goodbye stranger

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#1 March 7, 2013 - 3:00pm
trying to be strong
trying to be strong's picture

goodbye stranger

I dont think you will ever realise the devastation you have brought to my life. I fell in love with someone that doesn't exist. You may not realise it but you manipulated and controlled me to the point that my head is messed up and I dont know how to function anymore. You constantly made everything my fault and never took responsibility for your actions. All I ever wanted was to please you and I was always trying to do the right thing to make you happy. Instead everything I did annoyed you and was never good enough. I made plenty of mistakes and I am far from perfect but I am not a bad person nor was I a bad girlfriend. I felt as if I was walking on egg shells trying not to say the wrong thing or make you angry. You never trusted me and it's funny because I would never have cheated on you because I was so in love with you. You would say things and then deny ever saying them which made me feel like I was going mad. If I had ex's texting me you would have gone crazy and probably dumped me cause it looked dodgy yet I was supossed to accept it and not find it odd. You may have made the effort to come over and see me which I appreciate because I didn't have the means to come and see you all the time but I gave you my everything, all of me, my emotions and heart whereas you always held back. I know you will never understand what I am saying because you dont think you did anything wrong or that you have issues. I have issues too but I am willing to do something about them because I know it's not healthy. Maybe one day you will see that I am not all the things you say I am right now. I am not selfish nor am I argumentative but yes I answered back when I was being put down or wrongly accused of something. I do admit that on occasions I did handle things wrongly but I was at breaking point. The man I loved isn't real he was a front that you used in the beginning and although there were glimpses of him throughout the relationship it wasn't the real you. I kept trying to get that person back and to do things to please him when he really never existed so I would never win. You really must have been hurt by someone so badly. The problem is you are hurting people as a result and why would you want to hurt someone so they were feeling the way you did when you were hurt. I can tell you now that I would never want to inflict this kind of pain on anyone not even my worst enemy. Why did I fall in love with someone who could hurt me so badly and not realise all the good things I have to offer instead of bringing me down all the time and making me feel worthless. I trusted you with my heart and you smashed it to pieces and then kept stamping on it till it's completely turned to dust. I feel sorry for all these girls that you have done this to because I dont for a second believe I am the only one. You kept saying that you would end up all alone but you didn't realise that I would have stayed with you forever. I am moving on and I know I will meet someone who I will fall in love with and will love me back equally. I think that this is a viscous cycle for you and it will keep happening until you realise there is something you can do about it and get help. Your anger really frightens me and I do think you need professional help to deal with it because nobody should snap and flip as easily as you do. You were like two different people nice Jon one minute and then angry, cold Jon the next. I was doing so well until you text me this weekend saying you still loved me and then saying it was a moment of weakness when I asked you why you had got in contact. I don't wish you any harm but I do hope that I am able one day to forget about you. One day my pain will stop but yours won't until you get help so goodbye and good luck

March 7, 2013 - 8:23pm
hopefully free
hopefully free's picture

Trying to be strong