newattitude53's story

Brand new to This

Don't even know where to begin.i have been married for 28 yrs and our relationship has been pretty much a battle field for yrs.i can't believe that I am hear right now writing this.never dreamed that this might be what he is.But looking at all the things we have been through the years it does seem to fit.We have did it all counseling, went on retreats almost divorced so many times to many to count.Right now i am sleeping on an air mattress in my LR while he sleeps in our BR.gets up everyday goes to work and never speaks to anyone in my house.i have always wandered how he seems to have no emotion for anyone or any thing..We constantly battle over the use of alcohol.and every time we have one of our to many to count bouts of not speaking to one another that is the first thing he does.And then my children want to take his side.my daughter even told me that if we get a divorce she believes he will quit drinking. I am so glad I found this it is so hard to talk to friends and family because they either think it is not this bad because they only see what he wants them to see which is this smart funny man.Not.Or they say well you need to get a divorce and get on with your life if it were that easy.I haven't worked in over 2 yrs was diagnosed with BC in 2009 went through chemo radiation being sick and trying to work as well as sleeping in another room during this time as well.And now I pretty much just stay home almost 24 7 with nothing to do.don't really have many friends and I just feel so lonely and helpless.And I really hate being in this place but I feel as if I am between a rock and a hard place with no way out.i do still love him and have tried for years to help him or get him to get help but it is to no avail as he doesn't see he has a problem.I am just so tired of all this.Would just like to have a normal relationship with someone who does have some real feelings for me for once.