Yeah. I called you "Clearly." And yeah - Clearly, you've made a mistake. But so have I. Several. I have allowed myself to not only fall in love with "you," but to be treated precisely the way that I vowed to never be treated again. But now I understand that I was tricked - duped really - into thinking that you were someone that you're not. I really thought your inside was as beautiful as your outside - in fact I even told you that you were beautiful - instead of the dark, tortured person that I realize you are.
I knew in my mind that "we" would never work. But my heart kept telling me that the feelings that you evoked in me were so rare and precious that I kept ignoring logic. I had a rollercoaster of emotions every time we started seeing each other again. When you gave me attention I was ecstatic; when you ignored or discarded me, I was more depressed than I had ever felt before. So stupid! I am the first person to say "Why stay in a situation that doesn't make you feel great?" We had no ties, no kids, no joint property...just an extreme physical attraction that tricked me into thinking that you were naturally "good."
Now, the sick, twisted game of messing with women to get what you want has turned me off so much that you are not even attractive to me anymore. You kind of frighten me, to be honest. I'm a bit nervous about how you may react when you are going thru your Rolodex next go around, and I'm not receptive. You have thrown your fits in the past...I just hope you take me off your list of options ("naked," or otherwise). I am not an option. I tried and tried to tell you that (which you called "complaining"), and THAT is YOUR reason for "ending it." No. Your REAL reason for ending it that you have no use for me anymore - or at least for now. I start to attempt to communicate with you, or (God Forbid) tell you I want to be exclusive, and you get mad. I "complain." THAT was NOT complaining. But THIS is (see below):
You are an arrogant, lying, smug, insecure, detached swine (and THAT <--- is a word I have NEVER used before). You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself, and/or what's going to aide you in your next conquest. Women are just pawns to you, and you require a plush supply...You will never have enough, and will constantly search in places like Match to replenish when you discard one of us that actually wants something in return for all we give and sacrifice for you. It's interesting how one-sided everything has been with you. Of course not as interesting as how I keep coming back for more, but still interesting. I don't respond to your texts, you get pissy or block me from texting you. You don't respond to mine and I'm a "pain in the ass" for mentioning it. You tell me you love me, then disappear for 5 days. I tell you I'm in love with you and want to be exclusive, and you (once again) call it "complaining." I find a fucking CONDOM WRAPPER on the TOP of your trash, and I'm a bitch for giving you shit that I don't trust you. You tell me you're out of town 'til Wednesday, yet I see you Sunday with Barbie (who I now feel sorry for) getting drinks.
You are BY FAR the most fucked up person I have ever met. Yet, I feel sad...not like my usual sad when you disappear...sad that the man I had so much fun with, so much chemistry, that got me so worked up and excited to see doesn't even really exist. Sad that the future that I envisioned - that you painted - will never look that way for us. Sad because I now know that you don't even have the ability to BE sad that this didn't work. It's actually what's helping me get thru this...I remind myself that you can't help it. You don't want to. Because you enjoy doing this. It wouldn't do one bit of good to attempt to "clue you in." Nothing I say - or have EVER said - matters.
I always knew, deep down, that you weren't listening to anything I said. You (jokingly) would tell me to stop talking. You told me the same rehearsed stories over and over again...and I had a feeling you were lying all along. I also knew that these stories were things you "told all the girls." Just like your stupid fucking "bloops." Those stupid bloops!
In the beginning they made my heart skip a beat, but after I saw you saying them (or more like girls saying them to YOU) on stupid Facebook, I was sickened. Why do you think I deleted you? Twice! I knew I was just another option, but I certainly didn't want to SEE it in writing!
What's REALLY crazy (ha! fine word there) is that I felt like I was the nutty the one with you...Shit, I APOLOGIZED for acting "nutty." ANYONE would have felt the way I did, and acted accordingly if they were being treated like that. In fact, yet another epiphany! THAT must be your perception of every poor girl who you have used and discarded...you told me girls were "crazy" that you had dated...I know you said it about me...Well, newsflash - you drive us to it. Your Hot/Cold, I Love You/You're a Bitch, I Wanna See You/Then Nothing is CRAZY-MAKING. It makes women insecure. Which, I now understand, makes us easier for men like you to prey on.
So this time it's for real, Clearly. I am having a moment of clarity, that is going to last a lifetime. And, as I'm sure you've heard before, it is SO your loss. You had a taste - which I'm sure you didn't even realize - of how awesome being my partner would be. I have A LOT of love to give, and I enjoy making others happy. But I will NEVER AGAIN sacrifice my own happiness. I loved who I thought you could be, once you let your guard down. But I guess I was "crazy" for thinking that there was anything more than what meets the eye.
I DO feel a little "special" in that you kept coming back to me. I know that people like you have very high standards, and won't prey on just anyone. So I will take THAT as a compliment. But, please don't bother me anymore. You won't get the reaction you're used to, because I truly have no place for someone like you in my life. Thank you for setting me free. Goodbye...
"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believin' it was always something that I'd done
I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on
Somebody that you used to know."
"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
When you said that we could not make sense
That's when you said that we could still be friends
Well I'll admit that I was glad that it was over."