Back again.

Hey guys,

It's been quite awhile since I was on this site. Possibly a year ago I believe. My story is rather long but let me try to make it short. I grew up in a crazy abusive dysfunctional household. My father falling on the far end of of the narcissism spectrum. He was definitely NDP. My dad had custody of me since I was 2 as my mom had a drinking problem, no doubt because of her own troubled childhood and because of my dad. Raised by my stepmom and father. My stepmother is extremely codependent, and has 14 kids from my dad. My father has 20 kids altogether from 4 women total. I seen it all as a kid. Utter and severe dysfunction and abuse. I got married at 21 and had 3 kids and my ex husband is no longer in this country as he fled for pursuing an underage girl and the police finding out. It was a bad marriage, adultery and near the end he tried killing me and himself. Later is when the connection to my childhood plays in. My now exbf, narcissist, dated him over 3 years, the most painful experience ever. It's when I came to discover what NPD was. The more I read, the more my jaw dropped open, it explained my dad and my exbf to a T. I was at wits end by the time exbf was done with me. He tossed me away like I was nothing to him. The pain was unbearable considering the psychological torture he inflicted on me. When I tried overdosing on 18 Advil pills is when I decided I truly needed help. I sought out my family doctor who sent me to a therapist. A nice lady, who finally got what I was dealing with! She told me too that a narcissist rate of greeting better was next to nil. She told me to cut contact with this man as I was becoming highly obsessed as he had moved on and married someone else but was still contacting me. I don't know why, but I guess talking to a professional with an unbiased view was the kick start I needed to cut him off. I blocked him totally, and with that I told myself and I told myself till I got it thru my head that he does not love me and he never did. I was fixated on the fact that somehow his new wife must be sharing the perfect marriage, but in my heart I knew he was just a scam. Took me sometime to get it that I definitely wasted my time with this man. Now this is where I come back in. I've been dating a guy for a little over a year now. He seemed really nice at first. He's younger than me 27, I'm 31 and has no kids. The past months tho I've seen changes in him that make me want to run away and gives my heart that sinking feeling. I pay for all our meals lately when we go out, because he has no job right now, he works for his family. Yet this guy claims and brags that he comes from a wealthy family but they just don't give him enough money because he has a bad history with his parents. When this guy is angry he stonewalls me and somehow I always end up saying sorry. It's not like my exbf but I'm getting this creeping feeling that this man is narcisstic. He seems way to selfish. I'm saddened because perhaps I've attracted another narc. N I feel ashamed that I've been suckered into another relationship with one. I feel like I will never have a healthy relationship. I'm still with him. But I must say I'm trying to find it in me again to cut him loose and save what little self esteem I have left....