Help, I feel like the new girl and transformed the narcissist. I need reassurance.
I met a this guy on-line and was involved with him on and off for 8 months. He moved to my city((he has moved 14 times in his adult life) and when we first met I wasn't initially attracted to him but he was smart, educated and funny and had a sense confidence to him. We went out again and then I found we seemed to have a lot in common and incredible physical chemistry. Most of the time he was fun and super normal, other times perplexing.
The first week we spent three days together. Then I started noticing weird things in his character. I would share with him things that were going on in my life and he would easily get annoyed and kind snap on me or talk to me like I was a child. (ok I'm a have post graduate education) no need for that. I called him on it and he would calmly rationalize it and kind of pull me back in. He also seemed to lack empathy for others. I just kind of let it go because I'm the opposite, he was a business guy and I figured we balanced each other out. When we did go out, we had tons of fun. But then he would travel for work, not call me and yet he remained online. I just started trying to move on because I couldn't figure him out but he would pop up say he missed me, wanted to see me and that "I" was the one that always seemed too busy. Bottom line, I kept seeing him until he got transferred for work to another city six months later... so at this time I'm head over heels. But, I wanted to get over him because of weird games he was playing with me. Mainly telling me he really liked me but remaining online, insensitive comments, acting like he was crazy about me and the disappearing.
So then I see he still on-line in my city and his new city, with two different profiles. I google searched his image and email and BAM! I found him on two different BDSM websites looking for submissive women, cuckold websites looking of couples, two other dating websites, responding to ads on topix for teenage age girls looking for sugar daddies, him naked on craigslist ads for couples porn websites and a posting I couldn't pull up on Don't date him girl. I was in shock!!!!!!
Really I thought this guy was kind of off but just had some commitment issues. At this poin I realized he could have a personality disorder. Since he was still calling me I confronted him on what I found. He adamantly denied all of it! He told me a girl planted this information and he was being set up. Now there were things online from 2003 and pictures of him, come on. I read all of the websites I found to him and he continued to deny it. I thought seriously he'd come clean....nope. Ive never confronted anyone (besides a two year old) with so much evidence and have them deny it. Then he told me I planted it since I found it...lol. When that didn't work he told he loved me and wish I would believe him.
Ok you know the drill, I still kept hanging on to the normal "side" of him. He keep popping up and asking me if Iwas seeing anyone and he missed me that we laughed a lot, great convo... good sex and I ended up seeing him when he was in my city for business. He put on normal side( but did tell me that he doesn't attach to people) but we had a blast. I always checked and he was still online dating and adding random girls on facebook. I was so conflicted. We stayed in touch for a couple more months he asked me to visit and I made excuses. I was still crazy about him but couldn't reconcile with double life. He then began bugging me about sending him naked pics and I felt I didn't want to be "that girl" to him and it annoyed me. Also saw he was following a tranny on FB (so weird he is this athletic, straight business guy. wth?) what was he doing with him/her?? Anyway I kept bringing the stuff up I had found out about him via text when he contacted me, he then called me in a RAGE and said it frikin was annoying that I kept bringing it up. I told him it was over with us and he said "we are not dating anyway" and hung up! Later I found an entry on an online website warning women about him saying she was in contact with him online and when she ended it he threatened to kill her.
So yes I was still in throws of addiction trying to figure this guy out. I admit I continued to spy on him online. All of the sudden he hid his profile on the dating site and stopped friending girls on FB for two months. And he also did not make any contact with me. Recently I looked at the last girl he friended and saw they were a "couple". She is pretty, successful and seems to have a lot going for her. He sent her a dozen roses on Valentines Day (with comments from her friends saying how happy they are from them) He was a tight wad with me and this totally shocked me. Furthermore he is now friending her friends. It seems they may have been involved when were in communication. By all appearance they look like a happy, normal and in love (everything I wanted from him) Now I'm in shock again. I was getting over him thinking he could never love anyone and now it seems he has transformed himself for this girl.
Now I keep thinking it's me and not him, even though I know he is crazy. But how can it be he has moved on with a great girl and I'm left alone ruminating over this. Please help!!! Has she changed him?