Goodbye Ugly, HELLO BEAUTIFUL :)

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#1 January 25, 2013 - 6:01am
unbreakable
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Goodbye Ugly, HELLO BEAUTIFUL :)

Goodbye Ugly,

I won't be missing your Quasimodo humpback, your skinny, scrawny body, or your yellow teeth! (I'm sure if I said he hopped on one leg you'd think I was describing a monster- but no, Relax everyone, I'm just saying bye to the PsychoNarc in my life!)

Gosh I must sound so catty, but now, in retrospect, I realise you must have been THE most unattractive man I ever fell for. But seriously, who are we kidding? I'm not that shallow for I actually gave you a chance and looked past your outer shell, only to realise there was nothing inside either.

Ugliness, you see, is not a physical thing.

Ugliness is...

The awful feeling I got waking up every morning wondering when you'd reply to my e-mail. I would literally check my e-mail before I drank my morning coffee.

You playing on people's sympathies because you played the victim so well I actually felt sorry for you. Ugh, good riddance to that! You can't fool me anymore!

Your jealousy, insecurity, selfishness, callousness, rage, mind games, lies...ughhh the list could go on-so goodbye already!

That creepy feeling deep inside (which I initially ignored)that you were playing me.

Your verbal diarrhea of false hopes and dreams, only to keep me hooked and then your actions NEVER followed through. Your actions and words NEVER matched. But look at me now Narc. MY actions match MY words, I am waving goodbye and and staying NC. NC forever that is!

Ugliness is not knowing where I stand with you but being afraid to discuss it with you for fear of your reaction. Goodbye ugly fear! Goodbye eggshells!

Ugliness is knowing someones insecurities and playing on them.

Ugliness is darkness. Shooo away with you emotional vampire!

Ugliness is giving me joy for a split second and then taking it away with ST. My NC = FU!!!!

Ugliness is...

That eerie feeling that I'm being manipulated.

Saying you'd call, and then not calling for weeks, months.

Disposing people like they're Q-tips. What a pos you are. Ughh Bye!

Your triangulations. It was more like an octagon, but whatever. Sayonara to that!

All the feelings of hatred and anger you awakened in me. So tired and over that!

The pit in my stomach enduring all your ST! What an ugly feeling!

The shame and guilt I have for deceiving my h.

Ugliness is the contempt and hatred you feel for women.

Ugliness is every negative thing that came out of your mouth that sucked the life force out of me.

Ugliness is not wanting to wake up and live my life.

Ugliness is your hoover attempt this year, when I was strong and doing good in my life, you thought you'd come in and shake it all up for me again. Not a chance, I didn't fall for it this time! So long loser!

Ugliness is YOU stalking ME on social media because you don't have the skills to communicate like a normal person. Yup, BYE, I talk to REAL people!

Ugliness is the fact that you stalked me, but are probably telling people the opposite just like you did about all your exes! Goodbye psycho liar you are NO prize!

Ugliness is the satisfaction that you got for telling your friends that you finally f*kd me. When in reality I f*kd you! You know nothing about real intimacy limp dick!

Ugliness is the horrible feeling inside where I felt I wasn't worthy because I obsessed over your FB and was even envious for a moment of the 'happy' life you portrayed.

Ugliness is me thinking that my happiness depended on you!

Ugliness is the very fact that it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to feel beautiful emotions such as love and joy. It's so sad your children will never experience this with you. It's so unfortunate that your w and the many OW you will probably fool will one day realize that you're so hollow and ugly inside, just as I see you now. This is the ugliest part of you.

Goodbye.
Good riddance.
Adieu.

But wait... This is not a sad, tearful goodbye. NO WAY! I've jumped ship and am waving my arms in windshield wiper fashion, BUH BYE!
What you said all along to everyone holds true, because of NC, I will truly be "the one that got away"!!!Forever!

This goodbye is truly from the bottom of my heart because now I can say...

Hello Beautiful,

I say this as I look at myself in the mirror. I admire my once gaunt complexion, which is now dewy and rosy and radiates health. There's a certain sparkle in my eyes, where they were once hollow and full of despair. My hair! Oh my beautiful, full, lustrous hair has come back! I'm so thankful for this, you don't understand, it was falling out in clumps from all the stress. Moreover as I continue examining myself in the mirror, I too, realize that beauty, just as ugliness, real beauty is not a physical thing.

Real beauty is...

Waking up and looking forward to my day.

Having a feeling of peace and acceptance within myself.

Having self worth and not settling for anything less.

Knowing that I have control over my life.

Feeling compassion for N's w, OW, and his children.

Never allowing the low life N in my life again, I won't be around if he decides to hoover again. My choice, my rules.

Real Beauty is...

Knowing I don't need a man to complete me.

Taking my vitamins.

confidence.

Keeping harmful, negative, people away.

Surrounding myself with positive people.

Respecting myself when I want to say NO.

Believing in my inner voice.

Having compassion, but not to the extent of selling my own soul.

Light.

Being grateful for what I've got.

Mutual respect.

Loving my life and the people in it.

Surrounding myself with people that care about me.

Giving to others, but also giving to myself.

Eating well.

Appreciating the little things in life.

Exercising.

Forgiving myself.

Taking care of me and my family.

Excelling at my job.

Doing things I like.

Having dreams.

Reading books.

Helping others.

Loving my family and others close to me.

Loving myself.

I'm slowly learning to love and accept myself again and LOVING every minute. I'm so grateful for this, and yes, this touches me deeply. I just might shed a tear :)

On my path forward, I, unfortunately, had to encounter someone who was 'ugly' to reveal and reconnect with my inner beauty. It landed me on this forum, which I feel saved me from emotional turmoil. I thank God for this everyday. A BIG Thank you to Lisa, and the mods, and everyone else on this forum. I'm slowly starting to feel beautiful again. Thank you for reading.

February 1, 2013 - 5:33am
leslieisback
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I love it! My best wishes

January 30, 2013 - 6:58pm
thebigpayback
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this is wonderful and so

January 27, 2013 - 6:27pm
Jenna H
Jenna H's picture

well said, well written

January 28, 2013 - 6:13am (Reply to #8)
unbreakable
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Yes JennaH, we are winning :)

January 27, 2013 - 5:54pm
newme1959
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I'm jealous

January 28, 2013 - 6:26am (Reply to #6)
unbreakable
unbreakable's picture

Don't be jealous newme1959,

January 25, 2013 - 9:48am
spinning
spinning's picture

I love this unbreakable...

spinning

January 25, 2013 - 10:01am (Reply to #2)
Janie53
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Unbreakable

January 25, 2013 - 10:46am (Reply to #3)
unbreakable
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Thx Janie & Spinning! I

January 28, 2013 - 6:54am (Reply to #4)
Janie53
Janie53's picture

Unbreakable