Suzi-Q's Story

I never thought it would be me

Hello All! :)

Never in my wildest dream did I think I would be in this prediciment. I never thought I would ever have an affair on my 20 year marriage, and never did I think it would end up in such a painful place. I thought that finding someone, the one I thought was "the right one" would put me in a place of complete bliss for the first time in my life. Not the case. I feel used, played, humiliated, and devastated. I can't shake the feelings.

I have known the man that I work for for 15 years. He was married for 32 years, and I was great friends with his wife. All the time that I worked for them both I barely saw him, but saw her everyday as the two of us ran the office (family business) while he worked outside on the manual labour. During this time I heard nothin but negative from her....about all the things her husband would do, how awful he treated her, etc. It was difficult because I knew he was a total jerk to her, but to me he was always very nice. He treated me like gold as an employee, and praised me to everyone he knew. I too only had good things to say about him professionally. He is the hardest working man I've ever known, successful, and very charming. Again, I barely saw him in all the years that I worked at the company as he was always out of the office. And she too had many flaws, and their marriage began to sink. They just weren't meant to be. During the course of their marriage he was controlling towards her, demeaning, jealous, and very, very "image" revolving. He was a work-a-holic, and a former alcholic but quit cold turkey on his own 18 years previously. To offset the alcoholism he became a spend-a-holic instead. At the time I just thought that he didn't like her....that he grew to despise her because of the way she was. Because they were just sick of each other and grew apart. I didn't know what Narcassism was. But now everything makes sense.

His wife left him about a year ago. I was devastated. How could I work there without her. We were such good friends. But something began to happen. I am married woman with two kids, and my boss began to take an interest in me. My marriage was too on the rocks, basically dead for 20 years. And I was overwhelmed that he actually wanted me. Vulnerable....I gave in. For four weeks he swept me off my feet. I had never felt so special in all my life. He was lonely, I was lonely. We had so much in common even though he never once crossed the line in the entire time I worked for him . He barely made eye contact with me over the course of me working for him, so this was so unbelievalbe and surreal to me. I had always thought of him as so attractive and appreciated his hard working ethics.

When we first got together he said all the right things. Called me "beautiful"....said that when I first came to town 20 years previously that he thought I was gorgeous, and that I had been his secret fantasy for years. He texted me day and night "good morning/good night beautiful" for the nine months that we were together. The first four weeks were a blur of amazingness!!!! He wooed me....he talked of me like I was in his future plans. We fooled around and had great oral sex, but never real sex. I asked him if we could wait just a few months as I had only been with my husband, and it just didn't feel right yet. He was good with it....he said that he was extremely happy with what we had going, and was willing to be completely discreet. He didn't want my husband to find out, and he didn't want his ex-wife to find out during the time of separation and signing the papers. I honestly thought that he was the one, and it felt like it was fate after all this time of working for him.

I loved the company, and loved my job. Always have! Going to work has always been a fun experience and a priviledge working for him. But now it was even better. All I wanted to do was work even harder. After she left (and she was very disorganized), I pulled the company back together and ran my butt off for him durin the separation period as there was so much to be done with the divorce. Little did I know at the time he was just using my so badly to get everything done for him. He needed me to help him, and I fell into that trap.

Withinin four weeks the sexual texts that we had so much fun with just one day stopped!! When I questioned him about it he said his morals and values were getting in the way....at one point he told him he got scared and said things were moving too fast. He began to pull away. He gave me the silent treatment many times. He was always hard to read. He told me that "it's not you, it's me". Hugging him was like hugging a cat....sometimes he would hug back and other times he would pull away. He was unpredictable, I never knew where his emotions were. He would never ask me a thing about "how are things going in your life?" knowing full well my marriage was so bad. It was always about him. He has more toys and cars, and his business was a huge topic of conversation., He talked non-stop about himself when we did visit. His relationship with his daughter was non-existant, and she was only 17, living with his ex-wife. He began gettin closer to his 23 year old son just so that he'd have someone in his life. He barely spoke to him 3 years previously. He made empty promises to me....he was going to take a day off and take me to the lake to his cabin. Never happened. I asked him several times when I went to the city if he would meet me and we could spend a night together at a hotel. Never happened, always an excuse. He continued to text me daily, but his texts were very short and cold. He was hard to converse with. I think he was keeping me around just to help him with his business. All of the typical narcisstic characteristics were there...but I had no idea what that was at the time. I just continued to be patient and not push him. I knew he had just gotten out of a bad marriage, and thought that if I don't push and keep working hard that someday this will pay off.

He has a lot of property and a house in Mexico. He travels there every winter. At Christmas he went for four weeks, and it gave me a bad feeling. My intuition told me he was seeing other women. He invited his Mexican housekeeper to come back with him and told everyone that she was gay. That they were just friends. But still calling me beautiful everyday via text I bought into it, but still had a really bad feeling I was being had. So one day I found his Mexican phone in his bag, charged it up, and there was a very intimate conversation with him and his housekeeper on it. He called her beautiful, called her his girlfriend, and found out that they were sending each other intimate pictures. I was devastated and confronted him. He was so angry with me for finding his phone....but I was the first woman ever to actually call him out on his lies. His ex-wife never seemed to care nor did she ever seem to have sense to go looking for anything. I think I scared him...I think he thought he was getting away with it all, but not with me. I think he has always had the attitude of "no one will catch me".

He still continued to tell me they were not sleeping together. But I found her hair all over his pillow. He still denied it. The text of "good morning beautiful" eventually just went to "good morning", and we continued to stay as close was we were before. He never once said he did not want me in his life.

About a month later he was as charming as ever, and he went to pick her up at the airport and bring her back again, unknown to me. From that day forward he has quit all contact with me via text. He made up a horrible story about me chasing him, that I was crazy, that I wouldn't leave him alone. He even went so far as to tell the girls that work in the office with me the same thing, AND SHOWED THEM MY TEXTS. It has been horrible!!!! He formed allies with them and now they believe him, and he never did tell them the whole story. Same with his girlfriend. She too thinks this is all me, and I am in between a rock and a hard place because for me to say anything or show anyone the texts or intimate pictures he has sent to me could cost me my job. I told him that I need his support, that my marriage is so bad and i need someone to talk to. That I was there for him for hours and hours on end when he needed someone. He ignored my text, and when I finally did get a response all he said was "sorry---I don't know what to say. I will help if I can (which meant financially if I needed it). I can't make your decisions". It was like a slap in the face. No compassion, no empathy. No support. But when he needed someone I was there. I expected it back. But nothing.

His girlfriend has been here for five weeks now, and he has totally cut me off. He has called me a drama queen to the girls i work with, and has formed allies with them and turned them against me. He wanted to get me before I got him just in case I showed them any of his texts or anyone else for that matter. He wanted to prove that I was chasing him, and never told them them the whole story that he was just as much chasing me. It's all about his image.

About a month prior we had a very good phone conversation. I asked him if there was anything going on with his housekeeper, and I could tell he was sounding very guilty, but lied. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. But that he was scared, and asked me for a bit more time. He said he needed to "figure himself out" and "I just need to be me for a bit". But that he didn't want us to end, just that he didn't want to get serious with me at this point. Yet...what's with the girlfriend??? He admitted that he pushes everyone away in his life that means something to him, which is the truth. His entire family, his friends, and his ex-wife's family, and every woman he has had a slight relationship with. He also said that maybe he needs counselling because he is so hard to reach when someone gets close to him. He said that he can't sit still, that all he knows how to do best is work, and that's why he is so successful. That he cannot think straight most days and that he is constantly on edge. But he tries not to dwell on the negative and throws himself into work as it's the only thing he knows how to do right. He said I made him feel like a teenager. But it's always on his terms....it's all about control, even though he never yells at me. It's all underhanded and unlying. It's never obvious, it's very subtle. He is a master at playing the game.

The more I try to make him accountable the worse it has been. He won't support me in the office. The girls walk all over me now even though they have only been with the company a year and me 13 years. But he has them so convinced that I am no good for anything, and he in turn is punishing me for finding his phone and calling him out on his lies. It's a very dangerous situation. I am very intimidated, very alone, and very much on my own at work now. He doesn't care one bit that i am hurting from any of this or that he has everyone turned against me. As long as he comes out looking squeaky clean.

I live in a small town so jobs are very hard to find. I am probably the highest paid secretary in the town, and for me to leave would be so degrading. But stayin is also degrading. He has made a fool out of me in the office, and has a girlfriend that thinks i am totally crazy. He even went so far as to change the locks on his doors to keep me out of his house (the house and business are in the same yard). It's been a nightmare. I bought him a new bedding set for Christmas as his wife left, and he just recently got rid of the entire set and bought a new one with his girlfriend. He has been wining and dining her, driving her in all his expensive cars, buying her anything she wants. Almost like he is her sugar-daddy. She is very poor from Mexico, and i am sure he takes it all out in trade. All of things he buys her and does with her he never did with me. Regardless of if I was married at the time....I still work for him and would have been able to escape at anytime away with him as he is the boss! And as soon as his separation papers were signed two months ago he brought this girl over, lied and said she was gay, and basically cut me off as he didn't need me anymore both personally and professionally.

It has been mindblowing! I played with fire and got burned. And in the end he just doesn't care who he hurts along the way. 13 years and not a bit of validation or appreciation to my feelings, and I have sunk my heart and soul into his company. I wonder if he treats this new girl behind closed doors any better? Will she just be another notch in the slivers of his headboard? Or will he treat her differently? He only texts me now if he needs something professionally, and barely calls the office anymore. He avoids me at all costs, and only comes in when I am not there. It is so sad. It is so demeaning. It is so heartbreaking. I don't even really want him anymore, even after knowing that there is a definite addiction towards him in my heart. But to treat me like i am a nobody after all I have done for him. I never thought I'd be in a situation quite like this. No closure. Just me trying to sort it all out on my own and trying to move forward. I want to quit more than anything, but i know he would just talk me down to everyone in our town if I did. The story would be so far fetched and full of lies. I should have seen this one coming....as I said I played with fire, but I honestly believed the way he treated his ex-wife before was because it was a horrible marriage. I never thought I'd be a victim to the abuse. I don't understand how anyone could be so cruel. And showing the girls my text about how much I loved him, and then making it out that I was chasing him....how humiliating!!!!! Who else has he shown? I trusted him....but now I am realizing that no one trusts a Naracissist unless they are willing to pay the price.

Suzi--Q