cried all the time, I wasn't allowed to walk down to the shops at work to get lunch I had to get others to do it for me incase guys looked at me etc. I continued to support him paid bills that were behind for him, paid him even when he wasn't at work. I was changing as a person. I valued myself as loyal and with integrity and I didn't even know who I was. He hated my friends( they didn't like him) he'd make me choose him over my family, he never said anything positive about anyone. If I was to be applauded or my work he could never be happy for me he would always turn it to.. What about him.
I was at his beck and call. I wanted to look after him and nurture him I loved him whole heartedly. I was scared to move in with him I needed emotional security but he couldn't understand that. We would talk about babies and marriage and houses we would buy.. We had a dream together.. The arguing was everyday, his anger and temper was irrational and unpredictable I was threatened with him telling everyone about us, burning my house down, killing my dogs.. I was called every name imaginable. Yet I loved him I wanted him to want me I wanted him to love me and when he did I was full I was complete. About 8 months in I found out his ex had been to his house he didn't tell me and of course when I found out played it down and over loved me again..This went on for 10 months. I couldn't handle him at work anymore and it was becoming intolerable for everyone no one came to the office no one wanted to talk to him I cried at work everyday nearly I had to walk on egg shells. He was unpredictable and in my head I wanted him out of my life but I felt like I was addicted to the "love and good times".. He was fired from work after calling staff horrendous names and they took it to the owner of the company I ran. Of course it was my fault he took no accountability ever.. I the over did the support paid him out more than he was entitled to at work.. Etc etc hed tell me I had to fire ppl and shouldn't talk to them etc.. He had no friends, his family didn't really speak with him, he rarely went anywhere, I felt responsible for him I wanted to help him.. Still he was talking about marriage id make the best wife best mum etc. I felt more in love with him because I had space at work to relax and get a break from him.. He said it was the worst time of our relationship and that we had to work together because he didn't trust me.. Anyway this went on for another two months still telling me he loved me but becoming a little distant... Until 1 month ago when he said he needed to move forward because I didn't want to( I hadn't moved in with him) but he still wanted me in his life.. He joked that he needed to make a change and if it was a mistake he had to try but maybe we should get married to other ppl but still have each other etc until we run away together.. This kind of thing went on for two weeks yet still saying he will always love me wanted my children.. Why didn't I move forward earlier etc etc.. To him we were broken up I found out later yet we were still sleeping together and acting as we always had still I love you being said.. He wanted me to find him a new job where we could still see each other etc etc.. He still needed my help with resumes etc.. After a month of this.. I went to help him at his house we were intimate still I love you I love you .. I then pressed his phone which he didn't realise had fallen out of his pocket ( always secretive of his phone) and found a picture of a girl as his screen saver. I asked about it his first reaction was to lie then he told me it was an internet girl that was moving in on the weekend ( this was a thurs) I begged him to not do it be with me I'd move in etc he was crying saying he couldn't now he couldn't be with me now.. He'd made a mistake with this girl but couldn't do anything now she had paid for her ticket..( apparently had only been speaking with her for a few weeks) he still loved me, was sorry but it was my fault because I didn't move on with him so he found someone else who would.. He said he had to try with this person and see but that I was the love of his life.. I was devastated.. I didn't know what to believe I knew he lied but who would lie about all of that and what was and want true...a few days later I saw him and her at the shops holding hands happy.. Walked right past me she turned around and laughed.. I emailed him two days later opened my heart completely asked him to take the chance with me offering the world.. He text me to say sorry for the shops incident but thanks..(guess for not blowing his cover or making a scene) I asked if he'd read it and h said not all of it he was either someone now.. But he's like to meet up sometime to say oh and hoped I was happy and ok.. I asked again yes or no did he want the chance with me.. He said not at this stage I had plenty of chances before but I didn't take them and now it was too late and that I should stay with my husband( I had recently left) I left it didn't reply a day later he sends me a MSG hoping I'm ok and that he did care I asked if he was happy.. His response.. Yeah I'm ok at the moment.. I told him I was then letting him go.. A day later MSG back saying he hoped for the best for me and lots of x in his MSG.. That was a week and a bit ago.. That was a year if my life he was my everything I am devastated and can't understand how I can go from being his everything to nothing literally overnight. I want to understand desperately. I feel empty lost and gutted. And I'm disappointed in myself most of all.
Sorry for the huge MSG had to get it all out