Female Narcissist at Work

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#1 September 9, 2012 - 4:06am

Female Narcissist at Work

Geez I have encountered a raging narcissist once again, at the workplace.

I really need some help on how to handle this one!!

Was in a "relationship" with a pshychopath/N for many years and finally exposed him, and that lead me here and have learned so much, and healed so much from that crazymaking experience through this website.

Well now I have encoutered a female narcissist at work. This time it is not a romantic relationship.

It is the whole onslaught of behaviors:

*They want to distract you, derail you, take you down from your happy go lucky attitude.

*They want to disrupt your self-concept using projection, assigning negative qualities to you that aren't there (this is how the psychopath/N gets mind control over you,,,a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE and only someone who has been the target of this understands.

*They mimic you. This one mimics the way I walk, how I talk, what I eat, what I wear, what I do, it is hidious.

*I DON'T know why all this mimicing is going on, I would guess it is to distract you and get all your great attention on them rather than being happy..

*They call you "disrespectful names" like rather than call you by your name, they call you some nickname and don't address you with respect.

*They act jealous of you.

*Every comment, sentence out of them all day long is I,I, I me me me me me..

I am someone now the target of a female narcissist of work, and they will not let it go.

It is constant, and I am only trying to do my job. It is very frustrating.

Do any of you had this happen or have any advice of how to deal with it. It is horrible to be the target of this, and your comments, advice, insights and learning how to handle this would be very helpful!!!

September 19, 2012 - 3:35pm

Stay strong

When they say NC they mean NC,,,it is good now to be able to identify a Narc..I am with you 100 percent and have been through all the crap,,we don't EVER want to go through that again. Not ever, with anyone male or female.

Good luck with your job search, and hope you can find a more healthy positive environment to flourish in..

September 19, 2012 - 11:14am


Ugh - if your boss wasn't a female I'd say we had the same exact one. Mine pulls the same crap. And I have zero tolerance for this nonsense now that I know how to recognize a narc from my ExNH experience.

I too am on the job hunt. Hopefully something turns up soon. I'm so very very tired of unhealthy environments.

September 12, 2012 - 3:58am

NC .. Hunter

NC ..


September 13, 2012 - 10:16am (Reply to #17)


you're absolutely right...female narc bosses are no different from male narcs in our romantic relationships. for me, my boss was worse because she threatened my very livelihood and everything i cared about. still, i had a choice of staying in a crazy anxious environment that triggered my anxiety or move on.

at least with the female narc, there's no emotional attachment. NC!

September 14, 2012 - 12:31am (Reply to #18)


Thank you for the clarification,,you are right on, the female Narc at the workplace can try to be just as devastating, instead of a "romantic" relationship they TARGET,,,I repeaat...'TARGET' your livlihood.. they try, try to get you under your skin,,you are so right and you have them pegged.

Guess what,,they are NOT UNDER OUR SKIN!!!

Thank God for our learning.

You are brilliant Tinker,,,thank you so much for responding, you have no idea no meaningful it is, and yes, how accurate.

You are so much on the right path. NC

Thank you

September 14, 2012 - 9:36am (Reply to #19)


thanks so much for your support. i'm sitting here this morning in an utter panic at the thought of the job search ahead but know in my soul that i can't go back to that environment, even though i'll have to sell the home i love. it had the same feeling of being D&D'd by the N that i got from her, totally irrational yet so personal.

others tell me to fight her but i've learned from this site that NC is the only way. it would be like housing a soldier who came back from the war next to a demolition site. what is our sanity worth??


September 14, 2012 - 4:51pm (Reply to #20)

Tinker,,you know from experience now

Let it make you stronger, and to NEVER get sucked back in.

That is it!!

Remeber how SMOOTH they are!

Remeber how they COAX you in,,,you are doin' your thing, being you, productive, bringing your connections,,and then BAM there they go...

You know the scene.

Call it for what it is, TRUST YOURSELF.

Bottom line. You know what it is,,remember the red flags.

They are SUPER RED in the beginning, then we forgive, we forget, we get walked on, we get tormented, we forgive some more, we give some more, we are tired, we a depressed, we give some more, and to find we are betrated.

Know the pattern.



Good luck with your job search. Keep your head down, nose to the grindstone, help yourself at this point, not the Narc.

September 19, 2012 - 5:07pm (Reply to #21)


Thank you, I'll keep your post to keep me motivated. After 17 years, I'm scared to death of being unemployed after my leave. Friends and family say to go back, assume that I'm going back. They don't realize that after the N's, that is not possible.

And it's not weakness avoiding the N's, it's strength in knowledge and our ability to protect ourselves, and to put our safety and sanity first. Hugs...

September 11, 2012 - 4:42am

i have also

noticed a lot of stupid women, not necessarily narcs, in high levels of the workforce who are intimated by other women with strong personalities or higher intelligence levels

September 13, 2012 - 10:25am (Reply to #15)


just like male narcs, they choose their targets carefully. i think mine was intimidated that i had been there a long time, had a great reputation and contacts, but who knows. i'm sure her actions were part of her defenses, but what havoc she's caused.

September 11, 2012 - 5:17pm (Reply to #14)

Just keep being you!

Onwithmylife just keep being you, the wonderful, considerate, loving person you are. If they are intimidated by your effectiveness, that has to be their problem, not yours.

You should be well rewarded for being strong, intelligent, and a woman who is nuturing.

September 9, 2012 - 8:27pm

Amazed, this is amazing

I was going to post a thread on this today. I hope you can glean some knowledge from my experience w/an N manager. She was simply evil. She was a high level exec but she looked & acted like trash, had no friends and was feared by many people under her. She micro managed every shittin little thing & would sometimes just blatantly try to intimidate. It seems that she had a different torture for each employee. Special treatments for those that kissed her ass or were useful in promoting her own agenda (passing off proposals as her own when actually she stole other employees ideas).

Everyone was walking on broken glass around her. Everyone had a different kind of armor around them. But sticking together as victims was what made it bearable. Some of us kept journals on a thumb drive. The ironic thing is that she was afraid of her husband who seemed to me to be a bully himself. Sometimes she could be so f'in charming though, acting as if you were the most awesome person on earth. She especially liked to shmoozr her superiors.

It was virtually impossible to be fired from this company, but your manager can make your life hell very easily. The company was bought out last year and put on a diet. They closed her department and we are all over the place now. She no longer manages anyone. One of her former victims is now her manager. Her nose is turning brown.

Ahhhhhhhh...the sweet smell of karma.

September 10, 2012 - 1:11am (Reply to #12)

Shock and awe thank you for responding!!! Humanity save me!

It is awful to have these people in the workplace, all the angst and commotion they cause with ALL their GAMES and bull is outlanding.

They make life miserable, what sucks is when no one above them NOTICES and PUTS AND END TO IT!!

You are very fortunate the internal change was made at your company, and not you have room to breath. You can be you, feel comfortable, safe, and be happy and productive once again.

Thank GOD that worked out.

I guess they eventually hang themselves, that is what another friend of mine said,,just like what happened in your case :)

I am just wondering why this person targets me, and is super annoying, like talks to herself, whispers all sorts of crap, is trying to dismantle me. It is like get a life, go ruin someone elses career!!

Glad to hear your miracle, and got away from the evil!!!

I hope to say the same some day!

September 9, 2012 - 6:11pm

Yes I experienced one shortly

Yes I experienced one shortly after my x. She managed to get me fired because she set me up and totally played me. She taught me a great lesson about my industry. To stay close to the boss and keep a tight relationship with them. If the boss knows me well enough then no workplace bully can slander or play me... Unless Ofcourse the boss is an n and then I'd just keep my distance and hope for the best.

September 10, 2012 - 1:16am (Reply to #10)

Walking on sunshine, you are right about how they play you

They play you to set you up for a fall, when YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.

That is the slander and bogus that I am talking about.

It shocks me that people enter a workplace with this agenda in mind, and you know they have that agenda.

It is sick, stupid, low life.

It is great that you learned this lesson about your industry, to keep an awesome relationship with the boss.

Hopefully, the boss knows about these types, have seen them before, and know how to deal with it.

Each industry is different, and attracts different personalitites.

Thomas Sheridan has a great youtube segment called "The Labyrinth of the Psychopath" and he discusses these personality types, red flags, and they are present in certain types of industries like banking, financial, and music industry.

Hope all works out for the best.

Sorry to hear that you had to cross paths with such evil.

It really is stupid, continue to rise above.

September 9, 2012 - 5:01pm


I can't believe I'm reading this...I've survived two ex narcs only to be flattened by a female narc boss. After working for two decades and doing it well, she triggered my anxiety to a point where I had to take leave. I loved my job and now find myself having to job hunt.

She systematically set out to destroy me. Nothing is worth going back to that. My anxiety was so high I was vibrating. I'm slowly calming down but need that gentle environment needed by us ptsd'd by the narcs.

I tried all my skills in dealing with her but she is ruthless and I'm not up to that fight. My only advice is to save yourself.

Hugs, tinker

September 10, 2012 - 1:21am (Reply to #8)

WOW Tinker

I hear you, that is the EXACT same situation I am in, and so sorry that something got in between you and what you love!!!

That is horrible, and SO senseless, and counterproductive, it does not make any sense.

It takes so much energy just to deal with their commotion, right!!! I can't believe that evil was so relentless, and you did NOTHING WRONG to deserve all that.

That is horrible.

I understand completely that you got to a point you were sick of fighting all that for no reason.

I hear ya! It is ridiculous, however you do have to save yourself, and get free.

Hopefully there will be place that is more calm, and their aren't evil games, you can't play evil games when there are no rules.

Seek happiness, productivity, you will find it!! :)

September 9, 2012 - 12:30pm


ever since my 15 years with exnarc, they seem to sprout up everywhere, my feeble suggestion is to have as little to do with her as possible, can you transfer to another room, department, anything????Treat her as you would an OBJECT perhaps........

September 10, 2012 - 1:25am (Reply to #2)


I love that, on with my life...that is what we are here to do!!! It is outrageous, now we can identify these evil creeps, and somehow, based on our personality they love to try and target us and ruin our happiness.

What a low life!!

September 10, 2012 - 7:08pm (Reply to #3)

" somehow based on our

" somehow based on our personality " . From what I've read on workplace bullying it pretty much boils down to jealousy and feelings of inferiority. Canada safety council states that studdies show that contrary to popular belief bullies don't target the weakest link they actually target the strongest because it is that which intimates them.

October 2, 2013 - 6:18am (Reply to #5)


I have a coworker that turned on me because I refused to join her pack. They were bullying our new, much younger, boss in a covert way. I'll have no part in that, thank you. They started ignoring me over the last couple of weeks. I called her out yesterday for some snide comments about me and she managed to talk herself out of it. Saying she meant something else.
Later on she said, you feel like you are much better than me don't you? I said, no, you feel like I'm much better than you. That shut her up for a while. Not falling for it. And not having it. Started to document everything and if push comes to shove, I will report her to management.

October 25, 2013 - 6:33am (Reply to #6)

I had it out with her after another incident

and all I saw was a lot of projecting, turning things around and blaming. She could give me no good reason why she was doing what she was doing. She scared to lose her job, she's makes the least money, she gets the shitty jobs. Hey, go tell your boss!
I called her shit, told her to grow some balls and the tears started to roll, she started shaking, telling me she missed me and was looking for a birthday present for me.
I would have fallen for that a couple of months ago. Now it disgusts me.
I stated my boundaries and the future will tell if she takes heed. My guess? Not.

I managed to talk to one of the apaths a day later and she apologised but sulked.

September 11, 2012 - 5:13pm (Reply to #4)

Walkingonsunshine thank you so much for your insight

You are right.

They target the strongest link. They see who is doing well, and could ultimately be a great realation with them, and they demean, degrade, project, all SORTS of crap, and don't focus on the task at hand.

It is meant to be very demeaning, who knows what they are suppose to get out of all their crazymaking.

Remember, never give your strength over to someone else.

Even though you are being you, doing good, contributing in a positive way, here they go with the games.

It is so sick, what is one to do. You have to ultimately protect yourself, and learn about these people so you don't become the victim they think they are making you out to be. What a stupid game.

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