I hate him

My Story

I have been with a man since I was 17, and now im 23. this year i moved on with my life after his baby mother hit me and we got into a fight for the 2nd time. I had his child at 19, when i was pregnant, and we broke up, he had a baby with a woman that he new before me. (throughout our relationship, every time we broke up, he went back to her)Not to mention the whole time I was with him, I was putting him before myself. Everything I did, was for him. I never had my own car because I was too busy buying him cars and trying to keep money in his pocket because he didn't wanna work. Sometimes my checks went to him. I have been through arguments with woman that left voice-mails and messages on his phone for years. So I guess he was never faithful to me, he always had other woman. Hes money hungry, and he only cares about himself.I went to a church where his mom Pastored at for 3 years, having to deal with the fact the other baby mother came there to compete with me, and she did everything she could to take this man from me. Then after we fault and I broke up with him, I saw him in a restaurant eating with her within 2 weeks, amd he didnt say a word to me. That hurt so bad, because he always told me I dont have to worry about her and he was just using her, and he not messing with her. I felt betrayed and used and abused. So I met someone else, not to metion my ex came back to me when he new I moved on and I accepted him back after all the pain. Then he left me because he realized I changed and was not gonna be there for him like i used to be, that is because I have goals finally. I let him come in and out of my life, and because of all the pain, I feel angry and hatred on the inside of me. I would call him just to tell him how much he have hurt me this year alone, ad I how much i hate him. I cant believe he can even utter the word love to me. Well, Im not in love with him anymore, but I am still emotionally scarred. I slept with him again when he came back to me, he took money out of my account and end up deciding to leave me alone because he said I'm not a real woman because a real woman looks out for her other half. I have taken care of him since I was 17, he used to hit me, he have called me out of my name on many occasions. I feel so disgusted right now to had even believed that he loved me. Any man could've treated me like trash. Now I decided to put him on child support, and I want him to go on away. he comes see my son sometimes, but hes not providing for him like I am. I don't want him around for a while, I need time to heal. I'm so broken that I need time to find me, and I don't want him around in the process. He has made me feel so low about myself, and my self esteem has dropped, I just want to get better without him in my life. Seems like all hes good for is using woman and hurting woman for his own benefit.