My Story

I have known Narc my entire life. We grew up in the same small town, and as he was 9 years older than me and we had different circles of friends we never spent any time together. Before I knew him intimately I always thought of him as an arrogant and slightly condescending man. But then again, until he turned his sights on me, I didn't really think about him at all. Over the years things had played out that should have tipped me off. He used to flirt with me when I knew he had a girlfriend but I always shrugged it off. He would fly me (he's a pilot) when he was flying for my company and would always make it seem like no big deal but I always wondered how his girlfriend felt. One time, a few years back, I asked him to take a picture of my shoe and he tried to take one up my skirt. His relationship and subsequent break-up with his ex of seven years played out for the whole town to see. Basically, she moved there to be with him and everyone could sort of see her turn into this bitter, unhappy person right before our eyes. I never knew her very well and it wasn't any of my business but I always thought she was a decent person. Suddenly, she would give me (and other women I'm sure) dirty looks, wouldn't wave or smile, always looked unhappy and was gaining weight. Narc started hanging out with another woman in town when his girlfriend was away and I think he cheated on her. Everyone knew; that's how the ex found out. He never ended up with the OW but his ex still lives in that town, in a house that he owns, and I'm not sure but she must either pay him rent or they have an agreement. And this is where I enter. Young, beautiful, fun and full of life. It's only been twelve months of an on-again, off-again emotional roller coaster with him and I saw myself becoming a shadow of who I once was. I felt that boundaries were blurred where it came to his ex living in his house. We were long-distance as I wouldn't move back to the little town, and I always had this feeling in my gut that something wasn't right, like he was hiding things from me. I always knew he was a flirt and arrogant but I thought he would be different with me.

It started with the texts once Christmas, wanting to fly down and see me and take me out for dinner. I declined. I was single and dating a lot of people. Then, last summer, I was in town and he pursued me like crazy. We spent every night of two weeks together, him buying my favourite drinks, taking my friends and I out for dinner, calling and wanting to see me, telling me how beautiful and amazing and smart and fun I was. I came back and we spent a long weekend on his boat that summer and I could tell he adored me. I was perfect; the best sex, the prettiest, the most fun. He wouldn't outright say awful things about his ex but when I asked about her and why she still lived in his other house he would become defensive and evasive. He wouldn't fully answer questions and just tell me she was a bitch, he didn't know why she called still (she was calling when I was with him) and that they had a legal agreement due to the end of their common law relationship. It still felt odd.

I started crying a lot and feeling insecure. I felt in my gut that I couldn't trust him, but I thought it was just me being insecure. He would try to convince me there was nothing going on with his ex and he only wanted me. By Christmas last year I was in therapy and trying to sort myself out as he had convinced me all our problems were due to my emotional imbalance. Christmas was awful - we fought and fought. I couldn't suppress my feelings of unhappiness. Shortly after that he ended things. One time when I tried to end things he got really nasty and called me names. He said he accepted me despite my past and that I was a slut and he should be the one leaving me. I should have ended it then. But a month later he ended it with me. Then ensued months of me pining after him and trying to get him back, looking for those compliments and nice words. Now all I got was "you're just average looking, you think you're better than everyone but you're not, I've never fought with anyone like I fight with you, you frustrate me" etc. While we were on this break we met up a couple times and had sex and every time I would get so angry and upset. I had heard he was hanging out with a new girl in town but he insisted there was nothing going on, he said that he and H were only friends. In late April I was getting ready to move on - we hadn't spoken or texted in a couple of weeks. I was feeling so good with NC. Then he called right before my trip to Thailand basically begging me to give him another chance, that he truly only wanted to be with me and he still loved me and that he would quit his job so we could spend more time together, that he wouldn't go out in the summer and party because he knew it bothered me, that he would never take girls out alone on his boat. I wanted to badly to give him this chance - so when I got back we started talking every day. Slowly, all his promises started falling through. Finally, we saw each other at the end of June. He flew down and stayed with me and we slept together and he told me he loved me. When we were arguing because I felt that too much damage had been done, he said he wanted to make things work with me and he wanted to stay. While I was at work on a Monday he flew back to his place without telling me, called me that night and ended things. He was nasty about it - saying all we do is argue, I make him unhappy, he never wants to see or hear from me again, he's moving on and really he was doing this for me because he could see how unhappy I was. I asked him if it was another woman and he laughed at me and told me I was crazy. I flew up there to see my family and not even five days after he was sleeping with me and telling me he loved me, he was on his boat with H, the OW, for a week. I saw them getting on his boat and I confronted them both. They kept insisting they were just friends. He even pulled me to the side and tried talking me down, telling me that he cared about me, that he and H were friends only going on the boat for a night, etc. That he hadn't planned it before (which he obviously had as he flew here up there for the week), etc. After they got back from their trip I was already back in the city and he called me to "explain" that he and H were friends but yes they were sleeping together and she was so much better than me. She was more fun, sexier, pretty, on and on. He called me a cunt, crazy, everything. Now it has only been four days of NC and I am feeling good but weak at times. He doesn't have my new number but he emails (it goes to my trash) and called me at work today. I keep ignoring him. Whenever I talk to him I get hurt and he is so mean.

The hardest part for me right now is that I saw the signs, I had the intuition to leave, and I still stayed for a year. I think had I not known about his past with his ex and if I hadn't seen how much of a player he was, I would still be fooled. But I figured him out with the help of my therapist, friends and family. Now this new woman will have to figure it out on her own. I'm sure he's telling her I'm crazy and that he didn't sleep with me that weekend or tell me he loved me. And she'll believe him. She doesn't know his past. And if I can fall for it, anyone can.

Why does it still hurt so much that he chose someone over me? I know it is because she is his new supply, but I still feel like maybe it's because I wasn't good enough. It makes me sad to see him so "happy" with someone new already.

I hope this is the last chapter with the Narc. I want to be the first woman in his life to put her foot down and say "NO! You cannot and will not ever treat me like this, ever again."