anniversary of first day on road to hell

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#1 October 20, 2012 - 12:00pm
femnarc
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anniversary of first day on road to hell

Today is the day. I thought it would be rough, but it's actually just par for the course, which means the day is just so-so. ;-) I'm still grieving (approx 4 months out), but improving slowly day by day, which this forum and you have a lot to do with -- thank you!

My biggest issue seems to be the same as many. Not the longing for a reunion with the exN. Rather, a longing for the illusion, the return of a script I shared with a partner I respected and [used to believe I] loved, the shock of realizing my exN is not even close to the person I thought she was.

Over the course of the past 4 months, I've learned that she is a complete fraud with little to no values. A user and abuser. NO ONE likes her and people have come out of the woodwork to share horrible stories, including one she dated after D&D. I've learned she hasn't/won't go onto the next relationship and be awesome. I've learned that she really did think of me as an object and is all about appearance/money/doesn't care that a guy is married/separated with kids as long as he's rich. I've learned that I was right about the sex being off and had compromised my own standards in attempt to make it work. I nearly killed my spirit being with her. My family and friends saw it, and tried to convince me to leave her. My co-dependency and need to be accepted prevented me from taking action. This isn't love.

I had no idea that these types of people exist, but now can see a pattern in my dating history. I used to attract these types of people. No more. I'm more savvy and in tune to my intuition. I just hope this nightmare hasn't destroyed my ability to trust and that I will be able to deeply love again some day.

Thank you, all.

October 26, 2012 - 8:39am
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Jeeze GSO, what a "remember when moment"

October 21, 2012 - 4:23am
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Hey Femnarc,You definately

October 20, 2012 - 9:46pm
Gso88
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Good news all around

October 20, 2012 - 12:06pm
round3
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WOOT WOOT Femnarc