Teentsil's Story - Narc Magnet

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Sep 5 - 12AM
teentsil
teentsil's picture

Teentsil's Story - Narc Magnet

I didn't learn the true meaning of narcissism until about 2 years ago when I started digging for answers. Way before that...

I've been married now for almost 15 years (married in 1998). I didn't marry until I was 29 so things moved quickly for me when I met him as I felt my biological clock was ticking. The real problems started after our first child was born in 2001. I was the one at home with the baby, caring for the house and cooking, etc. Issues began to arise. I don't need to go into all the details. I began going to counseling to learn how to discuss things with him because he was so defensive and would yell louder and louder over me.

Time marches on. Another child. More issues. More defensiveness. Lack of attention toward me. On and on. One instance though was a huge eye opener for me only about 4 years ago. I had a cold or virus of some kind. Nothing too bad but I felt rough and took it easy for a few days. I felt better for a whole day. Then the next day, body aches, low fever. I was down. By the next morning, I hurt so badly all over I COULD NOT get out of bed. I'm no wimp. He said he was taking me to the ER. I took about 4 Advil to be able to get there. After blood work, the doctor comes in. He's looking at the results and at me and says, "Your liver numbers are OFF THE CHARTS. What meds are you on?" Turns out my cholesterol meds and anti-depressants were killing my liver. He runs more tests and leaves the room. My husband is pacing back and forth, shaking his head. I thought to myself that he must be worried I was going to die and leave him behind...with two kids! So I ask if he's okay. He replies, "No. No, I'm not okay. You realize what this means, don't you? He's going to come back in here and tell you that you can never drink again. Do you understand what that is going to do to our lifestyle?" I looked at him and said, "Well, it's only ME that can't drink. You still can." He throws his hands in the air and says, "You don't get it. This is going to completely change our lives." At that point, I felt sick...not from the illness but from knowing I'm married to someone who cares more about "his lifestyle" than he does my existence.

That is only one example of many. But the story becomes even more complex. I knew in those early years that he didn't care about me...not like he cared about himself. I'd been so ignored and starved, not just by him but also by my father. All I wanted was someone to boost me now and again. You know, just enough to keep me going. I was ripe for the picking.

By June of 2010, I'd been through the wringer. I had taken in my mother who was terminal with cancer in Aug 2008 and seen her through pointless chemo treatments and cared for her here in my home until her death in the summer of 2009. Just three weeks before she died, I lost my father to cancer. He suddenly had a re-occurrence of his liver cancer. The surgery that was supposed to be easy, was not. He had the surgery the day after his 75th birthday and spent 15 days deteriorating in a medically induced coma before he was removed from the respirator. Two funerals in a 3 week time span. I had an 8 and 5 yr old to explain it all to as well. Like I said, I'd been through the wringer.

I fell as so many do for someone I met on Facebook. A man from my hometown that I never knew. I had friends that knew him and said he was nice. I did the unspeakable. I had an affair. I was so starved for attention and ANY semblance of positive feedback that I took the bait. And the man I fell for was another narcissist...the WORST KIND of narcissist...a sociopath.

My gut instinct, my women's intuition, my brain...they all told me he was no good. And I didn't listen. I carried on with him for a little over 2 years. Each and every time I unearthed another woman he was seeing, he had a reason. And every reason was MY FAULT. If I had only given him more sex, he wouldn't have done it. If I had not "cut him off" he wouldn't have HAD to do it. And I kept going back for more. Stupid! Just plain stupid on my part. I KNOW BETTER!!

I'm still in my marriage. I read a post by someone in here today and she said she wasn't sure if her man was a narcissist or just has some narcissistic tendencies. And I thought she must have a narc like my husband. He's NOT a psychopath/sociopath. He's just a narc. There's a big difference. My husband does not try to make things my fault, try to tear me down, try to ruin me or quite frankly, intentionally hurt me. But he does because he only cares about himself and his good time. A sociopathic narcissist or some say psychopathic narcissist will manipulate you, lie to you, deceive you. Trust me. Neither is any less hurtful but the NP or NS will make you think you are crazy nuts.

I don't know where to go with my marriage. I have two kids. Things are civil at home. Am I happy? Not always. But I also don't feel tortured like I did with the affair NS. I have to think of my children. And I don't know what the future holds. We are teetering on the edge right now. But I'm looking out for my kids and ME. It's all so much to cover in a small time! Thanks for listening.

Sep 5 - 4AM
thebigpayback
thebigpayback's picture

the labels, narcissist,