can't seem to get past what happened

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#1 January 30, 2013 - 3:07pm
BEC
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can't seem to get past what happened

I have been involved with a female narcissist for over 3.5 years. Just like everyone else it seemed too good to believe at first. I had what I thought to have been a strong marriage for nearly 15 years before this woman entered my life. We use to converse at happy hours and talk about our marriages. She had been married about the same amount of time. The interest between us was growing with each meeting.

Her story
She got married because she was pregnant and said she never really loved her husband. She did not work for the first 10 years and only worked part time after that. At one point she told me she was getting a plan together to leave her husband and a second child was conceived. She remained in the marriage another 12 years before filing for a separation and subsequent divorce. Once she was separated and out of the house she approached me with a vengeance to see where my situation stood. I told her initially that is would be a while before I could make a move.

My story
It seemed that my wife and I had a successful marriage for quite some time. Obviously I was not as happy as I had thought. I never thought I would be the type of person to cheat and betray my wife. I had been out with friends before and flirted with women but only as an ego boost. Once the woman mentioned above came into my life it took a turn for the worse. She was extremely attractive and incredibly fun to be with. Not to sound shallow but my wife had put on considerable weight over the years and let herself go and had to be entertained when we went out.

We started dating while I was married and she kept pushing me to get a legal separation. At one point she broke things off and told me to call her when things were finalized. I did proceed to get the separation because I believe this to be my "dream girl " and " soul mate."

Once the separation was in hand she was elated or was she ??? Instead of the girl that was head over heals in love with me she started seeing faults in things I did. The things she use to praise me for were being used against me. I would always try to console her and smooth things over because I carried the guilt of dragging the separation out too long. I never challenged her on anything and just wanted to make her happy.

In the attempt to shorten this and thanks for bearing with me, I will start to paraphrase a bit. Looking back it seemed like once I got the separation things started going down hill. There were times when things seemed great and marriage was in our future and then other times when I was dirt. It began to seem like everything in her life was paramount and mine was of no concern. She wanted her to be my priority while I was her option. And then one day she basically dumped me and told me she was done with me a while back and said she tolerated my behaviors far too long. I asked her if she did anything wrong in the relationship and she said no and that she put up with me for too long.

I wish I could write a lot more and I thank the people ahead of time who undertake the job of reading this and replying.

I only wish I had seen the red flags earlier. I am a giving compassionate person. I ruined my marriage and hurt my family because of this and she tossed me aside like yesterdays garbage.

I am now 3.5 months removed from her and haven't herd a word form her. I am devastated by her actions and can't stop obsessing over her. I have tried counseling and read countless books and articles. For the first time in my life I need help to get to sleep at night. I miss this girl terribly ( not sure why) but I need to move forward somehow.

Broken hearted

June 12, 2013 - 2:07am
imabloke
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Hi Bec

June 12, 2013 - 7:16am (Reply to #28)
BEC
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thanks for the words of

June 12, 2013 - 8:15am (Reply to #29)
talktothehand
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BEC

June 12, 2013 - 8:24am (Reply to #30)
BEC
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great suggestion. I have

February 21, 2013 - 5:07am
BEC
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not fair

September 10, 2013 - 7:49pm (Reply to #26)
hurting_in_TX
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I so feel like this! I

February 21, 2013 - 4:41am
BEC
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reaching out

February 21, 2013 - 5:34am (Reply to #19)
talktothehand
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BEC

February 21, 2013 - 6:17am (Reply to #20)
BEC
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you are correct. i have read

February 21, 2013 - 6:22am (Reply to #21)
talktothehand
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BEC

February 21, 2013 - 6:28am (Reply to #22)
BEC
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Goldie

February 27, 2013 - 5:46pm (Reply to #24)
TNR1
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The one on one really helped

February 21, 2013 - 6:32am (Reply to #23)
talktothehand
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BEC

February 1, 2013 - 4:36am
BEC
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cheating

February 12, 2013 - 3:13pm (Reply to #17)
Portia
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Read more and more and more and more......

February 12, 2013 - 2:21pm (Reply to #15)
Deidre99
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she never cheated on her

February 12, 2013 - 3:30pm (Reply to #16)
BEC
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thanks so much. everyone

February 4, 2013 - 3:34pm (Reply to #10)
femnarc
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cheating

February 12, 2013 - 2:30pm (Reply to #14)
Deidre99
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And not sure how much you've

February 4, 2013 - 4:49pm (Reply to #11)
BEC
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femnarc

February 12, 2013 - 5:20pm (Reply to #13)
leslieisback
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You can't possibly know that

February 12, 2013 - 2:32pm (Reply to #12)
Deidre99
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She cheated on her husband

January 30, 2013 - 7:10pm
Garden
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Hi BEC. Triangles. The

January 30, 2013 - 7:25pm (Reply to #8)
BEC
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Thanks Garden

January 30, 2013 - 6:54pm
Newlife2013
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Sounds familiar, BEC

January 30, 2013 - 7:21pm (Reply to #6)
BEC
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Thanks Newlife2013

January 30, 2013 - 5:52pm
wildangel
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You aren't the only one

January 30, 2013 - 5:59pm (Reply to #4)
BEC
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Thanks for the support

January 30, 2013 - 3:25pm
spinning
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Oh, BEC, I am so sorry

spinning

January 30, 2013 - 6:17pm (Reply to #2)
BEC
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Thanks spinning