So apparently I am "emotionally unavailable" as well . . .

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#1 September 28, 2012 - 12:36pm
Juliette's picture

So apparently I am "emotionally unavailable" as well . . .

Gotta love therapy. :) Seriously. I'm turned the corner from obsessing/talking all the time about exNarc with my therapist to actually dealing with MY crap now, and today I learned this key piece of information:

I am an emotionally unavailable woman. And as of tomorrow when I turn 48, that will make a full 48 years that I have lived on this wonderful planet as an emotionally unavailable woman.

Woah. I don't think I ever would have described myself as such, but when I put all the pieces of the puzzle together in my session, that was the picture we saw: I am and have always been drawn to emotionally unavailable men because I don't have to deal with their emotions, their vulnerability, etc. - in fact, I can pinpoint times in my life when the man I was involved with showed me his emotional or vulnerable side (even exNarc, when he was faking emotions and vulnerability) and I immediately shut down. Immediately. It would make me want to run. I became uninterested, unattracted - in fact, it was the fasted libido killer. It's what happened, I believe (in part), in my 20-year marriage, and even with exNarc, when he would feign vulnerability, I cringed.

I like romance! And I love to "feel" . . . passion and love and the intensity of infatuation. But I have never, ever fully allowed someone to enter in my world and let them love (I mean really LOVE) me, nor have I ever fully trusted anyone enough to open myself up to them.

Yep - I have the 'abusive, dysfunctional, chaotic, unpredictable, etc.' childhood to deal with . . . and apparently have never full dealt with it. So...this is the year.

Thankfully my therapist said there IS a cure for this. :) Has anyone ever "transformed" themselves? From emotionally unavailable to emotionally available?


March 15, 2018 - 1:11am
jogubagize's picture

Here a new writer write his

September 29, 2012 - 5:55am
Goldie's picture

Taking about insight Juliette; Birds of a feather; flock togethe

September 29, 2012 - 6:56am (Reply to #10)
Juliette's picture


September 29, 2012 - 4:57am
Froglegs's picture

Haven't opened up yet.

September 29, 2012 - 5:27am (Reply to #8)
Juliette's picture

Froglegs,that's a great question!

September 28, 2012 - 4:56pm
brinamarie's picture

Same story although i am 26.

September 28, 2012 - 5:27pm (Reply to #6)
IncognitoBurrito's picture


September 28, 2012 - 4:56pm
Rising Dawn
Rising Dawn's picture

Same here...

September 28, 2012 - 4:22pm
wildfilly68's picture

Let the healing/transformation begin!

September 28, 2012 - 4:12pm
GracefullyFree's picture

Emotionally Unavailable

September 28, 2012 - 1:04pm
Janie53's picture